I Am That I Am

One of the things I've learned recently while looking for a new job, is that more often than not, we are judged as either being too much or not enough. I applied to literally hundreds of jobs, and I was either over qualified or under qualified, and sometimes I was just qualified enough, but not what they were looking for...or as they like to put it "decided to go another way."  One's self esteem can take a beating and she can begin to see this pattern in every aspect of her life, putting the notion in her head that she should simply settle for less.

I've come to understand that it all comes down to perception, expectation, and desire.  Our perception of ourselves often does not match how others perceive us. Deepak Chopra says "Physical reality is a perceptual experience in a given consciousness through a particular brain. The brain is influenced by culture, history, religion, belief, so every brain creates different perceptual realities." So reality is different for each person. Based on our experience, culture, religion, etc., we tend to have certain expectations for different situations. Then there is desire. It seems that desire is almost impossible to fulfill in any aspect, be it job requirements, friendship, material possession, or love. Within the teachings of Buddhism, craving is thought to be the cause of all suffering.

Sometimes I get caught up in the idea of being everything for everyone, but the fact is, I can only be who I am at any given time in any given situation. Whether I am too much or too little, is up to others' perceptions, expectations, and desires. I can almost wrap my brain around this and live with it...if it wasn't for judgement. It seems with all of the different realities, demands, and cravings, often comes judgement on those who just don't quite make the cut. And yes, I am aware that my perception of this reality causes me to expect and want a different reaction...which is leading me to judge. So, is there a way around this?

Without getting too deep...because I'm not sure I can go that deep on this subject...I'm inclined to believe that all of these things come from the ego.  The ego is always wanting and never satisfied. So, it seems to me, the best thing to do is to take the ego out of the equation as best we can. I know, easier said than done. But if we live in the  moment and just experience others and what they have to offer, just for the sake of experiencing, might we be able to suspend craving, thereby ending our suffering? I'm not sure, but this is something I am working on. The experience of being rejected when I know I would be great at the job, or relationship, has caused me to consider what I may miss out on because of my own perceptions, expectations, and desires.  Each person is unique, and I have always been drawn to that which is most unique, whether it is ideas, people, or even fashion...perhaps because I often feel so different from everyone else.  This is why I am going to put every effort into not judging people or experiences and seeing what life has to offer. I hope you will too. Love and light.

Which Way is the Wind Blowing?

On the heels of the re-election of the first African American president in the United States, many people of color are feeling empowered and swept up by what they believe are the winds of change. What they fail to realize in all of their excitement, is that the winds of change are blowing in the wrong direction.

Yesterday, I found this on the hood of my car:












This symbol, the "swastika," has positive origins and meanings particularly in Indian religions like Buddhism, Hinduism, and Jainism and in many cultures is seen as a symbol of good fortune and a meaning of "higher self." In Nazi Germany, the symbol was adopted by the Aryan race and has stigmatized the symbol with negative connotations.

It is quite possible that misguided youth did this to my car as blocks and blocks of cars and houses were marked with this paint...though I was the only one who received this symbol. I highly doubt it was a band of Buddhist or Hindu youth celebrating my goodness and wishing me good fortune. So I am apt to believe they are aware of the negative connotations the swastika has been given by the Aryan race. If misguided youth did this, was there malicious intent? I don't know. What I do know is that they learned of this ignorance from somewhere.  

I started an online magazine last month called "Conscious Comments"* for the very purpose of awakening the collective consciousness in order to create enough higher energy to combat lower energies such as this. In other words, it is my intention to draw out the good to overcome the evil.  The  more of us who are aware of the level of negativity and hate swelling in these "winds of change," the more of us there will be to change their direction. This incident tells me I'm on the right path.

My family told me I should take the Lion of Judah symbol off of my rear view mirror so that I would no longer be a "target." They tell me to get a stun gun or pepper spray. What they don't realize is that Lion of Judah necklace is my shield, and love is my weapon. I can't find it in me to fear ignorance. Too many before me have shown me that there is no reason to do so.

My grandmother marched with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., as did countless others of our ancestors, black and white. A great deal of change resulted. Do not, however, mistake a change in law (or president) for a change in heart. Hatred may have been silenced a bit, but was not eradicated. It was passed down like a family heirloom. I say this to say that the work Dr. King, my grandmother, and your grandmother began is not finished. The work of Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela, and many others is not done. 

Marching may not be the answer for this type of incident, but education and a saturation of love is certainly in order.  Do not get swept up in the wind until you are aware of which direction it is blowing. Meanwhile, I will take the original meaning of the swastika and live from my higher self.  Love, light, and consciousness.

*Conscious Comments