This year began and ended with loss for me. I've been meditating on this loss for the past ten days trying to find a lesson, a nugget of wisdom, or some big picture perspective. Sitting next to the heater trying to warm my body, my heart was the first to melt and my "aha" moment came. I have not experienced loss, but an opportunity to acknowledge my gain.
Two very special people in my life have transitioned this year and I was devastated. When people pass, we often reflect on their lives and our time with them. It is in this reflection that I remember my blessings. The love, lessons, laughter, and memories that we shared have played a huge part in making me who I am today. I am thankful for that time and it will remain with me always.
What I have lost is regret for loving those who were unable to return that love. Each of them has brought something special to my life by being people who were lovable. Having regret for loving them puts conditions on love and turns it into something else...fear. We fear not being loved or not being able to love because a person is simply being who they are. We want to change them or give them rules for being part of our lives which really illuminates the fact that we don't actually love them we love who we wish they were.
I have also lost the desire to stifle myself or my love simply because it makes others uncomfortable. Life is but a breath and we waste each breath we take when we try to be who others want or think we should be. We waste precious time when we dislike or disrespect ourselves because we do not look, act, think, or speak how others say is best. Likewise, I have no desire to put those judgments on others. What is best for me may not be best for you, and vice versa. I love openly and sometimes recklessly because love is unchained, immeasurable and free. Because of the way I love, I know my loved ones know I love them.
I no longer need to hold on to people who don't appreciate or want me in their lives because none of us needs to suffer. Keeping such people in my life is abusive to me and to them. I will free us both from punishment for whatever we subconsciously feel we need to be punished.
Two very special people in my life have transitioned this year and I was devastated. When people pass, we often reflect on their lives and our time with them. It is in this reflection that I remember my blessings. The love, lessons, laughter, and memories that we shared have played a huge part in making me who I am today. I am thankful for that time and it will remain with me always.
What I have lost is regret for loving those who were unable to return that love. Each of them has brought something special to my life by being people who were lovable. Having regret for loving them puts conditions on love and turns it into something else...fear. We fear not being loved or not being able to love because a person is simply being who they are. We want to change them or give them rules for being part of our lives which really illuminates the fact that we don't actually love them we love who we wish they were.
I have also lost the desire to stifle myself or my love simply because it makes others uncomfortable. Life is but a breath and we waste each breath we take when we try to be who others want or think we should be. We waste precious time when we dislike or disrespect ourselves because we do not look, act, think, or speak how others say is best. Likewise, I have no desire to put those judgments on others. What is best for me may not be best for you, and vice versa. I love openly and sometimes recklessly because love is unchained, immeasurable and free. Because of the way I love, I know my loved ones know I love them.
I no longer need to hold on to people who don't appreciate or want me in their lives because none of us needs to suffer. Keeping such people in my life is abusive to me and to them. I will free us both from punishment for whatever we subconsciously feel we need to be punished.
Finally, I have lost my forgetfulness of the blessings I have in my life. There are many and they should get my focus, because although certain loved ones have moved forward and are no longer physically here, they have remained in my mind, spirit and heart. So my meditation is no longer on loss, but on what I have gained from these beautiful souls. More love, more life.
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