A Little Birthday Gift from the Universe...

I just had a birthday, and although I admit I was dreading it because lately, I have been buying into society's belief that once a woman reaches a certain age she should be archived, I am thankful for another year of life, experiences, and hopefully wisdom.

One piece of wisdom that has been like a truck blaring its headlights in my rearview mirror is how little other's thoughts and opinions of me really matter. The older I get, the more I understand that everyone has something going on in their lives that skew their view of life and the people in it. What's disheartening is that they often tend to vomit those view all over social media, and many people take social media waaay too seriously.

Some people base the way they deal with someone on how many of their posts a person does or doesn't like, or if they respond with a different opinion than their own, completely discounting their interaction with those people outside in the real world.

The thing, however, that irritates me is the hypocrosy. Whenever you hear about someone committing suicide or being bullied, there are all of these posts saying 'reach out to someone' 'I'm here for any of you' 'bullyng is wrong.' But some of the same people post memes making fun of the way people look or are dressed or behaving, and often these are people they don't even know. I'm sure that at some point, the people in those memes see them. How do they feel? Do they feel bullied? Suicidal? Can they reach out to you? Will you be there for them?

And about suicidal and depressed people reaching out to you; most of them aren't going to call you or message you and say, 'I'm depressed, I'm suicidal.' If you truly care,reach out to people just to check in on them. Making fun of people just because it makes you feel better about yourself and your situation is counteractive to 'being there.'

Finally, stop letting social media be the gps for how you feel or think about yourself or your life. Social media is just a place to let your narcissistic side run free. It's a chill spot for the ego. If you are depressed or suicidal, cancel all of your social media accounts and go find a real face to interact with.

This is one little piece of wisdom I've gained and hope to carry into the next 60 years...feel free to take some too.

Disconnected

Recently, I had problems with my Internet connection for several days. It turns out there was a "leak in the signal" which was causing intermittent disruptions in the connection.  I found this amusing as I thought the Internet has been causing intermittent disruptions in my personal connections for a while. A woman once told me that my tarot card was "the lovers" which meant I place value on relationships with others for success and happiness. I don't give much credence to tarot, but she was a bit on the money with this analysis.

I've always believed that how we relate to one another will determine our mutual success and happiness. We are connected at the very least in a "butterfly effect" kind of way. The ego, being so powerful, masks this connection and causes solitary behavior, thus shrinking the meaning and possibilities of our existence. Technology only throws another monkey wrench into the situation.

Friendships are now defined by "likes," "follows," "tags," and "@ mentions." The amount of effort needed to maintain a "friendship" is now down to a mouse click, yet those mouse clicks carry more value than actual face time. Have you ever smiled or gotten excited when certain people like your status/picture? Has an @mention ever made you feel closer to someone....even someone you've never met? Social media now determines how "connected" we are to each other. A few times I have called some friends on the phone and they didn't answer. I left messages for them on facebook and they immediately replied. Perhaps to them, replying on facebook so quickly was proof that they are my true friends....so was I not supposed to be offended that they didn't answer my call?

Now I know that some people say that "smart phone" technology enables them to connect immediately via social networking when they are too busy to answer calls or meet for coffee. But is it enabling them to connect in this manner or causing a need to connect this way? I mean, why are we busier now than we were before "smart phones" or facebook, or twitter? What did we do prior to cell phones?

I remember a time when I would spend hours on the phone or in person chatting to friends when I was distraught over a break up, losing a loved one, being laid off, or some other crisis. Now if I need consoling, I have to share my news with 387 of my "closest friends" just to get a "like" or heart emoticon.  I have a collection of cards and letters from friends for my birthday or when they were abroad....none recently. I remember spending hours with friends cooking a meal together, eating, drinking, laughing, sometimes crying. Those days seem to be gone. I'm not blameless in this. I too have acquiesced to today's way of connecting. It has, however, left me feeling lonely and longing for simpler tech-free times. 

Studies have shown that hugs, having someone to count on, and time spent outdoors and with loved ones raises ones' life expectancy and overall happiness. How are we getting this done online? Our expectations from relationships have been lowered, but have our needs? How do we really know how our loved ones are doing? Does a picture from a party tell us they are happy and healthy? Is a "like" sufficient support for our friends? In times of crisis, will any of your online friends go beyond a comment or philosophical meme to help? Will they even know you are in crisis? I say there is a "leak in the signal" causing intermittent disruption in our connections. We need to consciously power down our gadgets and get in each others faces. Connections made in person have staying power. Connections made online only stay when there is power. Peace and blessings.