Listen

I rarely get too personal in this blog, but last night I had a dream that I know is about more than just me as I have seen and heard it happening all around me. So, I am going to share the relevant parts of this dream in hopes of reaching ones who need it...which I believe is everyone.

I dreamed I was a little girl, maybe nine, at a school which seemed to go up to high school. I was very excited about everything that happened there; p.e. class, recess, and especially a talent show. Everything and everyone seemed to blow past me in a noisy frenzy. No one talked to me except for one teacher who took the time to answer every question, yet was always pulled away prematurely to deal with other children.

I asked the teacher if I could be the stage manager for the talent show (apparently in my dream, I remembered I was a drama major in waking life) but he said I was too small, but that I should audition for the show. I was not at all dejected, but I could hardly think of what talent I could share. Then, I decided I would recite a poem I wrote called "A Wondrous World." (No, I haven't written such a poem in waking life...yet)

When I arrived at the audition, chaos overwhelmed the auditorium while a young girl was trying to sing her song. My teacher was busy trying to show a young man how to work the lighting board while students ran around, laughed and talked loudly. I took a seat behind some girls who seemed to be your stereotypical "mean girls" from some tween flick. They were all making fun of a girl and discouraging her from auditioning with her song saying she had no talent. These were her best friends.

When the little girl on stage was finished performing, my teacher yelled out 'who's next?' I resolutely crumbled my poem up, shoved it into my pocket and marched up to the stage. In the midst of this chaos, I took the microphone and started belting out the song "Listen" from the movie Dreamgirls. Mind you, I'm almost certain I've only heard this song once, when I saw the movie years ago, but the lyrics bellowed out of me as if I was Beyonce herself. Suddenly, the room was quiet and still. All eyes and ears were on me. Once I was finished, there were no applause, just gaping mouths, and I walked away from the mic, and left all of my youthful enthusiasm on the stage.

As I awaken, I recalled a conversation I had had the night before about listening. Most people don't do it. We hear the words, but we're often too busy waiting for our opportunity to respond to actually listen to what's being said. I remember in my discussion the idea of also listening to what's not being said. A conversation has many parts; speech, subtext, tone, body language. It's baffling to me how we can think that effectual conversations can take place via text, facebook, or twitter.

I took special note to the fact that in my dream I was a small child. It was a direct correlation with my feelings that youth go unheard, and how I sometimes feel like a child who should be seen and not heard when people don't listen to me. Young people always tell us what they think, feel, and need, but because they haven't yet learned how to convey these things sufficiently, we only hear complaints, excuses, and rebellion.

We are all children in the midst of chaos fighting to be heard. We are, however, also the chaos. We need to listen to each other and not just hear. I remember years ago how I used to hear music, the beat, the bass, the rhythm of the lyrics, but I wasn't actually listening to the words. Once I began to listen to the words, I became much more discerning about the type of music I listened to. 

So many times when a tragedy occurs, or even just disappointment, there were warnings to which we didn't listen.There is much that we can offer and receive from one another, but we need to listen. Don't dismiss someone because they are not speaking in a language you prefer or are used to. Do pause amidst the chaos and observe, pay attention. There is value in every word that is spoken or unspoken, even if we don't know what that value is at the time. Listen.

In Defense of Children

Do you ever reminisce on your childhood? What memories come to mind? Do you think back on waking up at 7 a.m. during the summer (when you had to be dragged out of bed during the school year) eating a bowl of sugary cereal, then putting on your play clothes to go out for a full day of hard core playing? You ran fast and often, paid no attention to dirt or your noise level, invented games, laughed at everything, and then sprinted like Usain Bolt to make it into the house before the street lights came on, lest you face the rod that would not be spared. Maybe you recall comforting home cooked meals that lined your belly nightly...food so lovingly and skillfully prepared you even ate the vegetables!


Remember family vacations to visit relatives who adored and doted on you, with cousins that were your best friends for a couple of weeks? How about when your family showed up to every activity you participated in and cheered like you won an Oscar? Then there was the look your mom had that invoked the fear of God in you when you even thought about misbehaving in public. Or the way you couldn't get away with anything in the neighborhood because your good neighbors would admonish you and then tell your mom! No notes sent home from school were ever hidden from your parents more than once because they always found out and there was always a penalty to pay. Coaches and teachers were extended family in that they gave love, encouragement, discipline, advice and comfort as though there was an unwritten pact with your parents to guide you.


These are fond memories that some of you may do your best to give to your own children. But things are different today. Many children go to bed hungry only to wake up and go to school hungry. Some face perilous obstacles just to get to and from school. Even school isn't safe these days because the teachers and coaches are no longer allies, but adversaries. Children are bombarded with media targeting them and these images and messages erase their innocence and put their minds in a time machine often leaving their bodies, including their underdeveloped brains behind.  People used to believe the children are our future...now they seem to think they are a nuisance, our downfall, or objects to use and misuse as they please.


I've heard a lot of comments lately about hating or disliking children because of their behavior. I always say there are no "bad" children only children who need guidance. The fact of the matter is, a child's behavior is a direct reflection on the guidance they receive or lack thereof. It is also often the only way a child can express discontent...acting out if you will, because they haven't learned how or are too afraid to express their feelings or needs. So it really bothers me when adults badmouth children instead of redirecting them to better behavior. "It's not my child" is not a valid excuse, especially when your own childhood was rife with a village full of  parental figures.


Society has become lax on protecting our children. Teachers have become too frustrated with the lack of support and funding in education to care. Parents are too busy thinking about their own pleasures or needs, and poverty and crime  has been allowed to get out of hand. Yet, we admonish the children for crying out from the pain of having to suffer these circumstances.  Years ago in a training I heard this story  ("A Teacher's Story") that really gave me the best perspective when dealing with youth. I encourage all, especially teachers and others who work with children to read it. If you don't read it, or it doesn't ignite compassion within you...remember your own childhood and wish that for all children. Peace and blessings.

The Child Inside

Children have been on my mind and in my world a lot lately. I love children because they are so free, sweet, playful, loving, and honest. It's no wonder I have chosen to build my life's work around them. People often ignore them and their needs because they can't see how much more they know about the important things in life than we give them credit for knowing. Perhaps it's because children readily reveal their true emotions and feelings that adults deem them irrelevant. The truth is, children tell the world what adults keep hidden even from themselves. As I observe these small people expressing fear, pain, discomfort, and even joy, I recognize aspects of the child within us that we adults conceal.

Many of us carry emotions around which may have developed back in childhood, but we have been taught to bury. This is especially obvious with men because they were told that "big boys don't cry" or "real men don't show emotion." Women also learn that they must be "tough" in order to be successful yet "demure" so as to attract a man. Most of us are unable to be as free and honest as children are and this can often hinder the development of real connections and relationships, even with ourselves.

I find myself wondering how many of us recognize that much of our behavior as adults stem from events that occurred in our "formative years" or earlier. Formative is defined as sensitive or impressionable, capable of forming new cells, and that includes the brain. There's a sensitive child still living in all of us, and what we experienced during childhood still effects us today.

Children are uninhibited and get to be exactly who they are without judgement... until they reach a certain age. Then adults begin to tell them that they can no longer behave certain ways because they are "big boys or girls." If these little ones knew how stifling this could become as an adult, they might just rebel and refuse to grow up like Peter Pan. How confusing these messages must be to them. We tell them that honesty is the best policy, but they can't be honest about who they are and what they feel if it doesn't match the status quo.

I think we should reintroduce ourselves to the children inside of us and decide to unchain all that we've locked up. We should let go of all of the pain, rejection, humiliation, feelings of abandonment and disappointment that torture us, and allow the uninhibited, fun, playful, loving, sweet, and honest child to reveal herself. Some of you may think you don't have children, but there's one in all of us. Set him free. Love and light.

Stand up for your Rights

Sometimes I get angry at the injustice going on in the world, but other times I just get sad. I get sad because of the inaction that goes on despite the injustices. I can't even say that people only care if it effects them because many people don't even care then. Whatever happened to the days of Dr. Martin Luther King when people marched, protested, staged sit ins, were willing to get hosed and arrested for equal rights and justice?

 

Have we overcome? There's no reason, and I mean no reason there should be a homeless or hungry individual in America. Yet there are, and in numbers that could rival so-called developing countries. This country has the capability to help feed and house people in other countries, and we should, but we can't even take care of our own. Yes, I say we, because I have yet to give my very best effort. People in this country tend to be greedy and stingy. But we sit back and do nothing, even as we feed our children our helping of rice and beans so their bellies will stop growling. Where is your fight?

And what about our littlest victims? What of the children? Will no one stand up and speak for them? Facebook right now has people posting their favorite cartoon pictures as a "protest" against violence against children. And how will that stop violence against children? So many people just popped their favorite cartoons up and all they were talking about was how much they loved to watch them. Some people didn't even know why they put it up there. But when I created a petition aimed at getting stronger punishment for child abusers, only one person signed. One day I got an email for a petition to bring back the old Myspace. I immediately went to the site as soon as I got the email to see how many people had signed and there were over a million. My petition for children has four. None from Myspace members. Will you not fight for the children?

I hear people complain about security checks at the airport, well no one said anything when they were first implemented, where did you think relinquishing your rights to privacy and against illegal search and seizure would lead? Now, you may have to watch your wife or daughter get violated just to go on vacation.

I know some people don't believe changing a law, or a law at all will help. Their solution is to talk about how society must change in order for injustice to stop. Well, we are society and perhaps the change we need is from inaction to action. If you don't think my idea will work, that's fine, I'm not married to it, but give me an alternate solution. Let's not just sit and reason on it with no solution. Talk is cheap, you'd better get up and stand up for your rights. My Father the Mighty King told me, "Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph.”(H.I.M. Haile Selassie I). "He who stands for nothing will fall for anything." (Malcolm X)