2014 Wrap Up: Lessons

This time of year I always reflect on the preceding months and mostly give thanks that I'm still here, but also take note of the lessons I've learned. It's always good to take inventory of your lessons and store them in a place in your brain where you can easily access them...lest you forget.

I spent the greater part of 2014 in a deep depression, It has been a strange roller coaster ride that began in a deep pit at the end of 2013 with a slow climb throughout 2014. I was hurt, grieving, heartbroken, financially weakened, taken for granted, and lonely. I lost friendships, became very ill,saw one of my idols pass,witnessed great tragedies world wide, and saw the beginning of a great movement (or two).

Despite all of this, I've learned great lessons and I am on the upside of this climb.One of the most important things I learned was that I do not want to waste anymore time or energy on things or people that do not uplift me either mentally, spiritually or emotionally. The phrase "Thinking of yourself is not selfish, not thinking of others is" kept popping up on social media. It reminds me of an analogy from air travel that I always use. Life is like the flight attendant says, 'put your mask on first before helping others.' How can you help someone else in need if your own safety is in jeopardy?

The real lesson, well, more like a revelation, came to me after I began a new job. Out of the blue, I suddenly learned acceptance. I had been struggling with life like someone trying to walk against a strong wind. I kept pushing against it trying to force my way down a path that clearly wasn't meant for me. I've struggled to "fit in," be heard as someone with something worth hearing or seen as someone who is beautiful and worth knowing. I've struggled with acquiring a life that I was told I should have and thought I wanted, and maybe I do want but I certainly can live happily another way. But it was as if the hand of God or the universe stopped me in my tracks, turned me around and told me to go with the wind.

We grow up hearing that we need to do this, then that, then find this to live happily ever after. We're fed fairy tales to illustrate how life is supposed to go (and it never does) and we buy into it, But maybe we don't all fill our cups with the same stuff, i.e., great wealth, a beautiful spouse and lovely children. Maybe some of us fill our cups with adventures to exciting places, friends from varying backgrounds, or brief but extraordinary love affairs. Perhaps our cups are meant to be filled with a substance made especially for us.

So, I've stopped pushing against the wind. I no longer strive to get people to love me or even like me. I can fully be who I am because who I am is good enough...or even better! I have opened my eyes to see all of those people who do see and hear me and love what they see and hear. I admit at first I thought it was apathy, which I did not want. Then I realized that it wasn't that I didn't care, I was just ok with what other people are able to give.  People don't always intentionally withhold kindness, attention, or love. Sometimes they are just giving the best they have at that time. I can't ask for more than that.

I'm grateful for this epiphany because it means that I don't have to change who I am and give less love, in order to protect myself from harm. By accepting people (myself included) and situations that I can't change, as they are, I can let go of expectations and the desire for more from them. More can be gotten in many places to fill my cup...and I intend to fill it. May your cup runneth over in 2015.

Tell the Children the Truth

I've waited to make this post, waited until I had something thoughtful and/or compelling to say about the events and the reactions to them that are occurring in the U.S. I am, of course referring to the two grand jury decisions to not indict the murderers of Michael Brown and Eric Garner. I still haven't formulated the perfect thought, mostly because my brain is in a haze and my emotions are swirling like a funnel cloud.I've read many articles that better articulate what I would like to say, but there are some points that haven't been mentioned. 

I work around black children, men and women in an educational situation daily. I see young black boys dutifully doing their homework with hopes of a promising future, loving parents checking in on their behavior when they pick them up, and intelligent caring men organizing activities that will shape young minds. What I don't see or rather hear is a discussion about racism in America, police violence or the protests that have followed.

Any educational institution that is not ensuring that its students are informed, having thoughtful conversations, or at the very least have a safe, positive forum in which to express themselves is doing the students, this country, and our future a huge disservice. Anyone who cannot see that this country is at a crossroads, a critical juncture not seen in this country since the civil rights era, is seriously deluded or has his/her head in the sand.

We are in the midst of another big civil rights movement. Civil rights movements are occurring all of the time, but this one is on a grander scale, like the one that happened in the 50's and 60's. The difference this time is that Americans of all races are deeply entrenched in the fight, and they have support from all over the world. This is no longer a black issue, it is a human rights issue.

Young people, hopefully, have much more of the future in front of them and should therefore have their eyes open as they witness this shift. They should have a say and be informed enough to express themselves. Humans never want to upset children with the truth. They've invented Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, the tooth fairy and a slew of Disney characters in order to delay reality for as long as possible. Perhaps we should stop looking at reality as a negative. 

Telling the children the truth about what's going on in America right now is an opportunity to teach compassion, foster empathy, and enable them to begin to think critically. It will also, of course, prepare them.  The thought that stays in the forefront of my mind is that too many people are unable to put themselves in another's shoes and imagine their pain. This,in turn, inhibits compassion. What will become of this world without compassion? The only thing I can see happening is a complete disregard for life...hmmm, seems like we're there.

Bring the children in on this conversation because this is happening to them too. This is their past, present, and future. I'm telling you I have talked to some thoughtful youth who could teach us all a great deal. Tell the children the truth.