Lessons unlearned have a way of repeating themselves until you learn them. It's the universe's nice little self-paced course in navigating life. One lesson I am finally beginning to learn is that others' opinion of me is of no consequence to the forwarding of my progress. Don't get me wrong, it is beneficial to have a good name, but that is achieved by good deeds. What others say or think about you is, however, subjective and therefore unreliable.
No matter how hard I have tried in the past to please others and be seen as good, honest, loving, and sincere, I have often missed the mark. My tendency is to work harder on myself believing this phenomena must be my fault. But I am realizing that the harder I try, the more people expect from me. It's as though good isn't great and therefore good seems bad. So the trick is to push forward knowing who I am and what I am capable of regardless of the criticism or the accolades.
Yes, praise is also unreliable. There may be an agenda behind them, strings attached, or momentary euphoria that will dissipate. Allow the good feeling that comes with compliments to strengthen your resolve, but do not rely on them as an accurate assessment of how one feels about you. Acknowledge your strengths and build upon them.
Criticism can break your stride, your heart, and your spirit...if you allow it to do so. Often criticism, even "constructive" criticism is based on someone else's ideals, past hurts, lack of full knowledge of you, jealousy, or an inaccurate assessment of the situation. Intention is often ignored and the whole of a person and their deeds overlooked. How often have the fifty "good" things you have said or done been erased by the one "bad" thing you say or do? I put good and bad in quotes because those definitions are subject to interpretation in any given circumstance.
So personally, the key to living freely is not giving weight to either praise or reproof. Know thyself, who you truly are at the core, your intentions, your thoughts,your capabilities, and your worth. This is not to say that one should not reflect on his/her own behavior. We should constantly turn the mirror on ourselves...especially in regards to how we view others. Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. With regards to praise and criticism, it is sometimes not what we say but how we say it. Since what we see is a reflection of who we are, perhaps the phrasing "what you said/did made me feel ____" is an appropriate expression to use. True freedom comes from within, not from others.
No matter how hard I have tried in the past to please others and be seen as good, honest, loving, and sincere, I have often missed the mark. My tendency is to work harder on myself believing this phenomena must be my fault. But I am realizing that the harder I try, the more people expect from me. It's as though good isn't great and therefore good seems bad. So the trick is to push forward knowing who I am and what I am capable of regardless of the criticism or the accolades.
Yes, praise is also unreliable. There may be an agenda behind them, strings attached, or momentary euphoria that will dissipate. Allow the good feeling that comes with compliments to strengthen your resolve, but do not rely on them as an accurate assessment of how one feels about you. Acknowledge your strengths and build upon them.
Criticism can break your stride, your heart, and your spirit...if you allow it to do so. Often criticism, even "constructive" criticism is based on someone else's ideals, past hurts, lack of full knowledge of you, jealousy, or an inaccurate assessment of the situation. Intention is often ignored and the whole of a person and their deeds overlooked. How often have the fifty "good" things you have said or done been erased by the one "bad" thing you say or do? I put good and bad in quotes because those definitions are subject to interpretation in any given circumstance.
So personally, the key to living freely is not giving weight to either praise or reproof. Know thyself, who you truly are at the core, your intentions, your thoughts,your capabilities, and your worth. This is not to say that one should not reflect on his/her own behavior. We should constantly turn the mirror on ourselves...especially in regards to how we view others. Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. With regards to praise and criticism, it is sometimes not what we say but how we say it. Since what we see is a reflection of who we are, perhaps the phrasing "what you said/did made me feel ____" is an appropriate expression to use. True freedom comes from within, not from others.
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