I Am That I Am

One of the things I've learned recently while looking for a new job, is that more often than not, we are judged as either being too much or not enough. I applied to literally hundreds of jobs, and I was either over qualified or under qualified, and sometimes I was just qualified enough, but not what they were looking for...or as they like to put it "decided to go another way."  One's self esteem can take a beating and she can begin to see this pattern in every aspect of her life, putting the notion in her head that she should simply settle for less.

I've come to understand that it all comes down to perception, expectation, and desire.  Our perception of ourselves often does not match how others perceive us. Deepak Chopra says "Physical reality is a perceptual experience in a given consciousness through a particular brain. The brain is influenced by culture, history, religion, belief, so every brain creates different perceptual realities." So reality is different for each person. Based on our experience, culture, religion, etc., we tend to have certain expectations for different situations. Then there is desire. It seems that desire is almost impossible to fulfill in any aspect, be it job requirements, friendship, material possession, or love. Within the teachings of Buddhism, craving is thought to be the cause of all suffering.

Sometimes I get caught up in the idea of being everything for everyone, but the fact is, I can only be who I am at any given time in any given situation. Whether I am too much or too little, is up to others' perceptions, expectations, and desires. I can almost wrap my brain around this and live with it...if it wasn't for judgement. It seems with all of the different realities, demands, and cravings, often comes judgement on those who just don't quite make the cut. And yes, I am aware that my perception of this reality causes me to expect and want a different reaction...which is leading me to judge. So, is there a way around this?

Without getting too deep...because I'm not sure I can go that deep on this subject...I'm inclined to believe that all of these things come from the ego.  The ego is always wanting and never satisfied. So, it seems to me, the best thing to do is to take the ego out of the equation as best we can. I know, easier said than done. But if we live in the  moment and just experience others and what they have to offer, just for the sake of experiencing, might we be able to suspend craving, thereby ending our suffering? I'm not sure, but this is something I am working on. The experience of being rejected when I know I would be great at the job, or relationship, has caused me to consider what I may miss out on because of my own perceptions, expectations, and desires.  Each person is unique, and I have always been drawn to that which is most unique, whether it is ideas, people, or even fashion...perhaps because I often feel so different from everyone else.  This is why I am going to put every effort into not judging people or experiences and seeing what life has to offer. I hope you will too. Love and light.