Lunchtime Reflections

I'm certain there's something going on in the cosmos that's inspiring these existential thoughts to be so at the forefront of my mind I have to take my lunch break to get it out. It occurs to me, quite often in fact, that all of the people we encounter in a single day, even the ones we think we know well, are really just mysterious creatures with a myriad of unseen facets.

We never really know what wheels are turning in a person's head, or what makes his or her heart ache or smile. We only know what people choose to let us know. I know that for me personally, there is no single person to whom I tell everything. In fact, there are things I know, think, feel, or have experienced that no one knows about. 

How, then, do we expect to really know someone? Well, we probably can't completely know someone. We are so conditioned by media or past experiences, to expect things/people to come in certain packages, so that when we see a package that we think is familiar, we put a label on it. We don't leave much room for people to reveal who they really are. Fear of judgement for either not looking as expected, or the pain of failure to be what is expected often causes us to conceal a huge part of who we really are.

So we smile and pretend we're not hurting, or maybe we feign being angry rather than cry. We play dumb in situations where we know we have insight because it is better than being belittled. How many times have you said something to someone and they blew you off and someone else told them the same thing and it became gospel?

This isn't some new revelation. I realize we are all aware that we don't know everything about each other. But, if we want to know each other better, we have to reveal ourselves to each other. That means trusting and making ourselves vulnerable, and it also means being open minded, empathetic, and non judgemental. At the very least, we should be kind. I'm just curious why if we know this, we don't treat each other more kindly, with more compassion? Why don't we check on each other? Why do we take our pain and anger out on others if we know they already must have their own? Why don't we lean on each other? Yeah, existential questions always seem to leave us asking why. But, my lunch break is over. Untill next time.

Lessons from Loss

This year began and ended with loss for me. I've been meditating on this loss for the past ten days trying to find a lesson, a nugget of wisdom, or some big picture perspective. Sitting next to the heater trying to warm my body, my heart was the first to melt and my "aha" moment came. I have not experienced loss, but an opportunity to acknowledge my gain.

Two very special people in my life have transitioned this year and I was devastated. When people pass, we often reflect on their lives and our time with them. It is in this reflection that I remember my blessings. The love, lessons, laughter, and memories that we shared have played a huge part in making me who I am today. I am thankful for that time and it will remain with me always.

What I have lost is regret for loving those who were unable to return that love. Each of them has brought something special to my life by being people who were lovable. Having regret for loving them puts conditions on love and turns it into something else...fear. We fear not being loved or not being able to love because a person is simply being who they are. We want to change them or give them rules for being part of our lives which really illuminates the fact that we don't actually love them we love who we wish they were.

I have also lost the desire to stifle myself or my love simply because it makes others uncomfortable. Life is but a breath and we waste each breath we take when we try to be who others want or think we should be. We waste precious time when we dislike or disrespect ourselves because we do not look, act, think, or speak how others say is best. Likewise, I have no desire to put those judgments on others. What is best for me may not be best for you, and vice versa. I love openly and sometimes recklessly because love is unchained, immeasurable and free. Because of the way I love, I know my loved ones know I love them.

I no longer need to hold on to people who don't appreciate or want me in their lives because none of us needs to suffer. Keeping such people in my life is abusive to me and to them. I will free us both from punishment for whatever we subconsciously feel we need to be punished.

Finally, I have lost my forgetfulness of the blessings I have in my life. There are many and they should get my focus, because although certain loved ones have moved forward and are no longer physically here, they have remained in my mind, spirit and heart. So my meditation is no longer on loss, but on what I have gained from these beautiful souls. More love, more life.