The Business of Life

Birthdays always make me reflect on the past year to illuminate my lessons and growth. Sometimes lessons only become apparent to me when I step back and view them from another perspective. One day, someone I care about did something that made me feel unworthy of love and respect. I immediately checked myself saying, "you've got to stop outsourcing your self worth." The thought then came to me; if I ran my life like the top business people ran their businesses, I would probably end up more mentally, emotionally, and physically in the black. I then thought, why aren't I? I mean, my life is serious business, right? So, consider this my annual report.

1. I outsource my self worth- (I'm too dependent on others’ opinions of me)

I've spent far too much energy trying to please, impress, or get the attention or affections of other people. Usually my tactic has been to change, unconsciously, little things about the way I act, speak, dress, or anything else that I think will get others to love me or just like me. I, of course, am not able to change the true me and thus feel unworthy when I am revealed and eventually rejected.

The truth is, it's not other people's jobs to like me, that's my job. Plus, not everyone we meet is meant to like us, nor are we meant to like everyone we meet. If you don't fit the profile, move on to the next person. Keeping your self worth in your own hands strengthens the value of your company...you.

2.   Not enough faith in my product (I don’t believe in myself enough)

      Many of us don't give ourselves enough credit for our capabilities, our triumphs, or our resiliency. There's no reason each of us can't experience the peace, joy, and abundance we seek. We keep rejection, 'failures', and beliefs handed down to us by well meaning loved ones close enough to recall should we dare to stretch beyond our comfort zones. "To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing." ~by William Arthur Ward 

Risk is part of business and life. But when you take stock of your gifts and match them with your passions, risks become calculated and a bit more viable.

3.  Not getting a good return on my investments (I give too much)

Women tend to have this problem often. We're usually nurturers and so our instinct is to give until it hurts us. Giving is great. I think we should give more than we take (take, not receive). But, some people are uncomfortable with receiving when they feel they can't match and return the gift. Even if you don't expect anything in return, the receiver may feel an imbalance in the relationship and pull away. Worse are the people who take advantage of your kindness and generosity and end up using you. 

The key is balance. Let's say you were investing in a young person's future. Would you pay four years worth of tuition in the first year, or would you pay year to year, or semester to semester waiting to see if the young person thrives or even decides to continue their education? It may sound manipulative, but it's really just pacing.

4.   I don’t hold my board accountable for my expectations of them (I give too many chances to those who wrong me)

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. This isn't about forgiveness. We should absolutely forgive, for our own sakes. This is about knowing when to say when. Like with giving, some people will continue to try to get away with as much as they can as long as you let them. We teach people how to treat us. We should let our expectations be known and hold others to those standards. If they are unable to hold up their ends, forgive them and terminate the relationship.

5.  I don’t know my true market (I sometimes choose the wrong company) 

Like any business, you have to know your market. We are the sum of the five people with whom we spend the most time. If you are choosing the company of those who don't support your dreams and ideas, or who don't respect who you are, you are marketing yourself to the wrong demographic. You may admire people for different reasons, but that doesn't mean they are a good match for your companionship.

Well there you have it, my annual report. I hope by this time next year these lessons have been mastered and my dividends (peace, love, joy, abundance in all areas of my life) have increased exponentially. I'm not perfect, but I believe true perfection is in striving diligently for it.

On the Matter of Living Freely

 Lessons unlearned have a way of repeating themselves until you learn them. It's the universe's nice little self-paced course in navigating life. One lesson I am finally beginning to learn is that others' opinion of me is of no consequence to the forwarding of my progress. Don't get me wrong, it is beneficial to have a good name, but that is achieved by good deeds. What others say or think about you is, however, subjective and therefore unreliable.

No matter how hard I have tried in the past to please others and be seen as good, honest, loving, and sincere, I have often missed the mark. My tendency is to work harder on myself believing this phenomena must be my fault. But I am realizing that the harder I try, the more people expect from me. It's as though good isn't great and therefore good seems bad. So the trick is to push forward knowing who I am and what I am capable of regardless of the criticism or the accolades.

Yes, praise is also unreliable. There may be an agenda behind them, strings attached, or momentary euphoria that will dissipate. Allow the good feeling that comes with compliments to strengthen your resolve, but do not rely on them as an accurate assessment of how one feels about you. Acknowledge your strengths and build upon them.

Criticism can break your stride, your heart, and your spirit...if you allow it to do so. Often criticism, even "constructive" criticism is based on someone else's ideals, past hurts, lack of full knowledge of you, jealousy, or an inaccurate assessment of the situation. Intention is often ignored and the whole of a person and their deeds overlooked. How often have the fifty "good" things you have said or done been erased by the one "bad" thing you say or do? I put good and bad in quotes because those definitions are subject to interpretation in any given circumstance.

So personally, the key to living freely is not giving weight to either praise or reproof. Know thyself, who you truly are at the core, your intentions, your thoughts,your capabilities, and your worth. This is not to say that one should not reflect on his/her own behavior. We should constantly turn the mirror on ourselves...especially in regards to how we view others. Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. With regards to praise and criticism, it is sometimes not what we say but how we say it. Since what we see is a reflection of who we are, perhaps the phrasing "what you said/did made me feel ____"  is an appropriate expression to use. True freedom comes from within, not from others.