The Mean Girl/Bad Boy Attraction

Today I heard a song called "Some Kind of Woman" by Rocker T, that really got me thinking about what men and women look for in relationships.This is a bluesy/country/folksy reggae song (I love fusion style music) in which Rocker T asks "how does a mean hearted woman find such a kind hearted man?" but continues, "You know I work so hard just to keep you satisfied." Now I'll admit, at first this song caused an old question that always brought confusion and dismay to resurface in my mind.  I've always wondered why "kind hearted" men chose "mean hearted" women, and vice versa. But I listened to the song several times and I realized that in part of the chorus he sings, "you must be some kind of woman, I've got to keep you by my side." I thought, she must be, and this must work for some people.

I, personally, like a kind hearted man, but I'm not a mean hearted woman. The real question that arose for me, and always has, is do I have to pretend to be mean in order to attract a kind hearted man, and could that even be sustained? I could be mean, trust me, but it would eat me up inside very quickly to be that way towards someone I care about. I certainly couldn't stay with a mean hearted man for any length of time. I suppose, however, it is not always the case that these different types of people connect, but it clearly happens.

As I pondered what would make a "kind hearted man" (or woman) go out of his/her way to keep a "mean hearted woman" (or man), I quickly dismissed the love is blind theory.  He's not blind to her mean heart, he overlooks it. Perhaps he holds on to the good in her? Once upon a time, I figured these types of women must have a magical (read sexual) hold on these men...maybe they had talents in the bedroom? Maybe they create balance within the relationship, providing something the kind hearted mate lacked or needed. I'm not here to judge or provide definitive answers, but to create dialogue and gain understanding...so feel free to comment.

Different people have different definitions of "mean."  Perhaps a woman is hard to get and even harder to keep and that provides the challenge that a man likes. Maybe what others might observe as "bitchy" or "overbearing" another might experience as encouragement and guidance. Strong independent women often get labeled as mean, even in a world that requires them to be strong and independent. A lot of women like the "bad boy" persona, and some men like the "bad girl" persona. I guess what I've come to realize is that we always have choices, all of us. 

There must be something about that type of relationship that is fulfilling for some. They say opposites attract. I've had friends with "mean" mates, and I've never asked them what the attraction was...so I'm asking you. Do you have a mean hearted woman/man? If so, what makes you work to keep them by your side? I love music that makes me think. Give thanks Rocker T. Peace and blessings.