It's Hard, but It's Fair

"It's hard, but it's fair." That's something an ex of mine used to say. People would always get a little perturbed because they couldn't understand how something that was hard could also be fair. I admit I couldn't see it myself for a while, but years after we broke up, his meaning, at least what I gleaned from the statement, is becoming a little clearer. What's fair is not always easy, especially if fairness considers the greater good.

I think that sometimes in life, if we want what we think is fair, what we believe we deserve, we have to make some hard choices. Some things cannot exist in the same space. For example, if we want to be healthy, we may have to give up unhealthy habits such as junk food, smoking, drinking, drugs, etc. A healthy body often cannot exist in the same space as certain bad habits. In other words, sometimes in order to get what we desire, we have to get out of our own way.

If you desire something or some situation in your life, it may be necessary to make room for it. If we are unable or unwilling to do this, yet we still make supplications to the Universe or a higher power, the Universe/higher power will do it for us. We are creators, but I think we are more like the architects who come up with the design, how we envision our lives, but the Universe/higher power takes care of the building..how the design comes together. 

If in order to build our desires, we must first tear down some realities, the Universe/higher power will send us "memos" or signs to do so. But make no mistake, if we fail to comply, the builders will procede with demolition because they want us to have what we desire. This may mean dismantling relationships, jobs, living situations, etc. in order to replace them with what we have ordered. If you desire to be happy, perhaps the Universe/higher power knows that happiness and your current mate, friend, job, etc. cannot exist in the same space.

It's a little easier if we take heed to the memos and take to clearing a way on our own. The best ways I can think of to do this is to take stock of your life often and listen to your intuition. Here's some tips:

Reveiw your current relationships/friendships/situations

1. Are your relationships balanced?
    a. Are you giving more than you receive be it material things, emotionally, energy wise?
    b. Do you find yourself giving more chances than you get? Is forgiveness followed by changed behavior,          or are the offenses repeated?
2. Do you feel the same about the person, job, home, etc. as you did in the beginning?
     a. Are you staying because it is comfortable, safe, or familiar?
     b. Does the person or people involved feel the same about you?
     c. Are you drained or energized by your interactions?
3. Are you growing, becoming stagnant, or regressing?
     
When we envision the things or people that we believe will make us happy, we only have our own knowledge and experience to go on. But the Universe/higher power has EVERYTHING/EVERYONE to go on. The builders may know of materials that will better give us our desired outcome than what we ordered. 

Understanding this, I now understand the phrase "It's hard, but it's fair." Letting go of people, things, or situations can be hard, but it may be necessary in order to make room for what we truly desire..and that's fair, isn't it?

Change, the Missing Link

As I'm sitting here studying the remnants of broken chains in the waste basket (I never use that term because I don't care for waste, but it seems appropriate here) I see photos, cards, mementos of the past. I'm also surveying the unlinked chains of what could be the future. They don't look dissimilar. There are also photos, some framed, perhaps prematurely, and mementos signifying promises of memories to come. I am reminded of how much of a constant change is in life. Chains and change are inextricably linked.

I've always been a fan of change, so much so that I used to change the furniture in my bedroom and living room around every few months. As I got older, and better employed, my furniture became more substantial. Being a single woman living alone, that kind of change doesn't happen much anymore. I started changing hairstyles every few weeks, probably to compensate, but then I grew dreadlocks.  I realized that as we get older, life's dealings become more substantial and so do the changes. Families are formed, careers flourish, bank accounts get bigger (a little bigger) children grow. Changes then have a bigger impact than the sofa being by the window.

Many people are resistant to change. They grumble about restructuring on the job, some stay in bad relationships. There's even a commercial for baby clothing with a slogan "If they could just stay little till their Carters wear out." So now we don't even want children to grow. Being resistant to change is about fear. People are afraid of the unknown. But remember what fear is : (F)alse (E)vidence (A)ppearing (R)eal. Changes happen everyday, every second, and the world hasn't ended yet. Change is necessary for progress, and although not all change is what we would like, we can't pick and choose the changes we want. Children need to grow, learn, make memories, form links of their own. Without change, careers don't advance, love doesn't grow, life doesn't progress.

As this country, the world, is sitting (literally) on the precipice of change, we seem to be in a waiting period. Maybe that's what people find most frustrating about change, the anticipation. I think of it as a building time, a period of preparation. Perhaps what we think of as waiting, is actually the change slowly beginning. It took a change in resolve to decide to unite and make a stand, as is happening  around the globe. Bonds, or links are being formed, clarity is being gained, and I'm sure quite a bit of self realization is happening. At this thought, I am brought back to the chains around me whose links have either been broken by change, or will be formed by it. I'm a little nervous about letting go of some links though they have served their purpose, and of connecting to new links whose purpose I have yet to learn. I find it to be at once sad and exciting, and definitely necessary. Love and light.