Lunchtime Reflections

I'm certain there's something going on in the cosmos that's inspiring these existential thoughts to be so at the forefront of my mind I have to take my lunch break to get it out. It occurs to me, quite often in fact, that all of the people we encounter in a single day, even the ones we think we know well, are really just mysterious creatures with a myriad of unseen facets.

We never really know what wheels are turning in a person's head, or what makes his or her heart ache or smile. We only know what people choose to let us know. I know that for me personally, there is no single person to whom I tell everything. In fact, there are things I know, think, feel, or have experienced that no one knows about. 

How, then, do we expect to really know someone? Well, we probably can't completely know someone. We are so conditioned by media or past experiences, to expect things/people to come in certain packages, so that when we see a package that we think is familiar, we put a label on it. We don't leave much room for people to reveal who they really are. Fear of judgement for either not looking as expected, or the pain of failure to be what is expected often causes us to conceal a huge part of who we really are.

So we smile and pretend we're not hurting, or maybe we feign being angry rather than cry. We play dumb in situations where we know we have insight because it is better than being belittled. How many times have you said something to someone and they blew you off and someone else told them the same thing and it became gospel?

This isn't some new revelation. I realize we are all aware that we don't know everything about each other. But, if we want to know each other better, we have to reveal ourselves to each other. That means trusting and making ourselves vulnerable, and it also means being open minded, empathetic, and non judgemental. At the very least, we should be kind. I'm just curious why if we know this, we don't treat each other more kindly, with more compassion? Why don't we check on each other? Why do we take our pain and anger out on others if we know they already must have their own? Why don't we lean on each other? Yeah, existential questions always seem to leave us asking why. But, my lunch break is over. Untill next time.

The Labels We Carry Inside

A hot topic in my circle in the past year has been the issue of labeling genetically modified foods. The argument is simple: people deserve to know what they are ingesting. Recently, I witnessed someone (we'll call Sally)  make an assumption about another person's (let's call her Sue) character based on what she thought was rude behavior. Sally thought Sue had "snubbed" her with her less than enthusiastic greeting. What Sally didn't know was that Sue had just lost her best friend to breast cancer. She was only twenty two.

The thought immediately came to my mind that it was too bad that people didn't come with labels so that we could know what type of energy they were ingesting. We are often so quick to jump to conclusions or make assumptions without all of the evidence. Usually, it is my guess, it is because we make situations all about ourselves. We tend to expect people to behave or react the way we do or how our experiences tell us they should.

People tend to make a lot of assumptions based on what they see, which often is a facade. This rush to judgement often makes them react inappropriately. Think about the people on social networking sites who post only happy moments and good times. Or what about celebrities who smile in their thousand dollar dresses or luxury cars. We may think to ourselves, 'wow, they have it all,' or 'they are living the good life."But these are their "personas."
All of these people at any given moment could be suffering from loneliness, depression, illness, or some sort of loss. But we all try to put our best foot forward for appearances or in order to not burden others.

What if we could put a label on that said exactly what we were going through: "feeling lonely," "had a fight with my spouse," "in debt," "low self esteem." I wonder if it would make a difference in how we treat one another. A more sensible solution could be to check in on people and ask how they are doing. Or, perhaps, think to yourself, 'Sue is generally a kind and friendly person, and I haven't done anything wrong, she must be going through something.' If you know the person well, you should always think, 'I know she loves me and thinks highly of me so maybe I am miss interpreting her or there is something else behind her words and actions.'

In other words, before we make assumptions and rush to judgement, maybe we should take a step back, breathe, and think about who the person is, or even that we don't know the person or what they are going through. Until we get labels for ourselves, we should be careful not to label others. After all, we don't know what's inside. Peace and blessings.

Challenge: Be kind

Happy New Year to you and your family. This year is about going bigger and bolder for me as I have some catching up to do on my trod to the throne. Many people use the arrival of a new year to make resolutions which they let go of in a few days, weeks, or months. Resolutions are just words without a plan and a prayer. I don't do them anymore, but I do like the idea of using this new orbital period as a new beginning, a fresh start. It's a hopeful time, however brief it may be, when everyone decides to work towards being better people to themselves and others. Some actually achieve these goals, and so I have been pondering how to help people create goals that they can actually achieve.

The first issue to get away from is making a resolution. A resolution is a statement or declaration of an intention (dictionary.com). A statement or intention has very little strength behind it. Now dictionary.com defines a goal as; the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end. That is what we need, to exert effort towards an aim or end. But first we need a plan. One problem with resolutions is that people don't think them through enough to see if they're attainable for them, how they will go about achieving them, and if it is realistic. Most people resolve to lose weight by eating right and exercising, but they have no real idea of what eating right or exercising is. They think celery sticks and water combined with 2 hours on the treadmill is going to do the trick. Well, first of all, celery is not rich enough in nutrients to sustain someone alone and people don't say 'mmmm celery' so they break down and go for the burger. Secondly, exercise should be something you enjoy and will be willing to do regularly, not boring and exhausting.

Others want to make more money, fulfill lifelong dreams, find a husband, etc. I can't necessarily give tips on how to achieve those goals, but I can offer some help on how to achieve something this year that will make you feel good all year long. Why not take baby steps and start with something you can take steps daily to achieve and then use that method on the bigger goals. I offer you a challenge. Starting today, make a point to say or do something kind to one person you know, and one stranger. It could be as simple as a smile, or a compliment (as long as it is sincere) or it could be giving someone a hug, or a ride, or spare change. Simple acts of kindness not only make you feel good about yourself, but it also spreads kindness throughout the world. Now some of you may think this is hokey or won't do any good, but you will never know for sure until you try it.

If you commit to consciously being kind to one person you know and one stranger, in small ways, you will find that after a time, you have stuck to a goal. Now you have a blueprint on how to proceed with the bigger goals. One thing, don't let your random acts of kindness give you license to be unkind to someone else. It doesn't balance it out, it cancels it out. Come back and visit this post and tell me about your experiences in the comments section. If you find that you have slipped, offer up a prayer or statement of forgiveness to the Higher Power or universe and start again the next day. Random acts of kindness could lead to world peace, or at the very least, peace in your world.