Move Like a Queen

I was inspired to do this post because whenever I check the stats on my posts, one has always been viewed each week. When I check the overall views for all of my posts, "Think Like a Queen"  (read it here) posted in April of 2012 has received far more views than the rest. This got me thinking, maybe this conversation isn't over yet.

Now I realize that search words led viewers to my blog, and I have no idea if my words had a positive impact on the readers. But the impetus for continuing this conversation is the fact that people are seeking to learn how queens think. I don't claim to be an expert, I am just relaying my experiences, both observed and lived, of what is recognized by others as queenly. 

I believe that a queen can be summed up as having words, thoughts, and actions that have emerged from a sole purpose: love. Nowadays, people have talked about 'showing love,' 'being love,' or 'having love' so much that it has become a concept of "new aged" thinking. But there's nothing new about love. It has been around longer than anything else. The universe has developed harmoniously and with perfection and respect for all life...and that's love. When a person has the intention to be kind, thoughtful, considerate, and respectful to all life, everything he/she does is loving. 

A queen will choose her words wisely and with the intent to strengthen, build up, uplift, guide, sooth, educate or correct. Her words, although they may sometimes chide, will be well meaning and with the purpose of creating harmony. She is careful to not only be kind, but precise in her meaning. She will be gentle but stern when needed, truthful yet positive, and her timing will be impeccable. 

She will be conscious of her emotions and not allow them to dictate her actions. She will, in fact, act purposefully rather than react rashly. Her movements are purposely made to help not hinder. She is cautious not to upset perfect balance, yet bold enough to bring order out of chaos. She knows the power of her femininity and shows restraint with it. The truth of who she is is always evident, yet she saves the mystery of what makes her unique for a select few. 

As trials come in every life, so a queen is not immune. Trials for a queen, however, become a step raising her closer to the heavens. She endures trials with quiet grace and burgeoning faith knowing that each wound, when healed, will leave behind tougher skin. A queen will always find a way to grow from trials and will readily share what she has learned so that others do not have to suffer the same fate.

I've seen some of these qualities in myself, but more so in other women whom I admire. I admit, it is not easy to always think, act, and speak like a queen. But I have always believed that perfection is the act of striving for perfection. Intention is far more powerful than mindless habit. So practice makes perfect. These are just a few of my humble thoughts and observations. More love royal ones.

A Crown and a Sword

In all of my writings about my journey to the throne, I have neglected to speak about one of the most important characteristics of a queen. A queen must be a warrior. Yes, with the crown comes a sword. As Voltaire said, "With great power comes great responsibility." The necessity to don armor and hit the battlefield is not only to defend others, but to defend one's crown as well.

The "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune," as Shakespeare put it, are ever present as a queen ascends the throne. There are always obstacles and sometimes setbacks. But a queen must fight because the crown is her birthright. 

Women in this world are born into conflict. Our power is either physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually (or all of these) snuffed out or stifled from birth. As soon as we exit the womb, we are bombarded with the beliefs and shackled with the restrictions of the world we have entered. We are clad with pink, bows, ribbons, and lace to identify us as delicate and fragile. 'Feminine' is given the connotation of 'weak.' But make no mistake, females are born with the same warrior spirit, toughness, and fortitude as males. The difference is that our feminine aspect provides us with different tools with which to fight, and different reasons for which to fight.

Women must be the caretakers of the world. The children, the planet, and all its creatures depend on the skills of the woman to both nurture and protect them. We are the warriors for peace, equality, safety, wisdom, knowledge and love. We also have personal battles to fight on a daily basis.

The daily battle in which we as women must engage is the battle to live freely, securely and at peace in our own skin on this earth. We must have Teflon skin when we are judged by our physical appearance rather than our mental and spiritual content. We must brandish a sword against belittling words, thoughts and actions that would sour our spirits. We often must physically defend our bodies against violence.

Black women must double our efforts to protect our kingdom (we are the kingdom) from the barrage of hate thrown at us not only because of our gender but also because of our race. The belief system that was in place at our births says that we are not beautiful, we are ignorant, aggressive, materialistic, argumentative, oversexed, and less worthy of love and affection. Many of us join in this belief and therefore denigrate ourselves even more in the process. Some of us take arms against these beliefs often to no avail for lack of support.

All women can relate to the struggle to be seen as worthy and powerful allies to men, yet only the black woman can comprehend or even recognize their battle. We are stereotyped, mimicked, overlooked, ostracized, degraded and misunderstood. Embedded in the psyche of society are not only the beliefs about women, but those of the black race. Unfortunately, they are also embedded in the black woman's psyche as well, thus making the battle even more arduous.

As queens, African, Native, Caucasian, Asian, Latina, and Hispanic, we must be willing and ready for the battlefield. Whether we are fighting for our children, our planet, our families or ourselves, we must acknowledge that we are in the midst of war. Yes, there is a time to trade in armor for silk and the sword for flowers. Part of our power is our femininity. Most importantly, we must link arms and march together towards the enemies of hate, greed, oppression and misogyny. These are our real enemies, not each other, not ourselves. This, I have learned, is what a queen does.

“All warfare is based on deception.” ― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

For clarity's sake, please allow me to define "queen" as I use it in this blog. I define a queen as a woman whose pride in herself and her heritage, her service to others, and her devotion to the upliftment of humanity make her appear as though she dons a  crown on her head. It is a birthright of all women, but it is a title that must be earned, not one that is bequeathed. This blog is about my journey to the throne.

I try to make it a daily practice to encourage others to rise above worldly behavior, to be better versions of themselves. Please forgive me if I've ever implied that this was an easy task. I know from experience that it is a daily battle....one which I don't always win. Yes, it is a battle, a war. It is a battle which "society" as a whole wages against us on a daily basis via media, the lure of material goods, and other false representations of happiness in order to gain control of our loyalty. Yes, that's what's at stake. Your loyalty ensures you'll buy their products, rhetoric, policies, lies, excuses and so on. But what do we get out of it?

As much as I fight against what society calls "the norm," I too fall prey to it's attack. The assault, after all, begins at birth, so some things require daily reprogramming. My job has a lot of windows that I must pass several times during a day. I always intentionally glance at my reflection to ensure all is well, and inevitably dislike what I see. I begin to criticize everything I see in my reflection. It wasn't until the other day that I realized that I was playing right into the hands of the enemy.

I said to myself, 'how often have you told others to crush the so-called "standard of beauty" and look beyond the physical to find true beauty?' Yet here I am, every day, comparing myself to a standard that only 2% of the population can meet. (Yes, the beauty standard is another elitist scam perpetrated on the masses...and even they cheat!). I am so concerned with my outward appearance because I know that is how people judge me upon first impressions. But why do I care so much when I know that if people take time to really see me, they would find the beauty I have worked so hard to create inside me?

I have to admit that this is one battle that I have yet to find the right defensive and offensive strategy to win. I not only contend with the inculcation of the past, but also with the damaging words and experiences of the present. At some point, I have to take responsibility for my own involvement in the ravaging of my self perception. Honestly, I rarely, if ever, encounter women who look like Kate Moss, yet I meet many beautiful women all the time.  Everyday I see posts on social networks of before pictures of a perfectly attractive woman, and the after picture of the same woman with muscles like men and bones protruding from their hips. Is that how I want to look? Certainly not.

At some point we all have to realize that we have a choice about what we believe and to whom we give our loyalty. We must learn to ask ourselves if buying into "the norm" or going with the "status quo" truly benefits us more than being who we actually are and desire to be. What is really in it for us, and can we actually attain lasting happiness by attaining a lifestyle of luxury and striving for an impossible standard of beauty? The battle is continuous and we can only win it together. Let us be conscious of what is really important: kindness, caring, selflessness, honesty, and love.