I believe that at some point in every one's life, we reach an age where we are ready to receive (or remember) some vital knowledge about how to best maneuver through life. That age is different for everyone depending on his/her experiences, knowledge and willingness to receive said knowledge. Willingness is important because often times we might have to do things differently and think differently, which can be a challenge. Some people never open themselves up to receive this "awakening" because change can be difficult. But I believe we all reach that door.
For the last few months, I've been receiving this transmission. It's funny because for the last five years I thought I was already receiving and figuring things out. But apparently, that was just prep time. I was merely connecting the receiver. I'm sure that I'm receiving now because of the contentment that has washed over me even when things that used to send me spiraling into anger, fear or sadness occur. I feel more grounded.
What the heck am I talking about, right? Well, since January, I've been focusing on me; not in a selfish way, but in a calculated purpose driven way. You see, I'm a giver, a people pleaser, a mediator. In the past, being these things meant putting my own needs and desires on the back burner. It also meant feeling sorry for myself, blaming others for my lack, unhappiness, and feelings, both good and bad. Now that I am focusing on myself, I have a different perspective about everything.
It began with my determination to bring more stability to my life both financially and emotionally. At work, I stopped relying on only what came naturally to obtain moderate success and decided to push myself to do things I subconsciously feared I couldn't do to achieve maximum success. I'm not just speaking of financial success (although that is included) but also doing the work that I now accept as my talent in a way that has maximum benefit for those I serve. I know that if I show enough belief in myself and ideas, others will have belief in me too.
This required digging deep and figuring out why I dismiss great ideas and try not to over extend myself. There was only one answer: FEAR. In my personal life, I have had no problem over extending myself or putting my ideas out there for all to judge. But I was often met with rejection, disappointment, and regret (I hate that word). I began to understand that it wasn't any one's fault but my own that I allowed others opinions and actions to dictate how I proceed with my life.
Just because someone may think that I am unworthy, for whatever reasons, doesn't mean that I am. Believing them is blaming them for my fear and takes the focus off of the part I play in my own life. I would get upset because people didn't see the me that I know that I am. But they didn't see me because I didn't let them. Now, some of those people have a view of me that is not me at all. There are people, however, who when I meet them see something special in me, and they show me to myself. Sometimes the people who "know" you the longest or "know" a lot of things about you, don't really know you at all.
I accepted these views of me and stopped dead in my tracks thinking I needed to "fix" myself. The truth is, I blamed others for making me feel that I couldn't do or be who I already am. By focusing on myself, I take criticism as feedback, and if I find it to be false, I mentally feed it back to where it came from. I finally see that people have their own stuff going on and some of it can spill on me during daily interactions. It's not their fault for not seeing it, but it's not mine either...anymore.
I've essentially turned the mirror inward to see myself more clearly and to reflect my inner light back on myself as a reminder of who I really am. I push myself past my comfort zone, I let go of old habits and desires, and I take each moment as it comes. Now I'm not all "life is a bowl of cherries" positive all of the time. I accept my negative feelings when they happen. But I live in the "moment" and a moment is a very short time. I have read that a moment is roughly 90 seconds, so I try not to dwell in those negative feelings too much past that amount of time. I am content with my life as it is because I know I am now doing my very best and what it yields is what it yields.
I am hopeful without being unrealistic, yet I have not lost my altruism (a trait of mine that many have called naivete). I am introspective in a more constructive way. Instead of focusing on what I did wrong, I focus on what I can do better next time. I am forgiving in a more useful way. Instead of thinking the person had a bad moment, I understand that there are issues that person has to work out and the offense may occur again until they do. I just have to decide if I want to deal with it again.
When all is said and done, I guess this point in my life where I am receiving these insights means I am maturing again. I think we mature in stages rather that all at once. Wisdom comes with readiness rather than age. I liken it to a pitcher in baseball. He has a number of pitches in his arsenal, but he doesn't bring his best pitch until the time is right.
For the last few months, I've been receiving this transmission. It's funny because for the last five years I thought I was already receiving and figuring things out. But apparently, that was just prep time. I was merely connecting the receiver. I'm sure that I'm receiving now because of the contentment that has washed over me even when things that used to send me spiraling into anger, fear or sadness occur. I feel more grounded.
What the heck am I talking about, right? Well, since January, I've been focusing on me; not in a selfish way, but in a calculated purpose driven way. You see, I'm a giver, a people pleaser, a mediator. In the past, being these things meant putting my own needs and desires on the back burner. It also meant feeling sorry for myself, blaming others for my lack, unhappiness, and feelings, both good and bad. Now that I am focusing on myself, I have a different perspective about everything.
It began with my determination to bring more stability to my life both financially and emotionally. At work, I stopped relying on only what came naturally to obtain moderate success and decided to push myself to do things I subconsciously feared I couldn't do to achieve maximum success. I'm not just speaking of financial success (although that is included) but also doing the work that I now accept as my talent in a way that has maximum benefit for those I serve. I know that if I show enough belief in myself and ideas, others will have belief in me too.
This required digging deep and figuring out why I dismiss great ideas and try not to over extend myself. There was only one answer: FEAR. In my personal life, I have had no problem over extending myself or putting my ideas out there for all to judge. But I was often met with rejection, disappointment, and regret (I hate that word). I began to understand that it wasn't any one's fault but my own that I allowed others opinions and actions to dictate how I proceed with my life.
Just because someone may think that I am unworthy, for whatever reasons, doesn't mean that I am. Believing them is blaming them for my fear and takes the focus off of the part I play in my own life. I would get upset because people didn't see the me that I know that I am. But they didn't see me because I didn't let them. Now, some of those people have a view of me that is not me at all. There are people, however, who when I meet them see something special in me, and they show me to myself. Sometimes the people who "know" you the longest or "know" a lot of things about you, don't really know you at all.
I accepted these views of me and stopped dead in my tracks thinking I needed to "fix" myself. The truth is, I blamed others for making me feel that I couldn't do or be who I already am. By focusing on myself, I take criticism as feedback, and if I find it to be false, I mentally feed it back to where it came from. I finally see that people have their own stuff going on and some of it can spill on me during daily interactions. It's not their fault for not seeing it, but it's not mine either...anymore.
I've essentially turned the mirror inward to see myself more clearly and to reflect my inner light back on myself as a reminder of who I really am. I push myself past my comfort zone, I let go of old habits and desires, and I take each moment as it comes. Now I'm not all "life is a bowl of cherries" positive all of the time. I accept my negative feelings when they happen. But I live in the "moment" and a moment is a very short time. I have read that a moment is roughly 90 seconds, so I try not to dwell in those negative feelings too much past that amount of time. I am content with my life as it is because I know I am now doing my very best and what it yields is what it yields.
I am hopeful without being unrealistic, yet I have not lost my altruism (a trait of mine that many have called naivete). I am introspective in a more constructive way. Instead of focusing on what I did wrong, I focus on what I can do better next time. I am forgiving in a more useful way. Instead of thinking the person had a bad moment, I understand that there are issues that person has to work out and the offense may occur again until they do. I just have to decide if I want to deal with it again.
When all is said and done, I guess this point in my life where I am receiving these insights means I am maturing again. I think we mature in stages rather that all at once. Wisdom comes with readiness rather than age. I liken it to a pitcher in baseball. He has a number of pitches in his arsenal, but he doesn't bring his best pitch until the time is right.
No comments:
Post a Comment