The Labels We Carry Inside

A hot topic in my circle in the past year has been the issue of labeling genetically modified foods. The argument is simple: people deserve to know what they are ingesting. Recently, I witnessed someone (we'll call Sally)  make an assumption about another person's (let's call her Sue) character based on what she thought was rude behavior. Sally thought Sue had "snubbed" her with her less than enthusiastic greeting. What Sally didn't know was that Sue had just lost her best friend to breast cancer. She was only twenty two.

The thought immediately came to my mind that it was too bad that people didn't come with labels so that we could know what type of energy they were ingesting. We are often so quick to jump to conclusions or make assumptions without all of the evidence. Usually, it is my guess, it is because we make situations all about ourselves. We tend to expect people to behave or react the way we do or how our experiences tell us they should.

People tend to make a lot of assumptions based on what they see, which often is a facade. This rush to judgement often makes them react inappropriately. Think about the people on social networking sites who post only happy moments and good times. Or what about celebrities who smile in their thousand dollar dresses or luxury cars. We may think to ourselves, 'wow, they have it all,' or 'they are living the good life."But these are their "personas."
All of these people at any given moment could be suffering from loneliness, depression, illness, or some sort of loss. But we all try to put our best foot forward for appearances or in order to not burden others.

What if we could put a label on that said exactly what we were going through: "feeling lonely," "had a fight with my spouse," "in debt," "low self esteem." I wonder if it would make a difference in how we treat one another. A more sensible solution could be to check in on people and ask how they are doing. Or, perhaps, think to yourself, 'Sue is generally a kind and friendly person, and I haven't done anything wrong, she must be going through something.' If you know the person well, you should always think, 'I know she loves me and thinks highly of me so maybe I am miss interpreting her or there is something else behind her words and actions.'

In other words, before we make assumptions and rush to judgement, maybe we should take a step back, breathe, and think about who the person is, or even that we don't know the person or what they are going through. Until we get labels for ourselves, we should be careful not to label others. After all, we don't know what's inside. Peace and blessings.

I Am That I Am

One of the things I've learned recently while looking for a new job, is that more often than not, we are judged as either being too much or not enough. I applied to literally hundreds of jobs, and I was either over qualified or under qualified, and sometimes I was just qualified enough, but not what they were looking for...or as they like to put it "decided to go another way."  One's self esteem can take a beating and she can begin to see this pattern in every aspect of her life, putting the notion in her head that she should simply settle for less.

I've come to understand that it all comes down to perception, expectation, and desire.  Our perception of ourselves often does not match how others perceive us. Deepak Chopra says "Physical reality is a perceptual experience in a given consciousness through a particular brain. The brain is influenced by culture, history, religion, belief, so every brain creates different perceptual realities." So reality is different for each person. Based on our experience, culture, religion, etc., we tend to have certain expectations for different situations. Then there is desire. It seems that desire is almost impossible to fulfill in any aspect, be it job requirements, friendship, material possession, or love. Within the teachings of Buddhism, craving is thought to be the cause of all suffering.

Sometimes I get caught up in the idea of being everything for everyone, but the fact is, I can only be who I am at any given time in any given situation. Whether I am too much or too little, is up to others' perceptions, expectations, and desires. I can almost wrap my brain around this and live with it...if it wasn't for judgement. It seems with all of the different realities, demands, and cravings, often comes judgement on those who just don't quite make the cut. And yes, I am aware that my perception of this reality causes me to expect and want a different reaction...which is leading me to judge. So, is there a way around this?

Without getting too deep...because I'm not sure I can go that deep on this subject...I'm inclined to believe that all of these things come from the ego.  The ego is always wanting and never satisfied. So, it seems to me, the best thing to do is to take the ego out of the equation as best we can. I know, easier said than done. But if we live in the  moment and just experience others and what they have to offer, just for the sake of experiencing, might we be able to suspend craving, thereby ending our suffering? I'm not sure, but this is something I am working on. The experience of being rejected when I know I would be great at the job, or relationship, has caused me to consider what I may miss out on because of my own perceptions, expectations, and desires.  Each person is unique, and I have always been drawn to that which is most unique, whether it is ideas, people, or even fashion...perhaps because I often feel so different from everyone else.  This is why I am going to put every effort into not judging people or experiences and seeing what life has to offer. I hope you will too. Love and light.

Don't Box Me In

When I was a little girl, I remember my brother and I playing in a big box pushing each other around. (We were easily entertained). My brother then put the box over me and sat on it. I freaked out. This was the beginning of my claustrophobia. I knew even then that I didn't like being stuck in a box. Although I have my claustrophobia in check now, I'm still struggling to get out of boxes. People are not content with allowing others to be and evolve into who they were meant to be. It seems to be much easier for some to categorize, box, and label people in order to know how to deal with them accordingly. This hinders ones from truly being themselves and living freely. Even if a person lives his or her life the way he or she pleases, those who object or who cannot accept it either cause a disagreement, annoyance, or separation. So why do we feel the need to put people in boxes?

I was recently told by someone who has known me all of my life that my spirituality may be what turns my friends off and that I haven't been dating because I am too socially conscious. Now, this was ridiculous to me because it would seem to me that those qualities would be appealing to people, at least the people I would want to hang out with. But I know that what she was really saying was that it was a turn off for her. Yes, I have become more spiritual and socially conscious as I have gotten older, but those aren't the only facets to my personality. Yet, she has put me into these boxes as if I couldn't be more, as if she didn't know more. Perhaps the real issue is that she is unable to deal with those aspects of who I am and so they stand out to her. But she is not the only one who puts me in a box.

When I walk into a room, it's like filling out one of those "optional" surveys you see on job applications. Immediately people see African American and female. So now I'm put into the boxes of what that means to the observer. They see my dreadlocks, or my head wrapped, and now an entirely new box appears. Then they will ask a slew of questions to find out what other boxes they need to put me in: how old are you? what do you do? where did you go to school? where are you from? what's your religion? (when I tell them love is my religion they bring out the "coocoo" box). Once they're done surveying me, they think they know me. Then, they find out I'm rasta, vegan, and don't drink and they throw out all of the other  boxes and bring out new ones. But they still don't know who I am, and they will never learn if they insist on deciding before they interact with me or communicate with me for any length of time

They say you only get one chance to make a first impression. Well, a first impression is not always the entire truth, and sometimes not the truth at all. Some of my closest friends are people whom I didn't care for when I first met them. I either gave them a second or third chance, or it was forced upon me, and when I got to know them, I realized I was wrong. Youth go through this all of the time. Adults assume they don't know about certain things because of their age. I have learned from them that wisdom doesn't come from age but from experience, observation, listening, and learning. Some youth have experienced and seen a lot. So I let them show me who they are. If only everyone would do the same for each other.

India Arie sang, "I am not my hair, I am not my skin, I am not your expectations no. I am not my hair, I am not my skin, I am a soul that lives within." Remember, humans are multi dimensional beings with many different experiences, moods, desires, and abilities. We are souls, and souls are very complex because it takes a lifetime to shape them. So I say stop being Fed Ex and throw away the boxes. Enough employers and government agencies want to categorize us, we don't need to do it to each other. If you only know one side of a person, try getting to know other sides before you decide who they are. Better yet, don't decide who they are, just accept them.  Lastly, be your authentic self and refuse to get into the boxes people create for you. Love and light.