On the Matter of Living Freely

 Lessons unlearned have a way of repeating themselves until you learn them. It's the universe's nice little self-paced course in navigating life. One lesson I am finally beginning to learn is that others' opinion of me is of no consequence to the forwarding of my progress. Don't get me wrong, it is beneficial to have a good name, but that is achieved by good deeds. What others say or think about you is, however, subjective and therefore unreliable.

No matter how hard I have tried in the past to please others and be seen as good, honest, loving, and sincere, I have often missed the mark. My tendency is to work harder on myself believing this phenomena must be my fault. But I am realizing that the harder I try, the more people expect from me. It's as though good isn't great and therefore good seems bad. So the trick is to push forward knowing who I am and what I am capable of regardless of the criticism or the accolades.

Yes, praise is also unreliable. There may be an agenda behind them, strings attached, or momentary euphoria that will dissipate. Allow the good feeling that comes with compliments to strengthen your resolve, but do not rely on them as an accurate assessment of how one feels about you. Acknowledge your strengths and build upon them.

Criticism can break your stride, your heart, and your spirit...if you allow it to do so. Often criticism, even "constructive" criticism is based on someone else's ideals, past hurts, lack of full knowledge of you, jealousy, or an inaccurate assessment of the situation. Intention is often ignored and the whole of a person and their deeds overlooked. How often have the fifty "good" things you have said or done been erased by the one "bad" thing you say or do? I put good and bad in quotes because those definitions are subject to interpretation in any given circumstance.

So personally, the key to living freely is not giving weight to either praise or reproof. Know thyself, who you truly are at the core, your intentions, your thoughts,your capabilities, and your worth. This is not to say that one should not reflect on his/her own behavior. We should constantly turn the mirror on ourselves...especially in regards to how we view others. Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. With regards to praise and criticism, it is sometimes not what we say but how we say it. Since what we see is a reflection of who we are, perhaps the phrasing "what you said/did made me feel ____"  is an appropriate expression to use. True freedom comes from within, not from others. 

Tell the Children the Truth

Working with youth, I often need to fill in the blanks left by the education system, especially during black history month. Trust me, it's a big job. I am incensed to learn that there is even less black history being taught in schools today than when I was in school. Eighth graders have never heard of Marcus Garvey, don't know who Malcolm X is, and describe the underground railroad as 'tunnels for blacks who didn't want to be slaves anymore to use to escape,' as if there were blacks who did want to be slaves. Today, a student showed me a letter she had written to her principal asking why they weren't learning black history or at least having assemblies since it was black history month. The principal scribbled a note under her photocopied letter (the original probably going into her permanent file marked "agitant") telling her "Neither I nor the teachers can change the curriculum" and "you students are too behind for assemblies."  This made me wonder, is black history month hindering African Americans?

I am convinced that people of African descent in America have settled, and for too long, for a conciliatory 28 days of recognition from a country that was built on their blood, sweat, and tears. Africans have been in America for over 400 years. Since the first settlers were either too weak or too lazy to develop the land, Africans have been here as long as them. So Africans in America are as much a part of the history of this country (maybe more) as the europeans here. Why, then, are we content with the mere mention in the one or two paragraphs of Martin Luther King Jr. and George Washington Carver in the history books? Don't take my word for it, look in your child's history book. (If he's allowed to bring it home)

Dr. Na'im Akbar is the author of a book called, Know Thyself. This book "lays out guidelines for establishing a genuine curriculum in self-knowledge and plainly identifies that the development of consciousness of oneself is a process that emerges from exposure to the fields of knowledge that help people to know their origins, their nature and their destiny. African people around the world remain in a state of semi-captivity because we have accepted a miseducation that teaches us the knowledge of other people's "self." Such a system empowers those who come out knowing themselves and handicaps those who have no knowledge of self. The miseducated are merely trained and remain under the control of the educated masters." * In other words, a euro centric education edifies and empowers europeans while leaving all others ignorant of who they are and ill prepared to succeed in a world that would have them under its thumb forever.

If our children don't know that they come from a heritage of intellectuals, scientists, philosophers, healers, and leaders, they are not likely to believe that they have within themselves what it takes to become those things. I realize that this information has been missing from the education system for so long that some of you may not even know to ask for it. But it is high time that we demand the truth and tell it to our children. The Jim Crow days are over. We no longer have to take the scraps handed to us on a dirty platter. This isn't just about African American children either. A euro centric education is just that, european centered. No Latino, Asian, Native, or any other American is adequately represented in the history books. A euro centric education robs the european child of the truth as well.

Marian Wright Edelman said, "Education is a precondition to survival in America today." Just to survive one needs education. To succeed, one needs the truth. I would gladly give up those 28 days for substantial pages of truth in the history books.






*http://www.aalbc.com/authors/naim_akbar.htm