What About Love?

People seem to make a really big deal about love, yet they don't seem to make a big enough deal about it. What I mean is, we as humans tend to want to qualify and quantify love. We categorize love as romantic, platonic, and familial. Then we say we love one more than the other. We find reasons to love each other instead of loving for the sake of loving. When someone tells us they love us, depending on the type of relationship we want with that person at that moment, we either run away scared, shine it away like they're crazy, take it for granted, or put so much meaning on it that everything else they say or do from that point on is weighted by it. Then there are the conditions. I love you only if, when, because. I only love these people, but not those. I find people have an easier time loving things, places, and activities than they do other people. But what is love anyway?
This tendency to categorize love as if it comes from a different place depending on our relationship with the beloved is baffling to me. Love is love. Sure there are physical reactions that come with attraction, but all feelings of love come from the same place. The instinct a mother has to nurture and protect her child, the desire to mate, the connection you feel with a friend all emanate from the same place. Love doesn't actually come from the physical heart. The physical heart is just a muscle (albeit a very important one) that pumps blood through the body. The brain tells the heart to do this work. Feelings come from the limbic system in the brain. It's a complex system that governs feelings, emotions, self preservation, and memory to name a few. But there's actually a part of the brain that specifically governs this emotion/feeling. This is why love comes naturally to us as humans. We are hardwired for it. Love is our natural state. But, the brain being the amazing organ that it is, is capable of filtering and mutating this emotion/feeling as a survival mechanism.


We allow past experiences to taint how we love and our definitions of love. Although the words "emotions" and "feelings" are often used interchangeably, there are some differences in their meanings. There have been many philosophical, psychological, and biological theories and debates on this, but I like this explanation : Feelings need external stimuli to occur such as heat or cold, or a sad or frightening event, whereas emotions can occur internally, without external stimuli. An emotion is deeper and can be longer lasting. It can be triggered by a thought, memory, or external sensation, and can often change our physical state. When I read these explanations, it became clear to me; we allow our thoughts, memories, and external stimuli to influence how we experience love. It's interesting how selective we are in that process, however.  We let past hurts and deceptions color our view of love, what it is, should be, or can be. Yet, we fail to allow the good feelings or emotions of the past to influence our view of love. When someone lies to you or betrays you, do you automatically think 'I'll never trust again' or do you take a moment to remember the people in your life who have been faithful and loyal to you?

It's ashamed, really. Think about what it feels like to "be in love." You can't stop smiling. Everything seems wonderful, more colorful, vibrant, fragrant, pleasing. And if you think really hard about it, these feelings come even before the object of your affection expresses his/her love for you. That's because it feels good to love. You may think the good feelings are coming from how sweet he/she is being to you, but it's actually coming from within. It's not the short lived external stimuli causing a feeling, it's you recalling the love that you have experienced in the past as an emotion that may cause you to cry at sentimental commercials, or your heart to beat faster. It's you remembering your natural state. What's strange is, even though you may love the person before you know if they love you, you somehow stop if you become certain that they don't.

Love is so expansive an emotion, it should show up everywhere. If you love curry chicken, why can't you love the man who held the door open for you? Sure, curry chicken may taste good, but that door wasn't going to open itself. I joke, but every smile, good deed, hug, thoughtful act, every kindness, is an expression of love. If we take a moment to see these things that way, maybe we would be compelled to oblige, to return the love. Lately, I've decided to see everyone I met as someone I loved. I consciously told myself 'I love this person'. I found strangers were drawn to me and I think it's because they felt the love I was sending them. To love and to be loved is the greatest thing one can do or have done to them. If someone expresses love for you, you should feel honored and grateful. It is not natural for us to avoid, run away from, or limit love. It should be so natural and commonplace for us to love and express love, that the ideas of reacting negatively to it, putting conditions on it, or ending it should be foreign to us.

Nelson Mandela said, "No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite. " We are, after,connected; one energy taking different forms. If you love yourself, and I hope that you do, then you should easily be able to love me, or anyone else. LOVE and Light.