Move Like a Queen

I was inspired to do this post because whenever I check the stats on my posts, one has always been viewed each week. When I check the overall views for all of my posts, "Think Like a Queen"  (read it here) posted in April of 2012 has received far more views than the rest. This got me thinking, maybe this conversation isn't over yet.

Now I realize that search words led viewers to my blog, and I have no idea if my words had a positive impact on the readers. But the impetus for continuing this conversation is the fact that people are seeking to learn how queens think. I don't claim to be an expert, I am just relaying my experiences, both observed and lived, of what is recognized by others as queenly. 

I believe that a queen can be summed up as having words, thoughts, and actions that have emerged from a sole purpose: love. Nowadays, people have talked about 'showing love,' 'being love,' or 'having love' so much that it has become a concept of "new aged" thinking. But there's nothing new about love. It has been around longer than anything else. The universe has developed harmoniously and with perfection and respect for all life...and that's love. When a person has the intention to be kind, thoughtful, considerate, and respectful to all life, everything he/she does is loving. 

A queen will choose her words wisely and with the intent to strengthen, build up, uplift, guide, sooth, educate or correct. Her words, although they may sometimes chide, will be well meaning and with the purpose of creating harmony. She is careful to not only be kind, but precise in her meaning. She will be gentle but stern when needed, truthful yet positive, and her timing will be impeccable. 

She will be conscious of her emotions and not allow them to dictate her actions. She will, in fact, act purposefully rather than react rashly. Her movements are purposely made to help not hinder. She is cautious not to upset perfect balance, yet bold enough to bring order out of chaos. She knows the power of her femininity and shows restraint with it. The truth of who she is is always evident, yet she saves the mystery of what makes her unique for a select few. 

As trials come in every life, so a queen is not immune. Trials for a queen, however, become a step raising her closer to the heavens. She endures trials with quiet grace and burgeoning faith knowing that each wound, when healed, will leave behind tougher skin. A queen will always find a way to grow from trials and will readily share what she has learned so that others do not have to suffer the same fate.

I've seen some of these qualities in myself, but more so in other women whom I admire. I admit, it is not easy to always think, act, and speak like a queen. But I have always believed that perfection is the act of striving for perfection. Intention is far more powerful than mindless habit. So practice makes perfect. These are just a few of my humble thoughts and observations. More love royal ones.

Love

Some people are very fortunate to find another with whom to share their love, life, time, thoughts, space, and hearts. A small percentage of these people actually recognize the miracle that has occurred. It seems difficult to find others who vibrate on or near the same frequency as ours, but usually, we create those difficulties ourselves.

Others are still searching the far corners of the earth, often with something or someone specific in mind who will fulfill their hearts' desires and make them feel whole. Truth is, there is love all around us all the time, and we were born whole. What is it that keeps us searching for what is right in front of us? I've often thought that the media plays a large part in blinding us from real love. But with further thought, I recognize that these distractions have been around longer than technology. 

If we take a look at fairy tales, poetry, and plays like Shakespeare's, we can see the fantasy of the perfect mate showing up setting off fireworks while riding in on a white horse has been around for ages. There was a time when we chose a mate for his ability to hunt and protect or her ability to bear children and make a home. It seemed that the assumption was that if we took care of each other, that was love. I don't want to generalize and stereotype the different things men and women seem to be looking for in a mate, but I will say that we waste a lot of time in the search.

I've pondered for a long time whether or not everyone is meant to be paired up. After all, not everyone made the journey on the ark. In contemplating a life un-mated, I've learned not only how to love without expecting love in return, but also how to see love in all the different faces I encounter on my journey. To some, this may sound depressing or negative, but I find it freeing...most times.  When one is able to just love, that love grows inside you and happiness blossoms. Those blooms are noticeable and draws people into you.

I can see small acts of love that others take for granted, and I can feel huge waves of love that some try to hide. When you choose to simply love, love reveals itself to you in all its different disguises as though you've won a game of hide and seek. You are never without love, and therefore never have to seek it. For those of you looking for love, it's right in front of you. For those of you who have found love...don't lose it. Love and light.

Uncle

When someone passes away, people say, "I'm sorry for your loss." It is slowly but surely being revealed to me that it is not a loss, rather a gain. Unfortunately for most of us, it is a gain of some things we most surely would have benefited from recognizing and appreciating while our loved one was still here.

My uncle recently passed, and I feel compelled to honor him in some way. Please do not mistake this post for that, as it is not nearly sufficient enough to do him justice. My uncle was a quiet man of clear strength mentally, physically and emotionally. He was not known to use a lot of words, but his actions, the way he lived his life spoke volumes. There was no doubt that he loved his family as he often showed by being there for their every need. I can't imagine that anyone who met him had anything less than respect and love for him. There was a silent sweetness about my uncle that drew ones into him.

My brother and I used to say that my uncle walked softly but carried a big stick. He had the ability to charm with the same quiet strength he used to correct. He was the most significant male figure in my life, and I only now realize that he was the example the Most High gave me of the type of man I should choose as a mate. I missed this, somehow, believing that I had missed out on the father/daughter experience, when all the while, the uncle/niece experience was even more beneficial.

He treated me like a princess; spoiling me with parties and gifts, rewarding me for A's, and being there for every significant event in my life. He wasn't overly demonstrative, or demonstrative at all for that matter, neither was he pejorative. He loved in deed, and one moment of sternness was all that was needed (although I admit, he saved most of that for my brother). I remember that he always came for Sunday dinner and would watch westerns afterwards. I would sit at his feet and color or read, because westerns were boring, but I loved my uncle. Then, one day, "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" came on. At first it was Enio Morricone's soundtrack that drew my attention. But I soon became drawn in by the "Man With No Name" and his ability to strike fear with a single look in a scene that seemed to go on forever with no dialogue. The Good, Clint Eastwood's character, spoke few words, but commanded much respect...my uncle in a nutshell.

When I think about my uncle's life, I realize that while he was here, he was a living example of a good man. He chose a wife who honored and loved him and his family as her own. He easily embraced her family, and he worked hard and made the sacrifices necessary to provide for her and their son. Looking at the man my cousin has become today, it is clear that my uncle's good character, sweetness, and quiet strength has been passed down to another generation. I will strive for these same qualities as well as surround myself with like people, and in that way, honor my beloved uncle.

Love is the Season

Holidays are mixed with so many different emotions and attitudes. Some people seem to feel an extra sense of gratitude, generosity, and family, while others tend to lean towards grumpy, lonely, and bitter. Either way, a day or season shouldn't have such a dramatic effect on your personality. We should always be grateful, generous, and family oriented, and we should never let anything or anyone change our outlook, mood, or countenance.

I speak from experience as I remember the stress of the holiday season especially when it comes to family gathering. But I recognize, this year, that the past only repeats itself if I keep bringing it up in my thoughts and emotions. As soon as I convince myself that I am surrounded by love and peace, that is what I tend to give, and therefore get. It's not easy, but it certainly is worth it.

I am working on letting others' opinions, words, and actions, slip away because I know it is more about what's going on with them than me. I don't make new years resolutions generally, but I am determined to keep love, peace, and positivity as my of life. I will immediately change  my thoughts from negative to positive, I will be kind and pleasant to everyone I encounter, and I will encourage you to do the same. Please check me if I slip.


We shouldn't expect others to be the bigger person when we are just as capable. Don't let someone else set the tone, be the leader, the lover, and set it, even if they start with being mean, selfish, or rude. If you want love or peace, you must come from that place regardless of where the other person comes from. Let everyday be a holiday. Love is the way, love is the day, love is the answer to every question. LOVE and Light.

Blessed Be the Ties that Bind

I had so many things that I wanted to blog about that I had a difficult time deciding which to choose. Once I gave it some thought, I realized that it all came down to connections. We are all connected, true, but we feel certain connections more strongly than we do others. I have a theory about that. Everything is energy and was all once the same energy, coming from the same source. Once this energy dispersed, we began vibrating on slightly different frequencies. Stay with me here. Some of us are on or closer to the same vibrational frequency with each other than we are with others and that's why we gravitate towards each other. This may be a little out there for some of you, but think about how we describe certain connections we have. We "vibe" well with each other. We're on the same "wave length". I like his "energy".  I know the source of this energy to be divine. Whether or not you buy into this theory of mine, there's no denying that some connections are stronger than others. I'm not going to concentrate too much on this theory, rather, what it means and what we do with it.

Family connections are much more than DNA. They are also shared experiences, heritage, culture, traditions, interests, beliefs, and so on. These things bind us to one another. This is why I say your family is who you make it. These are the people you love outwardly, forgive infinitely, help selflessly, and enjoy effortlessly, right? They should be. We should, of course, do these things for one another regardless of our connection, but for those we are bound to, it should be even easier.  What I've seen far too often, however, is quite the opposite. "We hurt the ones we love most" is a phrase I hate. It doesn't even make sense. If you love someone, wouldn't your instinct be to do everything possible NOT to hurt them? You see, here's what's left off of that phrase, "because we take their love and forgiveness for granted." We think that these ties that bind us are impenetrable. But are they?

I've watched many people say 'until death do us part' and then watched them walk away, still alive! I've seen parents sacrifice to raise their children as best they could only to grow old and be deserted by those same children, and that is a relationship bound by DNA! Why do we take these ties for granted? We live in a world that asks so much of us. People want money, degrees, experience, talent. They want you to look this way and act that way, believe this, and feel that. When someone loves you for you, despite you, why would you reject, ignore, or mistreat that person?  When someone wants to spend time with you, wants to know how you are and what you've been up to, it's a sign that they care about you. We spend more time trying to please and impress those who couldn't care less if we are happy or miserable, successful or failures, live or die. Yet, we expect the ties we have made to withstand abuse, and still be bound when we need them.

I don't always honor the ties I have the best I can because I let life and my own needs get in the way. I do value them, however, and if they reach out to me, I will be there as best I can. It saddens me to see people mistreat each other, but it is even more disheartening when I watch love get shined away like a smudge and ties get whittled away to nothing. I've been on the receiving end of that shining far too often so I take care not to do the same. Honor your parents, they gave you life. Honor your siblings, they helped you become who you are. Honor your friendships, love relationships, and other connections, they happened for a reason. Stop treating each other with disdain and disregard. These ties that bind us are so much bigger than any dispute, grudge, or selfish pursuit. We will, all of us be reunited on the same vibration one day, and that will mean complete harmony. These ties are the beginning of that reunion. Blessed be the ties that bind. Love and Light.

What About Love?

People seem to make a really big deal about love, yet they don't seem to make a big enough deal about it. What I mean is, we as humans tend to want to qualify and quantify love. We categorize love as romantic, platonic, and familial. Then we say we love one more than the other. We find reasons to love each other instead of loving for the sake of loving. When someone tells us they love us, depending on the type of relationship we want with that person at that moment, we either run away scared, shine it away like they're crazy, take it for granted, or put so much meaning on it that everything else they say or do from that point on is weighted by it. Then there are the conditions. I love you only if, when, because. I only love these people, but not those. I find people have an easier time loving things, places, and activities than they do other people. But what is love anyway?
This tendency to categorize love as if it comes from a different place depending on our relationship with the beloved is baffling to me. Love is love. Sure there are physical reactions that come with attraction, but all feelings of love come from the same place. The instinct a mother has to nurture and protect her child, the desire to mate, the connection you feel with a friend all emanate from the same place. Love doesn't actually come from the physical heart. The physical heart is just a muscle (albeit a very important one) that pumps blood through the body. The brain tells the heart to do this work. Feelings come from the limbic system in the brain. It's a complex system that governs feelings, emotions, self preservation, and memory to name a few. But there's actually a part of the brain that specifically governs this emotion/feeling. This is why love comes naturally to us as humans. We are hardwired for it. Love is our natural state. But, the brain being the amazing organ that it is, is capable of filtering and mutating this emotion/feeling as a survival mechanism.


We allow past experiences to taint how we love and our definitions of love. Although the words "emotions" and "feelings" are often used interchangeably, there are some differences in their meanings. There have been many philosophical, psychological, and biological theories and debates on this, but I like this explanation : Feelings need external stimuli to occur such as heat or cold, or a sad or frightening event, whereas emotions can occur internally, without external stimuli. An emotion is deeper and can be longer lasting. It can be triggered by a thought, memory, or external sensation, and can often change our physical state. When I read these explanations, it became clear to me; we allow our thoughts, memories, and external stimuli to influence how we experience love. It's interesting how selective we are in that process, however.  We let past hurts and deceptions color our view of love, what it is, should be, or can be. Yet, we fail to allow the good feelings or emotions of the past to influence our view of love. When someone lies to you or betrays you, do you automatically think 'I'll never trust again' or do you take a moment to remember the people in your life who have been faithful and loyal to you?

It's ashamed, really. Think about what it feels like to "be in love." You can't stop smiling. Everything seems wonderful, more colorful, vibrant, fragrant, pleasing. And if you think really hard about it, these feelings come even before the object of your affection expresses his/her love for you. That's because it feels good to love. You may think the good feelings are coming from how sweet he/she is being to you, but it's actually coming from within. It's not the short lived external stimuli causing a feeling, it's you recalling the love that you have experienced in the past as an emotion that may cause you to cry at sentimental commercials, or your heart to beat faster. It's you remembering your natural state. What's strange is, even though you may love the person before you know if they love you, you somehow stop if you become certain that they don't.

Love is so expansive an emotion, it should show up everywhere. If you love curry chicken, why can't you love the man who held the door open for you? Sure, curry chicken may taste good, but that door wasn't going to open itself. I joke, but every smile, good deed, hug, thoughtful act, every kindness, is an expression of love. If we take a moment to see these things that way, maybe we would be compelled to oblige, to return the love. Lately, I've decided to see everyone I met as someone I loved. I consciously told myself 'I love this person'. I found strangers were drawn to me and I think it's because they felt the love I was sending them. To love and to be loved is the greatest thing one can do or have done to them. If someone expresses love for you, you should feel honored and grateful. It is not natural for us to avoid, run away from, or limit love. It should be so natural and commonplace for us to love and express love, that the ideas of reacting negatively to it, putting conditions on it, or ending it should be foreign to us.

Nelson Mandela said, "No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite. " We are, after,connected; one energy taking different forms. If you love yourself, and I hope that you do, then you should easily be able to love me, or anyone else. LOVE and Light.

Looking for love

In the past week I have read and participated in a few discussions about relationships. It's funny how men and women think they have different point of views on the subject, but it all boils down to the same thing, relationships are hard and finding someone you want to be in a relationship with is even harder. Men and women are both looking for the same thing, to be loved unconditionally. That is, of course, a tall order since many people can barely do that with their relatives. Most of us also don't really know what that means. That can be witnessed by simply asking a man or a woman what he or she is looking for in a mate. Height, job, looks, beliefs, etc. all equal conditions.

Now I am by no means an expert on love or relationships, but what I am becoming an expert on is me. I have found that this is the first step to finding a loving fulfilling relationship, knowing thyself. Two of the questions I've heard lately are "where is the best place to meet a good man," and "what can a woman offer me besides sex." The answer to the first question is, anywhere. Good men can be found anywhere, on the Internet (with careful scrutiny), at a club (again, careful), at the mall, the grocery store, some say church.  A better question is, what is your definition of a good man?  I've heard some women say that a good man is one with a good job, who is God fearing, intelligent, funny, loves children, is willing to pamper a woman, is well endowed, and a good lover. Contrary to popular belief, a "good man" is not synonymous with a perfect man. Even if a man has all of these qualities, that doesn't mean he won't have his faults. Perhaps women should make a list of which faults she can tolerate in a man. Maybe then a man's good points will shine brighter for her.  I personally think that a good man is kind, considerate, respectful to all life, forgiving and thoughtful. He realizes his strength comes from within and is not afraid to show affection to his loved ones. He respects his mother, sister, daughter, and every woman he comes in contact with. He is slow to anger and quick to reason. He gives, not expecting anything in return, but because it is the right thing to do. That's not the definition of a good man, actually, that's the definition of a good person. It is not only what we should look for in a mate, but what we should look to be ourselves.

When a man asks a question like, "what can a woman offer me besides sex?" he has automatically reduced her to a sex object and so why expect more? The real question should be, "what can I offer a woman besides sex?"  This isn't a question about your net worth, though some women would argue that it is. If you go bankrupt, what will keep us together? Are you the definition of a "good man"? One should not expect to get from anyone anything more or less than what he or she gives. In fact, one should not expect at all. I had a tough time with this concept myself. But I realized that if I have been careful in choosing a man who is compatible with me in ways that enhance my life spiritually, mentally, and emotionally, I don't need to expect anything because it will already be there. All I have to do is enjoy.

The key here, I think, is looking within. I have learned that all problems in my life, just like all joys, begin from inside of me. Either my choices, attitude, behavior, or thoughts have affected my physical reality. Yeah, it's not as deep as it sounds. It's quite simple actually. If I look back on past relationships, I can see what I did ineffectively (I don't say wrong because with a different person it might have been right), what signs that the relationship wouldn't work that I ignored, or what I lacked to make the relationship succeed. Of course, love is a two way street, and the other person played his part too, but I can only control what I do, how I think. I think it is necessary to be the best that we can be in order to find the best person for us. There's good men and women all around us, but we place value on superficial qualities instead of what really counts. It's time we re-define "good man" and "good woman" and then hold the mirror up to see if we qualify ourselves.