Reflections

Lately, I have been reflecting on my experiences and what, if anything I have learned. Since this is a blog about my journey to the throne, or my growth, I thought I needed to get back to this meditation. It is the journey that is important, of course, not the destination. Dictionary.com has an etymology of the word destination as "Modern sense (1787) is from place of destination, where one is "destined" to go," so I know I will get there. But how I get there will determine the longevity of my stay.

I have learned not to get too upset or sad when things don't go the way I'd hoped because they happen that way for a reason. I've also learned not to get too happy when things go the way I would like in order to have balance. Since I began to put real effort into this journey, life has thrown me some curve balls. But just like a batter, I have to learn to hit them because it is part of life's arsenal of pitches, much like a pitcher in baseball. (Forgive the sports analogy). Curves are just different directions, not necessarily bad ones. I have found that these new directions are often necessary in order to get on the right path and bring even more enlightenment and joy. It is not easy wearing this crown, as it can get quite heavy with every jewel placed in it. The jewels are the growth and blessings I receive.

I have lost some friends in the past few months, but  I have gained one who has proven to be worth all of those times ten! In fact, I would say I've gained another family member. Some people see things in us most others are not able to see. I'm of the opinion that people see in others things which they themselves possess which may be good or in need of change. My new brother has shown me more love in one day than some people have shown me in a lifetime. All he did was treat me with honor and respect. Yes, that's really all one needs to do to show love to another. I hope I have shown him as much honor and respect as he has shown me because I would love for him to feel the joy I have felt. Much love to you STAR.

I have learned some things about myself recently. I have learned that I am who my Father the Mighty King has made me, and that is good. Again, not everyone can see the blessings I have to offer, but some do, and will. I just need to make sure I see, accept, and honor these qualities in myself as well. I recently went through a great deal of anxiety over wanting to be liked and accepted in many areas in my life, until I just told myself, 'I am being the best me I can be at this moment in time' and let my Father take care of the rest. The real lesson, something it took me until now to figure out: Accepting and loving yourself =CONFIDENCE. This doesn't mean I've conquered all of my fears, but I'm on my way. Currently, I'm crushing on someone whom I see as "out of my league." This only tells me I have a little ways to go towards total self acceptance/confidence. Will I pursue it? Let him know? I don't know. It doesn't matter. Like I said, it's the journey, and this step is about building my confidence.

Writing and sharing this journal and my poetry blog (shamelessplug: http://crowningwrites.blogspot.com/) is a huge step for me. Up until a few months ago, I very rarely shared my writing. Now I plug it every chance I can get, knowing that not everyone will like everything I write, and that's ok. I've got to pat myself on the back for that one. Meanwhile, I am riding a joy wave as big as a tsunami and so I must give continual thanks and praises to the Most High, my Father the Mighty King, for the blessings. I had to take time to reflect on my progress, and despite what those on the outside looking in might think, I have made some good tracks. I pray for a safe journey for all of you trodding to the throne as well. Love and light.