Change is Inevitable, Adapting is Imperative

I've become diligent about looking for and taking note of recurring themes around me. I find the universe to be very direct about the lessons it's trying to teach me. I used to think the lessons were for others until I began to see how these themes were present in my own life. Today's recurring theme: rigidity.

Rigidity is defined in the dictionary as:  

1.

stiff or unyielding; not pliant or flexible; hard: a rigid strip of metal.

2.

firmly fixed or set.

3.

inflexible, strict, or severe: a rigid disciplinarian; rigid rules of social behavior.

4.

exacting; thorough; rigorous: a rigid examination.

5.

so as to meet precise standards; stringent: lenses ground to rigid specifications.

In psychiatry and clinical psychology, it is an aspect of personality characterized by a person's resistance to change. This is the rigidity that I want to talk about. It is pervasive in society today, yet it goes against basic human instinct.

Charles Darwin said, “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” We have seen this in biological evolutionary sense with the development of "races." As humans migrated  traveling across ice bridges, they have adapted to their environments as they spread across the world. For example, melanin in the skin acts as a shield against ultraviolet light, however if it completely blocked ultraviolet light, vitamin D would not be generated in the body. In tropical areas, the sun is very strong and people have more melanin, in cooler areas the sun is less strong and people have less melanin so sufficient vitamin D is generated.

Adapting to change, then, is not only human nature, but a biological and psychological imperative. Yet, we remain rigid in our thinking, beliefs, outlooks despite our environment and circumstances screaming for adaptation. Fear, of course, is the cause of such rigidity. We fear the unknown, we fear dissatisfaction, judgement, imbalance, disharmony, and unhappiness. But if we take a look around at what the status quo has brought us, we'll notice we're already in the midst of those things.

On a personal level, I've realized that striving for the life I imagined as the possibilities move further and further away, I am being rigid in the way I define happiness. Sometimes our purposes on this planet are not reflected in our desires. But I'm recognizing that purpose is more determined than desire. Our reasons for being here are always revealed in the choices we make whether conscious or unconscious. We must pay attention to the environments we find ourselves in, whether it be relationships, jobs, or actual physical environments. Then we must ask ourselves, 'how can I adapt my way of thinking, behaving, and seeing to best serve myself and others in this current environment?'

When we are unable to see things and people in a different light because we know what we know, like what we like and want what we want, we are unable to learn new things and develop broader tastes. We become static and cease to grow and adapt to the changing world around us. Life keeps moving and change keeps happening. We can have, do, be everything our hearts desire. Sometimes, however, what our hearts desire can no longer serve us in our changing environments. For instance, if a woman has always desired children but has yet to have them, there will come a time when her body changes her circumstances and creates the need to adapt...or adopt as the case may be. 

Rigid thinking has rarely led to discoveries, breakthroughs, miracles, or reconciliations. We must only be rigid in our discipline towards growth. Our physical, mental, and spiritual survival depend on our abilities to adapt to changes that will occur. As Chinese philosopher Xin Zi said, "The rigid cause themselves to be broken; the pliable cause themselves to be bound."  

Listen

I rarely get too personal in this blog, but last night I had a dream that I know is about more than just me as I have seen and heard it happening all around me. So, I am going to share the relevant parts of this dream in hopes of reaching ones who need it...which I believe is everyone.

I dreamed I was a little girl, maybe nine, at a school which seemed to go up to high school. I was very excited about everything that happened there; p.e. class, recess, and especially a talent show. Everything and everyone seemed to blow past me in a noisy frenzy. No one talked to me except for one teacher who took the time to answer every question, yet was always pulled away prematurely to deal with other children.

I asked the teacher if I could be the stage manager for the talent show (apparently in my dream, I remembered I was a drama major in waking life) but he said I was too small, but that I should audition for the show. I was not at all dejected, but I could hardly think of what talent I could share. Then, I decided I would recite a poem I wrote called "A Wondrous World." (No, I haven't written such a poem in waking life...yet)

When I arrived at the audition, chaos overwhelmed the auditorium while a young girl was trying to sing her song. My teacher was busy trying to show a young man how to work the lighting board while students ran around, laughed and talked loudly. I took a seat behind some girls who seemed to be your stereotypical "mean girls" from some tween flick. They were all making fun of a girl and discouraging her from auditioning with her song saying she had no talent. These were her best friends.

When the little girl on stage was finished performing, my teacher yelled out 'who's next?' I resolutely crumbled my poem up, shoved it into my pocket and marched up to the stage. In the midst of this chaos, I took the microphone and started belting out the song "Listen" from the movie Dreamgirls. Mind you, I'm almost certain I've only heard this song once, when I saw the movie years ago, but the lyrics bellowed out of me as if I was Beyonce herself. Suddenly, the room was quiet and still. All eyes and ears were on me. Once I was finished, there were no applause, just gaping mouths, and I walked away from the mic, and left all of my youthful enthusiasm on the stage.

As I awaken, I recalled a conversation I had had the night before about listening. Most people don't do it. We hear the words, but we're often too busy waiting for our opportunity to respond to actually listen to what's being said. I remember in my discussion the idea of also listening to what's not being said. A conversation has many parts; speech, subtext, tone, body language. It's baffling to me how we can think that effectual conversations can take place via text, facebook, or twitter.

I took special note to the fact that in my dream I was a small child. It was a direct correlation with my feelings that youth go unheard, and how I sometimes feel like a child who should be seen and not heard when people don't listen to me. Young people always tell us what they think, feel, and need, but because they haven't yet learned how to convey these things sufficiently, we only hear complaints, excuses, and rebellion.

We are all children in the midst of chaos fighting to be heard. We are, however, also the chaos. We need to listen to each other and not just hear. I remember years ago how I used to hear music, the beat, the bass, the rhythm of the lyrics, but I wasn't actually listening to the words. Once I began to listen to the words, I became much more discerning about the type of music I listened to. 

So many times when a tragedy occurs, or even just disappointment, there were warnings to which we didn't listen.There is much that we can offer and receive from one another, but we need to listen. Don't dismiss someone because they are not speaking in a language you prefer or are used to. Do pause amidst the chaos and observe, pay attention. There is value in every word that is spoken or unspoken, even if we don't know what that value is at the time. Listen.