Beloved readers, this post is much more personal than my usual posts. I am finally finding the courage to share something that I've been going through in the hopes that it will help someone else. I always try to write the pain out, but in this blog, I tend to hold back. I always try to be positive and/or solution oriented here, but I have struggled to do both or either, so I redacted a great deal. People expect me to be positive and so I try to acquiesce. But now that I am on the tail end of this trying time, I have a bit more perspective.
We need to be gentle with each other. We need to be mindful of each other's lives. Robin Williams showed us that even a person who can make so many others' lives happier need the same in return. Lastly, hug each other. It's been proven that hugs can change your biology and your psychology.Give good, strong hugs that convey love and care. I am grateful to be on my way out of this dark time. I ask forgiveness from those who may not have gotten my best. I ask for patience from you as I climb back into the seat of happiness and reflect the light. I send love and strength to those of you still in pit of it. I'm here for you.
For the past nine months I have been going through a severe depression. It began with a loss of a close loved one and spiraled from there. I now realize that a great deal of that came from a severe vitamin D deficiency (being vegan puts me at an even greater risk-check your levels fellow vegans!) That may explain why I couldn't really verbalize exactly why I was so sad. I did, by the way, tell a few friends that I was depressed, but that's when I realized that most people don't know how to help a person in this situation.
Yes, I thought of seeking professional help, and still may, but I've always believed that loved ones could easily do what psychologists get paid to do. I also did not want someone giving me a "magic pill" to mask the issue, not to mention that seeing a therapist of any sort is taboo in the African American culture. I knew I wasn't suicidal, so I figured I'd power through it. It's interesting, when one is depressed but not suicidal, people seem to expect you to just choose to be happy.
Anyone who knows me knows that I have various different tools to reconnect with my joy or to get through trials. I employed them all and even found new ones. I could usually get a few hours of reprieve from the sadness, but it would return. Even music became a temporary fix. I am a gregarious person. Even though I can be shy in some social situations, I'd much rather be in the company of others during these times than alone. Even if I'm just observing, I am able to soak up positive and happy vibes and feel better. It works the other way too, of course. If I am around negative energy of any sort, those emotions attach themselves to me.
After Robin Williams committed suicide, I was struck with such a fear for those out there who were going through what I, and apparently Robin Williams, had been going through and were struggling to find a stronghold. At that time, however, I did not have the strength or the answers to give in order to help. I'm still not sure I have the answers for those struggling. I do have advice for those of you who may have loved ones who are suffering:
1. Check on people regularly and delve deeper into answers like I'm "fine," "ok," "alright," and even "good." Ask them specific questions about what's going on with them. "Good" just may mean better than yesterday which was horrible. Or, maybe they are just trying not to be a "downer."
2. Take the time to spend some time. Even if the person chooses not to speak about what's bothering them (they may not always have an answer) time spent in the company of others remembering the simple joys of life can take them away, if only for a short time, from their depression.
3. Be kind to everyone. I'm sure you've seen many memes that talk about how you never know what a person is going through, and it's true. Everyone we encounter has things going on in their lives we know nothing about. If we are mindful to be kind and gentle with one another, we may make some one's day a little easier to get through.
4. DO NOT CHASTISE THEM FOR FEELING SAD-You may not even think of yourself as chastising when you tell them that they should try being grateful for what they have. I've learned from experience that you can be grateful for all the things and people in your life and still not be able to shake the sadness. You can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. You can want and try to be happy but still feel sadness sitting in the pit of your stomach like a lump of coal.
5. Don't wash over their feelings like they are just having a bad day. A bad day for you may be things not going well at work. Sometimes a "bad day" from a depressed person is not being able to smile through the pain that has been going on for months.
6. Don't call them selfish. Yes, they are thinking only of themselves, but when you are in this state, selfishness becomes a biological imperative.For those of you who may be struggling with depression, I implore you to reach out to someone, anyone, even a stranger, and express your sadness. Sometimes being able to just get it out in the open makes you feel lighter. Find your tools, things that bring you joy, and use them often...even if they are only temporary fixes. It's good to be able to remember how to be happy and that you can be happy.
We need to be gentle with each other. We need to be mindful of each other's lives. Robin Williams showed us that even a person who can make so many others' lives happier need the same in return. Lastly, hug each other. It's been proven that hugs can change your biology and your psychology.Give good, strong hugs that convey love and care. I am grateful to be on my way out of this dark time. I ask forgiveness from those who may not have gotten my best. I ask for patience from you as I climb back into the seat of happiness and reflect the light. I send love and strength to those of you still in pit of it. I'm here for you.
