Lessons from Loss

This year began and ended with loss for me. I've been meditating on this loss for the past ten days trying to find a lesson, a nugget of wisdom, or some big picture perspective. Sitting next to the heater trying to warm my body, my heart was the first to melt and my "aha" moment came. I have not experienced loss, but an opportunity to acknowledge my gain.

Two very special people in my life have transitioned this year and I was devastated. When people pass, we often reflect on their lives and our time with them. It is in this reflection that I remember my blessings. The love, lessons, laughter, and memories that we shared have played a huge part in making me who I am today. I am thankful for that time and it will remain with me always.

What I have lost is regret for loving those who were unable to return that love. Each of them has brought something special to my life by being people who were lovable. Having regret for loving them puts conditions on love and turns it into something else...fear. We fear not being loved or not being able to love because a person is simply being who they are. We want to change them or give them rules for being part of our lives which really illuminates the fact that we don't actually love them we love who we wish they were.

I have also lost the desire to stifle myself or my love simply because it makes others uncomfortable. Life is but a breath and we waste each breath we take when we try to be who others want or think we should be. We waste precious time when we dislike or disrespect ourselves because we do not look, act, think, or speak how others say is best. Likewise, I have no desire to put those judgments on others. What is best for me may not be best for you, and vice versa. I love openly and sometimes recklessly because love is unchained, immeasurable and free. Because of the way I love, I know my loved ones know I love them.

I no longer need to hold on to people who don't appreciate or want me in their lives because none of us needs to suffer. Keeping such people in my life is abusive to me and to them. I will free us both from punishment for whatever we subconsciously feel we need to be punished.

Finally, I have lost my forgetfulness of the blessings I have in my life. There are many and they should get my focus, because although certain loved ones have moved forward and are no longer physically here, they have remained in my mind, spirit and heart. So my meditation is no longer on loss, but on what I have gained from these beautiful souls. More love, more life.

After Winter Must Come Spring

With winter only seven days away (though freezing temperatures lately suggests it's already here!) I recall the symbolism the season evokes. The cheerful sun seems to be taken captive by the uncertainty of grey clouds and the biting chill in the air forces us to seek shelter and warmth. Harsh times are always synonymous with winter; worthy of retreat, a time to take cover.

I'm reminded of John Steinbeck's The Winter of Our Discontent, a story about a man of honesty and integrity who makes questionable choices in order to regain his lost fortune and standing in his community. When faced with our personal winters, when we feel the need to run for cover, hibernate, or find alternative means to guard us from the cold harsh storms of our lives, certain choices present themselves which if taken, can cost us dearly.

Our fight or flight instincts kick in as we go into survival mode. Degrees of survival techniques can range from stashing away cash for a rainy day to stomaching a travelling companion's thigh (ok a little dramatic). What's key is to recognize which situations call for which techniques. When our lives seem to spin on their axes away from the sun bringing the colder sides of reality to the forefront, it can appear to be a crisis of grand proportions. We are tempted to make choices we otherwise would not. Our thoughts zoom in on our own personal survival, and consequences may take a back seat.

It is always wise to take a moment or two to assess the situation and weigh the consequences of each choice, and we always have choices. Making rash, potentially selfish or detrimental decisions during our "winter of discontent," could leave us in worse condition than when we started. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems and change always comes.

As life evolves with the seasons, the world can be a cold place that chills us to the bone, and our hearts, if we let it. What we must remember is that the world keeps on spinning, changes continue to occur and after winter comes spring. So we can flee to warmer climates, chop our houses down and use them for firewood, or we can use every resource from thermal underwear to earmuffs to keep us warm until spring returns. Just remember, spring will return.

On the Matter of Living Freely

 Lessons unlearned have a way of repeating themselves until you learn them. It's the universe's nice little self-paced course in navigating life. One lesson I am finally beginning to learn is that others' opinion of me is of no consequence to the forwarding of my progress. Don't get me wrong, it is beneficial to have a good name, but that is achieved by good deeds. What others say or think about you is, however, subjective and therefore unreliable.

No matter how hard I have tried in the past to please others and be seen as good, honest, loving, and sincere, I have often missed the mark. My tendency is to work harder on myself believing this phenomena must be my fault. But I am realizing that the harder I try, the more people expect from me. It's as though good isn't great and therefore good seems bad. So the trick is to push forward knowing who I am and what I am capable of regardless of the criticism or the accolades.

Yes, praise is also unreliable. There may be an agenda behind them, strings attached, or momentary euphoria that will dissipate. Allow the good feeling that comes with compliments to strengthen your resolve, but do not rely on them as an accurate assessment of how one feels about you. Acknowledge your strengths and build upon them.

Criticism can break your stride, your heart, and your spirit...if you allow it to do so. Often criticism, even "constructive" criticism is based on someone else's ideals, past hurts, lack of full knowledge of you, jealousy, or an inaccurate assessment of the situation. Intention is often ignored and the whole of a person and their deeds overlooked. How often have the fifty "good" things you have said or done been erased by the one "bad" thing you say or do? I put good and bad in quotes because those definitions are subject to interpretation in any given circumstance.

So personally, the key to living freely is not giving weight to either praise or reproof. Know thyself, who you truly are at the core, your intentions, your thoughts,your capabilities, and your worth. This is not to say that one should not reflect on his/her own behavior. We should constantly turn the mirror on ourselves...especially in regards to how we view others. Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. With regards to praise and criticism, it is sometimes not what we say but how we say it. Since what we see is a reflection of who we are, perhaps the phrasing "what you said/did made me feel ____"  is an appropriate expression to use. True freedom comes from within, not from others. 

The Journey

I often don't like to post a blog unless I have solutions to the questions I ask. But more and more I am beginning to realize that it's not always the answers that provide more direction, rather the questions themselves illuminate the pathway. It's not the destination that's important, but the journey.

Statistics have shown that many people change careers between seven and fifteen times in a lifetime. Men and women usually have numerous relationships throughout life. There are many phases to a life because our desires, needs, likes, circumstances, knowledge change as time moves. Change is constant and inevitable. The challenge comes when trying to navigate the changes inside and around us.

Sometimes life's changes don't create the life we dreamed of or desired. So what do we do then? Of course some will say that we can have whatever life we desire, we just have to create it. But it takes nine months to create a baby, so creating a desired life or lifestyle will take time too. So how do we maneuver during this time in a way that is productive. What if we aren't quite sure what we want to create?

Uncertainty is a prickly fact of life. To be honest, the unknown has always been an enemy of mine. Perhaps this is the reason why I put so much energy into strengthening my faith. I know my Father The Mighty King is guiding me through a path that He feels is best for me. I can trace the route that lead me to where I am at this moment back many years. But not seeing what's around the bend is nerve wracking...sometimes terrifying! No, I never imagined the life I am currently living, and there are certain aspects of it that I would change.

I am not implying that I don't like the way my life has turned out. I am trying to figure out how to live a life I didn't expect with the greatest joy, love, acceptance, and productivity that I can muster. Rolling with change takes work. Knowing yourself helps. What are your strengths? I am hopeful (even when I can't be positive), I am generous (though I don't have many possessions) I am a good communicator (yet sometimes at a loss for words) and I am forgiving (had to work very hard on that one).

How do these strengths help me navigate the uncertain waters of life? I am still figuring that one out. I like who I am, who I have worked hard to become, even though my life looks nothing like I dreamed it would be. I am now faced with the challenge of travelling  the next leg of this journey blindfolded. I know, however, that my Guide would never lead me astray. Safe journey fellow travelers.

Before You Lead...

"A good leader inspires others with confidence in him; a great leader inspires them with confidence in themselves."

As I scroll through my facebook page, I see memes with inspirational quotes from inspirational people and that brings a smile to my face. As I scroll down further, I see more posts by the same people who posted the memes condemning those who choose not to think, live, or believe the same way they do. Many of these people seem to have taken on a self appointed roll of leader/guru/yogi. Although it is admirable that as they find enlightenment, they desire to share it with others, it is unsettling that they feel that the "truth" that they have discovered for themselves is the only truth for everyone.

While truth can indeed be a powerful weapon in many situations, it tends to do its own work and doesn't need to be brandished like a billy club. There are many truths in the universe and what may be true for one person, may not be true for another. For example, a California resident may find a vegetarian lifestyle to be true for him, whereas a resident of rural Alaska may not.

I have found that for me, the best spiritual leaders/teachers and leaders/teachers in general have been the ones who have taught and empowered me to seek, learn, and find my own truth, thereby enabling me to grow. I think the goal of leading should be to create more leaders and the goal of teaching should be to create self sufficiency. The ultimate goal should be growth in any case. But people grow and learn in different ways and at different paces.

Before I became vegan, a community of people I had frequent discussions with bombarded me with criticism for being a carnivore, telling me that my lifestyle was out of line with who I claimed to be. I of course took offense because they didn't really know me and they were forcing their definition of who I should be upon me. My choice to become vegan years later ultimately had nothing to do with their reasoning. As I grew and changed, so did my choices and lifestyle. I was ready to find my truth.

We must remember that the "truth" is all of us, but our experiences and backgrounds may color the way we express that truth. Bashing someone over the head with "the truth," and condemning those who choose not to follow it only leads to resentment and resistance. If what you are trying to create is a league of people who mimic your lifestyle, then you are no different from those whose lifestyle you despise. If what you are trying to create is a humanity of free thinkers who live in a way that benefits everyone, why not try enabling them to find their own truth within themselves. Lead by example, not force. Peace and blessings

Shine On

This blog is called the rising of a queen because of my quest to elevate my mental, spiritual, and physical self to a place of royalty. I am not seeking to be or be treated like Queen Elizabeth, living in an elaborate palace removed from the people. I am aiming to be more like the Queen of Sheba of Ethiopia-a seeker of wisdom or Queen Nyahbinghi of Uganda-a warrior with my ultimate goal being to be like Empress Menen of Ethiopia, the Mother of Creation. In my journey, I am careful to remember that I rule no one, my life is my crown, and I am better than no one.

I've never sought the spotlight. In six years of television production and two years as a drama major, I always focused on behind the scenes work. Even in my work with youth, I have understood that my purpose is to shine the light on them. As a manager, I've always felt responsible for mentoring staff and giving them opportunities to shine. I've never felt I was meant for the spotlight, a trait usually foreign to aries, which is probably why I put writing on hold for so many years, even though it is my passion.

Does any of this make me better than anyone? Absolutely not. There are those who are meant for the spotlight, who thrive in it. It would make my purpose meaningless if there weren't. But what I've learned is that there is enough light for everyone, in fact, we all have moments in which we shine because we are all miraculous creatures with varying talents, skills, and knowledge that are vitally linked to one another.

I often find myself unwittingly in the midst of a competition I neither entered nor know the rules. Although competition can be a healthy motivator and even fun, it need not turn us against one another. We are all in this boat together and if I help you row, I will get there too. I see the success of those I help as my own success. I have no need to step into the light because when they shine I can see the way clearly. At any rate, we are all light ourselves. We don't need a spotlight on us because it is already in us...we just need to let it shine. Make no mistake, I have my own little light, and I'm gonna let it shine...but I'll probably be shining it on you. Love & LIGHT.

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Love

Some people are very fortunate to find another with whom to share their love, life, time, thoughts, space, and hearts. A small percentage of these people actually recognize the miracle that has occurred. It seems difficult to find others who vibrate on or near the same frequency as ours, but usually, we create those difficulties ourselves.

Others are still searching the far corners of the earth, often with something or someone specific in mind who will fulfill their hearts' desires and make them feel whole. Truth is, there is love all around us all the time, and we were born whole. What is it that keeps us searching for what is right in front of us? I've often thought that the media plays a large part in blinding us from real love. But with further thought, I recognize that these distractions have been around longer than technology. 

If we take a look at fairy tales, poetry, and plays like Shakespeare's, we can see the fantasy of the perfect mate showing up setting off fireworks while riding in on a white horse has been around for ages. There was a time when we chose a mate for his ability to hunt and protect or her ability to bear children and make a home. It seemed that the assumption was that if we took care of each other, that was love. I don't want to generalize and stereotype the different things men and women seem to be looking for in a mate, but I will say that we waste a lot of time in the search.

I've pondered for a long time whether or not everyone is meant to be paired up. After all, not everyone made the journey on the ark. In contemplating a life un-mated, I've learned not only how to love without expecting love in return, but also how to see love in all the different faces I encounter on my journey. To some, this may sound depressing or negative, but I find it freeing...most times.  When one is able to just love, that love grows inside you and happiness blossoms. Those blooms are noticeable and draws people into you.

I can see small acts of love that others take for granted, and I can feel huge waves of love that some try to hide. When you choose to simply love, love reveals itself to you in all its different disguises as though you've won a game of hide and seek. You are never without love, and therefore never have to seek it. For those of you looking for love, it's right in front of you. For those of you who have found love...don't lose it. Love and light.

Queen in Retrograde

I woke up in a fantastic mood this morning. I was refreshed. I had a stimulating conversation with a co-worker before I started work, and I finally dressed in the right combination of layers for the transition from early morning freeze to afternoon Indian Summer. But around 9:25, old Merc started moving backwards...and took me with him! All day today, I had to restart projects I have been working on for the past week. I seemed to be in high demand from everyone, and there was, of course, the daily afternoon extremely amateur metal concert.

But I did not lose hope. I played my uplifting music and I decided to deploy one of my secret emergency weapons. I knew if I could ingest some form of hot, salty, fried potato product, I could make it through the day. An angel volunteered to fetch some for me and the anticipation of sweet (salty) relief washed over me. The day looked brighter as I saw her return with bags in her hands. But then she uttered words that sounded like a foreign language to me, "they were all out." That's when I knew. I didn't even have to do an internet search. Mercury is in retrograde. 

RETROGRADE: Moving backward; having a backward motion or direction; retiring or retreating.
2. inverse or reversed, as order.
Astronomy
a.
moving in an orbit in the direction opposite to that of the earth in its revolution around the sun.
b.
appearing to move on the celestial sphere in the direction opposite to the natural order of the signs of the zodiac, or from east to west.

I had to look up retrograde to see exactly what was happening to me today. I don't claim to understand all of the astrology aspects of the word, but once someone told me that all of the things that were out of wack some days were a result of Mercury being in retrograde, every time I have a day like today I assume that is the cause (today I guessed correctly). 

It doesn't seem to matter if I know it's coming or not, or if I have explicit details as to what it means. I always feel powerless against it and just settle in for the ride. Apparently, the retrograde being in Scorpio means diving inward to discover my "dark side" and hidden secrets. But I don't even have the strength to deal with all of that. So I just kept moving backwards in order to move forward. I'm a forward ever backward never kind of queen, so this was very uncomfortable for me. But as I learned today, sometimes the universe has its own way of telling you to do a better job.

I pulled out my tried and true weapon, a much healthier choice, brother Bob. I played Bob Marley's Three Little Birds three times back to back and then just listened to a Bob Marley medley for the rest of the day. I reached out to a friend who ALWAYS makes me smile, and I did. On the way home, I stopped by the grocery store and found a vegan gluten free dark chocolate cookie (more like a brownie) and it was AWEsooommmme! So retrograde that Mercury! A hot shower, a cup of tea, and a new start tomorrow. I give thanks. Forward ever. Blessings.

Disconnected

Recently, I had problems with my Internet connection for several days. It turns out there was a "leak in the signal" which was causing intermittent disruptions in the connection.  I found this amusing as I thought the Internet has been causing intermittent disruptions in my personal connections for a while. A woman once told me that my tarot card was "the lovers" which meant I place value on relationships with others for success and happiness. I don't give much credence to tarot, but she was a bit on the money with this analysis.

I've always believed that how we relate to one another will determine our mutual success and happiness. We are connected at the very least in a "butterfly effect" kind of way. The ego, being so powerful, masks this connection and causes solitary behavior, thus shrinking the meaning and possibilities of our existence. Technology only throws another monkey wrench into the situation.

Friendships are now defined by "likes," "follows," "tags," and "@ mentions." The amount of effort needed to maintain a "friendship" is now down to a mouse click, yet those mouse clicks carry more value than actual face time. Have you ever smiled or gotten excited when certain people like your status/picture? Has an @mention ever made you feel closer to someone....even someone you've never met? Social media now determines how "connected" we are to each other. A few times I have called some friends on the phone and they didn't answer. I left messages for them on facebook and they immediately replied. Perhaps to them, replying on facebook so quickly was proof that they are my true friends....so was I not supposed to be offended that they didn't answer my call?

Now I know that some people say that "smart phone" technology enables them to connect immediately via social networking when they are too busy to answer calls or meet for coffee. But is it enabling them to connect in this manner or causing a need to connect this way? I mean, why are we busier now than we were before "smart phones" or facebook, or twitter? What did we do prior to cell phones?

I remember a time when I would spend hours on the phone or in person chatting to friends when I was distraught over a break up, losing a loved one, being laid off, or some other crisis. Now if I need consoling, I have to share my news with 387 of my "closest friends" just to get a "like" or heart emoticon.  I have a collection of cards and letters from friends for my birthday or when they were abroad....none recently. I remember spending hours with friends cooking a meal together, eating, drinking, laughing, sometimes crying. Those days seem to be gone. I'm not blameless in this. I too have acquiesced to today's way of connecting. It has, however, left me feeling lonely and longing for simpler tech-free times. 

Studies have shown that hugs, having someone to count on, and time spent outdoors and with loved ones raises ones' life expectancy and overall happiness. How are we getting this done online? Our expectations from relationships have been lowered, but have our needs? How do we really know how our loved ones are doing? Does a picture from a party tell us they are happy and healthy? Is a "like" sufficient support for our friends? In times of crisis, will any of your online friends go beyond a comment or philosophical meme to help? Will they even know you are in crisis? I say there is a "leak in the signal" causing intermittent disruption in our connections. We need to consciously power down our gadgets and get in each others faces. Connections made in person have staying power. Connections made online only stay when there is power. Peace and blessings.

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Don't Miss the Boat!

Lately I've been thinking about a joke I once heard. It's about a man in the ocean who was drowning and a couple of fisherman in a small boat happened by. The fisherman said to the man, "give us your hands we'll pull you in." The man replied, "No, that's ok, God will save me." A few minutes later, a yacht came near the man and threw a life ring in the water yelling, " take the ring, we'll pull you aboard." Still, the man refused saying, "Don't worry, my Father in heaven will rescue me." After another while, the man really began to struggle to stay afloat when a cruise ship came up to him. They threw him a life boat and shouted, "get in and row towards the ship and we'll save you." Once again the man replied, "No thank you, I have faith that God Almighty will save me!" As the cruise ship sailed away, the man's struggle became too much for him and he drowned. Once he got to heaven he met his maker and asked, "God, I had so much faith that you would save me! Why did you let me drown?" God replied, "I sent you three boats!" I guess it's more of an allegory really.

How many times have you missed the boat because "salvation" didn't appear the way you imagined? External influences and indoctrination cause us to formulate ideals and expectations of how our desires will manifest. God, The Great Spirit, the universe, fate, or whatever you call the higher energy that seems to move throughout our world gives us ample  blessings, opportunities, and chances to fulfill our needs and desires, but we are often blind to them because they don't appear the way we expect.

I'm learning that the best thing to do is to eliminate expectations altogether. Once we open our minds and hearts to all possibilities, we are then able to let go of ideals that keep us from seeing what's right in front of us. Media seems to influence most areas of our lives. We are told what beauty is, what love and success looks like, and even what will make us happy. All of these things are subjective and will therefore look different for different people. Once we stop allowing outside influences to dictate how we think, feel, and behave, then we let go of expectation.

Now this doesn't mean that one should not have hope or be optimistic. Though hope and optimism both involve expectation, one is not attached to the outcome. When we are hopeful or optimistic about a situation's outcome, we essentially "willing" the best to happen rather than looking for the best to appear as we imagine. For example, if the drowning man was "hopeful" and "optimistic" about God saving him, he would have recognized the boats as being his salvation. Instead, the man must have had "expectations" of a giant hand reaching from the sky and snatching him up out of the water.

Be hopeful and optimistic that the best will happen for you. Let go of your preconceived notions of what "the best" is and you will be able to recognize it when it comes. Miracles happen around us everyday...don't miss the boat! Peace and blessings.

Truth Is...

In the end, it all goes back to the beginning. I'm learning from my journey to the throne that life interferes with truth starting from birth. We are all born with all of the knowledge we need to be healthy, happy, accomplished beings. As soon as we are born, however, we are being taught to adopt as truth what those who came before us have adopted as truth. I used to think that at a certain point in our infancy we forget what we already knew. I'm now starting to wonder if dependency on our caregivers creates in us a need to acquiesce in order to survive. If this is true, what happens to us, then, once we are able to care for ourselves? Why do we not return to the knowledge with which we are born? At some point, I surmise, we abandon it, and if we ever choose to denounce what we have always been told and seek the truth within, it becomes an uphill battle.

Most animals know instinctively what must be done for survival. Birds are pushed out of a nest and automatically fly; four legged animals stand and walk from the moment they exit the womb; and mothers of these animals have no need for birthing or parenting classes. Humans pass this information and these lessons on to their offspring which ensures and makes survival of the species easier and more efficient. Other lessons, however, can become detrimental to the mental, emotional and spiritual survival of humans.

We are not just taught how to walk, talk, read, or write. We are taught how and what to think, behave, and believe. We are taught right and wrong. These are the lessons that are subject to interpretation. We are all one, all connected, the same on a basic molecular level. Our purposes and functions as part of a collective, however, differ on many levels. Think of humanity as a machine and each human as a different part of the machine. Each part has a particular function in order to work in harmony with the other parts making the machine functional and useful. Each part/person, then must have specific behaviors, shapes, processes, etc. So although we are one, we are different and for reasons.

These differences enable us to contribute to this machine called society in unique ways which can benefit the collective. Why then, and how, are we so determined to have everyone think, behave, look, believe the same way? We are told what happiness, beauty, love, success, and even God should look like, and we reject anyone or anything that suggests otherwise. We do this to the point of ignoring our own feelings, instincts, intuition and experiences.

When we have seen or experienced happiness without fancy cars, expensive clothes, or flashy jewelry, what is it that compels us to believe we are not or can not be happy without them? If we feel love for someone who is different than what we have been told is lovable or attractive, why do we run from that love? We have become a society reliant upon acceptance in order to be happy. I am not immune to this. I too have consciously and unconsciously done what I thought was expected of me, believed what I was told about myself (both good and bad) and allowed myself to be defined by the collective.

We intrinsically have an inner truth that may only be true for ourselves and our function within the machine. Whether we are aware of it or not, we go through a constant inner battle between the truth we are born with and the truth that is indoctrinated in us throughout our lives. The indoctrinated truth causes wanting because it is not our truth. This wanting causes us to suffer when we can not manage to live a truth that is not meant for us. If we are aware of this battle, we seek our own truth, and in the end, it all goes back to the beginning.

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Every Mikkle Mek A Mukkle

This Jamaican proverb means simply, the small things count because the small things add up to big things. It’s similar to the saying, “Every little bit counts.” This proverb could apply to a myriad of different things from saving money, to cooking, to deeds. When you were a child, did you ever have a piggy bank into which you put every coin you procured until one day you had enough for your favorite toy or treat? Have you ever wondered why a pinch of salt made such a big difference in a recipe? Then there are the things we do for others or that others do for us.

Often, the material world has us caught up in getting big things now. We can sometimes find ourselves in a bind when we rush or take shortcuts to get the immediate “big payoff.” We really fall short when we fail to recognize the little things people do for us to show they care or when we fail to do little things for others because the flash of grandiose gestures blinds us from what is truly special.

Every deed we do, good or bad, has the potential of making a lasting impression on others’ lives, including those who witness them. Perhaps you’re a man or woman of meager means who can’t afford expensive gifts or fancy nights out, but you take the time to send a text, leave a note, or make a call to that special someone to let them know you are thinking of them. You might just say, “I hope you are having a great day.” It may appear to pale in comparison to a Rolex, unless the receiver read the message at a low point in his or her day.

Many years ago my brother had some old friends over and much alcohol was consumed. I took everyone’s keys and told them to grab a piece of the floor. It seemed logical, I didn’t want anyone driving drunk, so I thought nothing of it. Several years later, one of my brother’s friends who was at the gathering called to take me out to lunch. To my surprise, he expressed immense gratitude to me for taking his keys that night because he thought he was fine to drive, but realized that he wasn’t once I took his keys. To be honest, I didn’t even remember the incident…but he did. Making a difference in one person’s life is easier than you think. One small gesture, kind word, smile can be the difference between a good or bad day for someone, or even a good or bad decision that could change his or her life.

We can often get overwhelmed by ideals. If we think of how many hungry people there are in the world, we may come to the conclusion that the little bit we can offer will not make a dent in feeding them. But there are 7 billion people on the planet. Imagine what a third of us could do together.

We shouldn’t back away from the seemingly daunting task of being human because it is the little things that we do that add up to big things. If compassion is part of our daily dealings, then every little thing we do ads up to something big for humanity. It is the essence of being human, which we sometimes forget. Every smile, recycled bottle, minute spent with a loved one, kind gesture, and penny donated builds a resume of memories, love, and positive energy. If we see the universe as an ocean and every living thing in it as a drop, we can see how Every Mikkle Mek a Mukkle

The Labels We Carry Inside

A hot topic in my circle in the past year has been the issue of labeling genetically modified foods. The argument is simple: people deserve to know what they are ingesting. Recently, I witnessed someone (we'll call Sally)  make an assumption about another person's (let's call her Sue) character based on what she thought was rude behavior. Sally thought Sue had "snubbed" her with her less than enthusiastic greeting. What Sally didn't know was that Sue had just lost her best friend to breast cancer. She was only twenty two.

The thought immediately came to my mind that it was too bad that people didn't come with labels so that we could know what type of energy they were ingesting. We are often so quick to jump to conclusions or make assumptions without all of the evidence. Usually, it is my guess, it is because we make situations all about ourselves. We tend to expect people to behave or react the way we do or how our experiences tell us they should.

People tend to make a lot of assumptions based on what they see, which often is a facade. This rush to judgement often makes them react inappropriately. Think about the people on social networking sites who post only happy moments and good times. Or what about celebrities who smile in their thousand dollar dresses or luxury cars. We may think to ourselves, 'wow, they have it all,' or 'they are living the good life."But these are their "personas."
All of these people at any given moment could be suffering from loneliness, depression, illness, or some sort of loss. But we all try to put our best foot forward for appearances or in order to not burden others.

What if we could put a label on that said exactly what we were going through: "feeling lonely," "had a fight with my spouse," "in debt," "low self esteem." I wonder if it would make a difference in how we treat one another. A more sensible solution could be to check in on people and ask how they are doing. Or, perhaps, think to yourself, 'Sue is generally a kind and friendly person, and I haven't done anything wrong, she must be going through something.' If you know the person well, you should always think, 'I know she loves me and thinks highly of me so maybe I am miss interpreting her or there is something else behind her words and actions.'

In other words, before we make assumptions and rush to judgement, maybe we should take a step back, breathe, and think about who the person is, or even that we don't know the person or what they are going through. Until we get labels for ourselves, we should be careful not to label others. After all, we don't know what's inside. Peace and blessings.

Being Yourself

I was thinking about the middle school youth I work with. You can learn a lot from middle school youth. They are in that in between stage of no longer children but not yet adults. They don't know exactly who or what they are. This, along with surging hormones, can cause them to go through some confusing and difficult times. Youth these days seem to get judged unfairly because their self exploration and desire to stand out while being accepted at the same time causes them to behave erratically, act out, and get angry with all who don't understand them.

Actually, this description is not unlike a lot of adults sometimes.  There is a group of "mean girls" in my program who are just some very bright and sweet eighth graders who have yet to figure out where they fit into the grand scheme of things. They intimidate the sixth and seventh graders, and some of the eighth graders too! They are often rude and disrespectful, particularly with adults whom they don't know or like. They 'tested' me in the beginning, by their own admission. When they saw that I wasn't going anywhere, wouldn't judge them, but correct them, and that I give them multiple opportunities to adjust their behavior, I became the one adult they did like and respect.  Of course, showing them I wouldn't tolerate disrespectful behavior played a part too. They like that I always show them respect regardless of how they behave.

Working with middle school youth gives me insight into the behavior of many adults...myself included. Everyone is trying to find their place in the world, and anyone who is working to do better and be better is going to run into some bumps in the road. Children are constantly being told how and who to be with no discussion on whether or not that's who or how they want to be. Don't get me wrong, we must teach  children to be good people, but we mustn't define for them what that looks like.

I personally have been told all of my life how I should talk, dress, think, love, learn, be. Much of this advice comes from loved ones so I try to take heed because I believe they are advising me out of love. Often times, however, they are just regurgitating what they have been told without giving thought as to whether it would fit who I am at the core. Sometimes I have to wonder who that really is and if it would be pleasing to anyone. Perhaps this is why I work with youth. I understand what it is like to be told to "be yourself" after years of so many different people telling you what "yourself" should be. It makes me wonder if we ever really leave the middle school stage of life or do we just take on more responsibilities...and advise. More love.

Uncle

When someone passes away, people say, "I'm sorry for your loss." It is slowly but surely being revealed to me that it is not a loss, rather a gain. Unfortunately for most of us, it is a gain of some things we most surely would have benefited from recognizing and appreciating while our loved one was still here.

My uncle recently passed, and I feel compelled to honor him in some way. Please do not mistake this post for that, as it is not nearly sufficient enough to do him justice. My uncle was a quiet man of clear strength mentally, physically and emotionally. He was not known to use a lot of words, but his actions, the way he lived his life spoke volumes. There was no doubt that he loved his family as he often showed by being there for their every need. I can't imagine that anyone who met him had anything less than respect and love for him. There was a silent sweetness about my uncle that drew ones into him.

My brother and I used to say that my uncle walked softly but carried a big stick. He had the ability to charm with the same quiet strength he used to correct. He was the most significant male figure in my life, and I only now realize that he was the example the Most High gave me of the type of man I should choose as a mate. I missed this, somehow, believing that I had missed out on the father/daughter experience, when all the while, the uncle/niece experience was even more beneficial.

He treated me like a princess; spoiling me with parties and gifts, rewarding me for A's, and being there for every significant event in my life. He wasn't overly demonstrative, or demonstrative at all for that matter, neither was he pejorative. He loved in deed, and one moment of sternness was all that was needed (although I admit, he saved most of that for my brother). I remember that he always came for Sunday dinner and would watch westerns afterwards. I would sit at his feet and color or read, because westerns were boring, but I loved my uncle. Then, one day, "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" came on. At first it was Enio Morricone's soundtrack that drew my attention. But I soon became drawn in by the "Man With No Name" and his ability to strike fear with a single look in a scene that seemed to go on forever with no dialogue. The Good, Clint Eastwood's character, spoke few words, but commanded much respect...my uncle in a nutshell.

When I think about my uncle's life, I realize that while he was here, he was a living example of a good man. He chose a wife who honored and loved him and his family as her own. He easily embraced her family, and he worked hard and made the sacrifices necessary to provide for her and their son. Looking at the man my cousin has become today, it is clear that my uncle's good character, sweetness, and quiet strength has been passed down to another generation. I will strive for these same qualities as well as surround myself with like people, and in that way, honor my beloved uncle.

Higher Power

Sometimes I wonder how people who don't believe in a higher power of any sort manage to get through difficult times or even the little day to day mishaps. If they seem happy, I really wonder what they do to get through. My faith is sometimes the only thing that gets me through these times.

We are all saddled with so many burdens these days. Life can seem oppressive. lonely, and overwhelming. People seem to float silently in their own little bubbles, concerned only with what affects them. We forget about each other...that we are put here for each other. It's a comfort to me to know that there is something bigger than myself, a higher energy, or energies, that I can call on for strength.

These energies are often in the form of like minds and hearts, some of whom we have never or will never meet. who are vibrating, or thinking and feeling on the same wave length. My Father, the Mighty King (as I call H.I.M.) has shown me hope, given me strength, and provided me with the tools to gather and use that strength. To those "non-believers" this may sound obtuse, but I am thankful for the resilient spirit having faith in goodness has created.

In my opinion, even when two gather and have reasonable discourse about good in the universe with the purpose of understanding and being better, that, in itself, is a higher power. Any good we even think about is a higher power...if good is being defined as that which helps and doesn't harm.

I write this at the end of a long day filled with doubt, unfulfilled dreams, hard news, and no shoulder to cry on. I am struggling to cope with that which I cannot control or understand...yet. Still, I have writing, music, and hope...for that I am thankful.

The Butterfly Effect

On this day we celebrate the life of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. It has been dubbed "A day of service." I love that we honor Dr. King's memory by serving others as he was so adamant about serving our fellow beings. I would, however, encourage ones to remember Dr. King's works, his service, to humanity in his fight for human rights. We must not forget his dream because we have yet to realize it. The fact is, governments worldwide still have much to do in the way of gaining justice and equality for all humankind. The onus, though, is not just on governments, but also on we the people. There is much we can do to ensure equal rights for all, so a day of service is fitting, but might I suggest we extend it to many days.

There are many ways to serve and I believe service, like all things, begins at home. I am not referring merely to your actual home, although it is a good place to start. Your friends, family, and community are all places where your service can be helpful. How many times has someone asked for your assistance and you found you were too busy or would be too put upon to oblige? I often have ones asking for a shoulder, an ear, a ride, money, support, and I try to give it. Some find ways to take advantage, and I get reprimanded by loved ones for "doing too much for people." That seems like such a selfish statement sometimes.

Dr. King once said, ‎"An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity." This statement makes me think of the butterfly effect. The butterfly effect is a term used in chaos theory to describe how small changes to a seemingly unrelated thing or condition (also known as an initial condition) can affect large, complex systems. The term comes from the suggestion that the flapping of a butterfly's wings in South America could affect the weather in Texas, meaning that the tiniest influence on one part of a system can have a huge effect on another part. So, if I set aside my individualistic concerns and help someone in need, the effects of that action can be far reaching.

If I buy someone a meal, I put money into the economy and community, securing jobs for at least another day, which enables others to eat, farmers to survive, children to be nourished so they can grow and become productive members of society, possibly creating a better world...and that's just how my buying a meal for someone might effect the business I purchased it from! My point is, when we help one, it is never just one we help, and we help ourselves in the process. If you can't find a reason to serve someone, think of the butterfly effect and realize you will be serving all of humanity. More love.

Conscious Comments

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