A Little Birthday Gift from the Universe...

I just had a birthday, and although I admit I was dreading it because lately, I have been buying into society's belief that once a woman reaches a certain age she should be archived, I am thankful for another year of life, experiences, and hopefully wisdom.

One piece of wisdom that has been like a truck blaring its headlights in my rearview mirror is how little other's thoughts and opinions of me really matter. The older I get, the more I understand that everyone has something going on in their lives that skew their view of life and the people in it. What's disheartening is that they often tend to vomit those view all over social media, and many people take social media waaay too seriously.

Some people base the way they deal with someone on how many of their posts a person does or doesn't like, or if they respond with a different opinion than their own, completely discounting their interaction with those people outside in the real world.

The thing, however, that irritates me is the hypocrosy. Whenever you hear about someone committing suicide or being bullied, there are all of these posts saying 'reach out to someone' 'I'm here for any of you' 'bullyng is wrong.' But some of the same people post memes making fun of the way people look or are dressed or behaving, and often these are people they don't even know. I'm sure that at some point, the people in those memes see them. How do they feel? Do they feel bullied? Suicidal? Can they reach out to you? Will you be there for them?

And about suicidal and depressed people reaching out to you; most of them aren't going to call you or message you and say, 'I'm depressed, I'm suicidal.' If you truly care,reach out to people just to check in on them. Making fun of people just because it makes you feel better about yourself and your situation is counteractive to 'being there.'

Finally, stop letting social media be the gps for how you feel or think about yourself or your life. Social media is just a place to let your narcissistic side run free. It's a chill spot for the ego. If you are depressed or suicidal, cancel all of your social media accounts and go find a real face to interact with.

This is one little piece of wisdom I've gained and hope to carry into the next 60 years...feel free to take some too.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven"

I believe that at some point in every one's life, we reach an age where we are ready to receive (or remember) some vital knowledge about how to best maneuver through life. That age is different for everyone depending on his/her experiences, knowledge and willingness to receive said knowledge. Willingness is important because often times we might have to do things differently and think differently, which can be a challenge. Some people never open themselves up to receive this "awakening" because change can be difficult. But I believe we all reach that door.

For the last few months, I've been receiving this transmission. It's funny because for the last five years I thought I was already receiving and figuring things out. But apparently, that was just prep time. I was merely connecting the receiver. I'm sure that I'm receiving now because of the contentment that has washed over me even when things that used to send me spiraling into anger, fear or sadness occur. I feel more grounded.

What the heck am I talking about, right? Well, since January, I've been focusing on me; not in a selfish way, but in a calculated purpose driven way. You see, I'm a giver, a people pleaser, a mediator. In the past, being these things meant putting my own needs and desires on the back burner. It also meant feeling sorry for myself, blaming others for my lack, unhappiness, and feelings, both good and bad. Now that I am focusing on myself, I have a different perspective about everything.

It began with my determination to bring more stability to my life both financially and emotionally. At work, I stopped relying on only what came naturally to obtain moderate success and decided to push myself to do things I subconsciously feared I couldn't do to achieve maximum success. I'm not just speaking of financial success (although that is included) but also doing the work that I now accept as my talent in a way that has maximum benefit for those I serve. I know that if I show enough belief in myself and ideas, others will have belief in me too.

This required digging deep and figuring out why I dismiss great ideas and try not to over extend myself. There was only one answer: FEAR. In my personal life, I have had no problem over extending myself or putting my ideas out there for all to judge. But I was often met with rejection, disappointment, and regret (I hate that word). I began to understand that it wasn't any one's fault but my own that I allowed others opinions and actions to dictate how I proceed with my life.

Just because someone may think that I am unworthy, for whatever reasons, doesn't mean that I am. Believing them is blaming them for my fear and takes the focus off of the part I play in my own life. I would get upset because people didn't see the me that I know that I am. But they didn't see me because I didn't let them. Now, some of those people have a view of me that is not me at all. There are people, however, who when I meet them see something special in me, and they show me to myself. Sometimes the people who "know" you the longest or "know" a lot of things about you, don't really know you at all.

I accepted these views of me and stopped dead in my tracks thinking I needed to "fix" myself. The truth is, I blamed others for making me feel that I couldn't do or be who I already am. By focusing on myself, I take criticism as feedback, and if I find it to be false, I mentally feed it back to where it came from. I finally see that people have their own stuff going on and some of it can spill on me during daily interactions. It's not their fault for not seeing it, but it's not mine either...anymore.

I've essentially turned the mirror inward to see myself more clearly and to reflect my inner light back on myself as a reminder of who I really am. I push myself past my comfort zone, I let go of old habits and desires, and I take each moment as it comes. Now I'm not all "life is a bowl of cherries" positive all of the time. I accept my negative feelings when they happen. But I live in the "moment" and a moment is a very short time. I have read that a moment is roughly 90 seconds, so I try not to dwell in those negative feelings too much past that amount of time. I am content with my life as it is because I know I am now doing my very best and what it yields is what it yields. 

I am hopeful without being unrealistic, yet I have not lost my altruism (a trait of mine that many have called naivete). I am introspective in a more constructive way. Instead of focusing on what I did wrong, I focus on what I can do better next time. I am forgiving in a more useful way. Instead of thinking the person had a bad moment, I understand that there are issues that person has to work out and the offense may occur again until they do. I just have to decide if I want to deal with it again.

When all is said and done, I guess this point in my life where I am receiving these insights means I am maturing again. I think we mature in stages rather that all at once. Wisdom comes with readiness rather than age. I liken it to a pitcher in baseball. He has a number of pitches in his arsenal, but he doesn't bring his best pitch until the time is right.

Wisdom From A Dream

Last night I had a powerful dream. I was in the desert at night sitting around a campfire with a group of people whose faces I didn't see but I knew I knew them. There was a Native American elder telling stories. The first story he told was of a man who spent his life searching for gold. One day he came upon a cave with several chests. One chest stood out because it had a golden sheen. He went to open it but it was locked, so he took out his tools and spent many hours attempting to unlock it. 

Meanwhile, the chest next to it which was made of splintering wood and had rusted hinges was unlocked. Inside it was diamonds, pearls, and rubies of tremendous value. But the man overlooked that chest and went about trying to unlock the other. As night fell, the man grew tired and decided to rest. When leaned against the wall, he noticed that the chest he had been working on was actually made of mirrored glass that had been reflecting the sun peering through and opening in the roof of the cave. He took a stone and smashed the chest open only to find that it was empty. Dejected, the man left the cave and continued his search...leaving the unnoticed chest full of jewels behind.

The elder said, "The treasure you seek may be disguised but it is not hidden. You must open every chest to get to the heart of the matter." Then he instructed us to look into the fire and he tossed a stick into it and said, "See how the fire burns stronger with just a little fuel? But the flame must be fed."

He continued with another story about a man who travelled the world seeking wisdom. He visited all of the known spiritual masters for counsel, but they all told him the same thing, "The wisdom you seek is already within you." The man was dissatisfied with this answer and continually replied, "If the wisdom was within me, I would not have travelled all of these miles seeking it!" The man became weary on his journey and sat on the side of a road under a tree weeping when another traveler came upon him. The traveler asked the man, "Why are you so sad dear friend?" The man replied, " I have travelled many miles the whole world around seeking wisdom from all of the great masters but none can tell me anything except 'the wisdom you seek is within you.' Can they not see I am not wise?" The traveller replied, of course they can because they know that  one who possesses much wisdom has it in the heart, not on the lips and one head does not contain all the wisdom. Listen to your heart."

The Native elder then said,"Our first teacher is our own heart." Then he instructed us to look into the fire again and said, "See how the twigs burn but the rocks beneath it absorb the fire and retain the heat. We must not be the fuel for the fire, but allow the fire to grow hot within us."

The final story he told I had already heard, then again it was my dream. He told the story of a man who heard the voice of God speak to him. The voice said, "See the large bolder at the bottom of that hill? Go and push it." The man was a spiritual and faithful servant and so he did as he was told by the Great Spirit. Everyday for months the man push the bolder all day making little progress. His muscles ached but grew, and his skin, bathed in daily sun, became tough and leathery. One day, exasperated, the man cried out, "Oh Great Spirit, I honor You, I have tried to do what you asked but I am not strong enough to push this bolder up that hill. Why have You given me such an impossible task?" Then the Great Spirit replied, "My son, you are a loyal servant and you have indeed done all I asked. I never asked you to push the bolder up the hill, I only asked you to push it! Look at how your muscles have grown and how much more power you have! See how tough your skin is because of the sun baking it daily! You are now strong enough for what is to come."

The elder then said to us, "Not every task will yield the results you expect, but you will grow stronger for it." He instructed us one last time to look into the fire. "Is the fire hot enough? How will you test it? Will you put your hand in it? Surely it is hot enough to burn your skin." Then he threw another small stick into the fire and said, "It is not your job to judge how hot the fire is. It is only your job to feed it. The fire will be hot enough...it is fire! Your only job is to keep it burning."

I woke up and wrote down all I had remembered because this was a rare and powerful dream. I think I have learned the lessons within it, but if I forget, I have it writing now! I know for sure that I must keep the fire burning by feeding it. I think the fire is passion and the fuel or wood can be many things; family, friends, love, music, knowledge, wisdom. I feel like my Father The Mighty King was speaking directly to me...just when I needed it. I hope this helps you too. 

Forward Movements

The Akan people of West Africa have a saying, "Se wo were fi na wosan kofa a, yenkyi," which literally translated means "There is nothing wrong with learning from hindsight." The Sankofa bird is the symbol for this aphorism. The word SANKOFA is derived from the words SAN (return), KO (go), FA (look, seek and take). The symbol is based on a mythical bird that flies forward with its head turned backwards. This reflects the Akan belief that the past serves as a guide for planning the future, or the wisdom in learning from the past in building the future. Most of us, however, when looking back at the past tend to dwell on what could have been.

Sometimes things, words, or events trigger memories that pull us back into the past and threaten to saddle us with regret. We start in with what we shoulda, coulda, woulda done. What we forget in those moments is that what could have been would have been if it should have been. When we reminisce over past loves, friendships, or jobs, we often forget what caused us to leave the situation in the first place.

Remembering the past is not a bad thing, especially if we glean lessons from it. But the past is not what drives us into the future. It is our energy in the present moment that propels us forward. It is no coincidence that the word moment is derived from the latin word momentum which means cause of motion. The past stays where it is, so it cannot push us forward.

We can, however, bring wisdom and lessons from the past with us. What did we learn about ourselves, the world, or human nature that we can use in the present moment to drive us into the future. Think of it in terms of a car. If in the past you had a car that overheated and you poured cold water into it while it was hot  causing it to crack the engine block, I bet you'd take that lesson with you to the next vehicle. That's how we should live our lives.

If you don't know or have forgotten the lessons of the past, be like the Sankofa bird, turn your head back and pick the jewels of wisdom up all while still flying forward. There's a saying, "When one door closes, another opens," but you can't walk through the next door if you are walking backwards towards the closed one. Love, light, and forward movements.

The Rising of a Queen: Year One

Today marks one year since I took my first step in my journey towards the throne and moved 400 miles north of family and friends. I am, therefore, in a reflective mood. A friend told me I "bare my soul" well in this blog. It's funny, that wasn't my intention, but a blog about this journey of mine is bound to be revealing. So  this question comes to mind; what have I learned and/or accomplished this past year? Hmmm, well a lot has certainly transpired, both good, and not as good. I think I can certainly say the good outweighs the not so good. But have I learned anything? Have I gotten any closer to the throne? This past year has definitely been a roller coaster ride, many ups and downs, highs and lows. I've learned that the lows weren't that low, and the highs, well they were pretty high.

During the coldest and wettest winter of my life, I was without a car or the finances to get one, then one was given to me. Many of the people I've come in contact with haven't been very friendly, and I don't really fit in in my new neighborhood. I haven't made many friends that I can spend time with, but one friend I made enabled me to meet and spend time with some very lovely and friendly people who just happen to be my favorite band. That experience alone has made this move worth it. Although I have spent a great deal of time alone, it has meant plenty of time to pick my writing back up. I'm not sure if I've gotten any better at it, but the inspiration is definitely there. Things seem to always balance out. I guess one lesson is that when life doesn't seem to be going your way, be patient and have faith that life is happening that way for a reason; to make way for something even better.

Preparations for the throne include self evaluation and improvement, adjustment of my attitude and outlook, paying attention to that voice inside of me, the voice of my Father the Mighty King, increasing my faith, positivity, confidence, and knowledge, and knowing myself. I have overcome fears, recognized weaknesses, and gotten closer to my Father. I still have many miles to travel, but now that He knows I am serious, my Father has revealed a great deal more of the path to me that I am to follow. If we pay attention to what's going on around us in nature, with other people, society, our heads and hearts, we can see and hear what the universe or Higher Power is trying to tell us. I've learned that not everyone will be able to see what I see, or understand it, and some may call me crazy, so I keep much of it to myself.

In this year, I've noticed many changes in myself spiritually, mentally, and physically. I don't know if it's age, the different environment, or could I be getting wiser? Maybe it's all of those. I'm a seeker of wisdom. I never feel wise so I always look for answers as well as questions. I like to surround myself with people who are more intelligent about the things I need to learn more about. Everyone has something they can teach us. I learned that from working with youth. They get a bum rap. People dismiss them because of their age, but with age does not necessarily come wisdom. Some wisdom leaves us as we age. We get wrapped up in worldly meaningless pursuits and forget the keys to happiness that were given to us at birth. Age doesn't bring wisdom, we have to seek it, continually. The first place to start is within ourselves.

Everything we need to be happy, to succeed, to make a beautiful life is inside of us already. We create the reality in which we live. I used to think that some people make life happen while others let life happen to them. The truth is, we make the life we live with all the things we do, say, and think, as well as all we don't do, say, or think. Now this is a lesson a few people have tried to teach me a while ago, but I was not in the right place mentally, spiritually, and physically to understand it. So in that respect, this move was not only a good decision, but a necessary one. There are goals, hopes, and dreams that I have neglected that will now receive my full attention because I am now aware that I can bring them to fruition without waiting for the "right" time, people, or circumstances. The time is now, I am the person, and circumstances are inconsequential. I give thanks to the few of you who have been following this blog. I do bare my soul a bit in it and your interest is honored. I wish you Love and Light.