It's not the hoodie he was in...it's the hood he was in.

Americans are sometimes easily bamboozled and sidetracked from the real issues.  "Reality" shows and gossip magazines are often taken as truth as we are consumed with trivia. Sensationalized headlines are like shiny objects dangled in front of us to distract us from what's really going on. It's not surprising when a small aspect of a situation gets blown into a major cause because it was highlighted for us. 


So when people become convinced that an athletic garment is the cause for a young man's death, we should all take a minute, remember where we are, and look closer at the entire situation.  In this country, most injustice is based on  race, class, or social stratification.  If Justin Bieber was walking through that same neighborhood that Trayvon Martin was killed in, and wearing the same hoodie, do you think he would have been seen as suspicious? What if  it was the man who discovered Justin Bieber, Usher? 


This country has a history of racial profiling, particularly of black males who are walking or driving in predominantly white neighborhoods. The media would have us believe that since President Obama was elected, we live in a "post racial" society. This couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, since President Obama was elected, I have seen more of a racially focused society than ever. But we blame a hoodie.


Now African American and Latino/Hispanic youth are being advised not to wear hoodies (thanks Geraldo).  If it wasn't about race, Geraldo would have advised ALL youth not to wear hoodies.  But Mr. Rivera, the sensationalist guru himself, is holding a sparkly object by a string in the faces of Americans. People are focusing on a hoodie when we all know very well that it was the skin underneath the hoodie that caused the neighborhood watch such concern.


But here we stand, dazed and confused, unable, or more likely, unwilling to acknowledge the pink elephant in the room...America is still fraught with racism. Even other African Americans are quick to pre-judge, vilify, and marginalize this and other youth because it is too frightening or disturbing to believe that we still live in our grandparents' world. Racism is the stain of this country, and covering it up or ignoring it is not going to make it go away. If we can't scrub it out, we must throw the shirt, or hoodie, away. Peace and blessings.

My Journey Thus Far

Today is yet another day for reflection and appreciation. I celebrate another revolution around the Sun. Rastas call it my "Earth Strong" or the day I came to earth and was strong enough to survive...it's my birthday. Everyday is my birthday so I always give thanks, but it's nice to have a day when friends, family, and loved ones celebrate your existence with you. It is also a good time to do a check in.


These past 365 days have been full. I have met some great people, heard some great music, learned some great lessons. I have been challenged, grown spiritually and emotionally, and encountered both disappointment and opportunity. I am pleased with some of the growth I've done because I have learned the importance of knowing how to pick my battles and when to let things go. Forgiveness has become a big part of my life as I recognize we are all doing the best we can at any given moment.


What's more important to me right now than what I have done is what I will do. Life doesn't always turn out the way we hope, but that doesn't mean it can't still be great. I intend to live more in the moment. Living in the moment is about enjoying, appreciating and being aware of everything and everyone around you in that moment. I have found that living this way lessens the "disappointments" in life because I am better able to see the joys and blessings.


I also intend to make service of others a bigger part of my life. I admit that sometimes I fight it because I feel pulled in many directions by many people, but perhaps that's because that's my purpose. My philosophy is "To serve you is to serve Jah (the Most High)".  While serving, I hope to express my love and appreciation more. I find knowing I'm loved and appreciated makes me feel good, so it must do the same for others too. Finally, I am putting full efforts into eliminating my ego and being myself fully regardless of others' opinions. It is not always easy...but it is certainly necessary. I'm telling you all of this so that you can check me if I slip.


I am grateful for all who have shown me love, kindness, support, friendship, and encouragement. I give thanks. Peace and blessings.

In Defense of Children

Do you ever reminisce on your childhood? What memories come to mind? Do you think back on waking up at 7 a.m. during the summer (when you had to be dragged out of bed during the school year) eating a bowl of sugary cereal, then putting on your play clothes to go out for a full day of hard core playing? You ran fast and often, paid no attention to dirt or your noise level, invented games, laughed at everything, and then sprinted like Usain Bolt to make it into the house before the street lights came on, lest you face the rod that would not be spared. Maybe you recall comforting home cooked meals that lined your belly nightly...food so lovingly and skillfully prepared you even ate the vegetables!


Remember family vacations to visit relatives who adored and doted on you, with cousins that were your best friends for a couple of weeks? How about when your family showed up to every activity you participated in and cheered like you won an Oscar? Then there was the look your mom had that invoked the fear of God in you when you even thought about misbehaving in public. Or the way you couldn't get away with anything in the neighborhood because your good neighbors would admonish you and then tell your mom! No notes sent home from school were ever hidden from your parents more than once because they always found out and there was always a penalty to pay. Coaches and teachers were extended family in that they gave love, encouragement, discipline, advice and comfort as though there was an unwritten pact with your parents to guide you.


These are fond memories that some of you may do your best to give to your own children. But things are different today. Many children go to bed hungry only to wake up and go to school hungry. Some face perilous obstacles just to get to and from school. Even school isn't safe these days because the teachers and coaches are no longer allies, but adversaries. Children are bombarded with media targeting them and these images and messages erase their innocence and put their minds in a time machine often leaving their bodies, including their underdeveloped brains behind.  People used to believe the children are our future...now they seem to think they are a nuisance, our downfall, or objects to use and misuse as they please.


I've heard a lot of comments lately about hating or disliking children because of their behavior. I always say there are no "bad" children only children who need guidance. The fact of the matter is, a child's behavior is a direct reflection on the guidance they receive or lack thereof. It is also often the only way a child can express discontent...acting out if you will, because they haven't learned how or are too afraid to express their feelings or needs. So it really bothers me when adults badmouth children instead of redirecting them to better behavior. "It's not my child" is not a valid excuse, especially when your own childhood was rife with a village full of  parental figures.


Society has become lax on protecting our children. Teachers have become too frustrated with the lack of support and funding in education to care. Parents are too busy thinking about their own pleasures or needs, and poverty and crime  has been allowed to get out of hand. Yet, we admonish the children for crying out from the pain of having to suffer these circumstances.  Years ago in a training I heard this story  ("A Teacher's Story") that really gave me the best perspective when dealing with youth. I encourage all, especially teachers and others who work with children to read it. If you don't read it, or it doesn't ignite compassion within you...remember your own childhood and wish that for all children. Peace and blessings.

It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory. ~W. Edwards Deming

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I can't recognize the face staring back at me. I don't look the same as I did five, ten, or fifteen  years ago, because I am not. Whether I'm better or worse is not the point...I'm different. I'm reminded of the saying, "People around you are a reflection of yourself" and I begin to wonder if this unfamiliar reflection is actually my former self, who I no longer recognize, being reflected by people who knew her back then. I've changed, but some of those people seem unchanged to me, and I end up in a sort of tug of war resisting being pulled back in time.


It's not that I think I'm better or worse than these folks from my youth, but I am different. I don't think, feel, or behave the same as I used to, and it often causes conflict within these relationships. Some people seem resistant to change, especially when it occurs in the people around them. Though many spend inordinate amounts of time and money changing their physical appearances, changes of mind, heart, or spirits seem blasphemous to them. John Kenneth Galbraith said, "Faced with the choice between changing one's mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof." This is something I encounter often with these reflectors of my former self.


In this day and age, the earth, it's inhabitants, and their rulers are showing us that change is necessary for survival. We can no longer mistreat the earth and expect her to continue to yield life giving goodness. We can't continue to mistreat or ignore one another because we are all vital links in the chain of life. It is not true that if nothing changes it stays the same because everything is constantly changing, even if the changes are unobservable to the human eye. If you still eat the same way at 35 as you did at 25, you will not remain the same. Your body is continually changing, and so is the food you're eating. So don't be surprised if you gain weight or health problems.


So, I am now brought to the saying, "If you can't change the people around you, change the people you're around." This is especially difficult when you still love and care about those people. I'm at a crossroads because I don't necessarily want to change the people around me except the way the interact with me. But I also don't want to go backwards in order to keep them around me either. As Harold Wilson said, "He who rejects change is the architect of decay.  The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery." Even a corpse progresses to dust. Peace and blessings.

Dating in the 21st Century

 Lately, I've had the desire to get back into the dating scene. I had put it on hold until I got more settled into my new area and made some new friends. A year and a half later, however, my life is still in a bit of flux and I haven't really solidified meaningful connections with people yet. So my thought is; if it is this challenging to make new friends, what are my chances of finding a suitable beau?

I asked for advice from some friends. Some were married, others are in the dating world. They advised me to go on matchmaking websites to find love. It's not a surprise that dating in the 21st century has taken to the web,  but it is a bit daunting.  There are hours worth of forms to fill out, and one never knows who is being truthful on them.  You are being matched by a computer program that can never really get the true essence of a person. It is a little scary because you could be matched with a serial killer or some other kind of criminal. I really hate trying to write a paragraph that sums up who I am. I don't know if I'm the type of person who's match would be found on one of these sites.

What happened to making connections with people while out and about in the world doing the things you enjoy?  Are people so busy that they can't even be bothered to get to know the things that are on these online forms for themselves? I mean, dates still need to take place to make a real connection anyway, right? Do online dating sites really make a more perfect or near perfect match than meeting someone at a museum or grocery store? It just seems awfully impersonal, even clinical to me. But I'm told it has worked for some people, and it seems to be the current method of dating.

Not too long ago, I watched a movie called "Arranged." It was about an Orthodox Jewish woman and a Syrian Muslim woman who teach at the same school. They find common ground through their religious commitments and realize they have both been committed to an arranged marriage. It's not the type of arrangement where their husbands have been pre-selected and they meet on their wedding day. They meet with different men who are selected for them and they get to choose who they want to marry.  I found it difficult to find fault with this process.  How great would it be to have people who know and love you find suitors for you! Many people have disagreed with this process for many years, but in today's world of computer dating, I think I would prefer it.

I would be open to any suggestions on finding a suitable mate. If there are any of you who know me who know someone that might be a good match, I'm open to it. Making connections of any sort seems to be quite a task these days. We all seem to be inside of these boxes that keep the rest of the world at a distance. What are we so afraid of? It seems to me that life would be easier and more pleasant if we would let down our guards and let people into our personal worlds. I'm interested in your thoughts. Peace and blessings.

Black and Female in America

Being a black female in the U.S. is a complete mind-f**k. There is a psychological warfare against the black female that goes largely unnoticed or unspoken, often even by it's victims. The images and messages being implanted in the minds of Americans are covertly and overtly anti-female of African descent. I am not implying that females or  males of other "races" or ethnicities aren't also targeted. I am, however, only able to speak from my own experience.


All my life I have been given the compliment that I have beautiful eyes. As a child, my hazel green eyes changed colors from grey to brown to hazel green. Yet, I still wished I had blue eyes. I sometimes walked around with a  towel or pillowcase on my head because even though I had a head full of long thick hair, it was not straight. Getting it straightened was torture, especially to my hair. I don't recall specific messages saying long straight hair and blue eyes were the most beautiful, but clearly the images I received conveyed that message. There were very few images that resembled me at that time.


Many years later, the same images prevail in the media and the same messages are imparted. I realize now that this has been going on at least as far back as my grandmother's childhood, and farther.  African features are looked upon as ugly even as plastic surgeries for lip, buttocks, and cheekbone enhancements are on the rise. Many women of African descent in America are straightening their hair or getting weaves, starving themselves or going into depression because of their wide hips and ample behinds, and denying their culture and heritage.


I have gone through all of these things and still struggle with some. No matter how much I know and see the beauty in how my Father the Mighty King made me, I am faced with judgement daily. African women are not created to look like European women, and for a reason.  Our hips are wide to give birth to civilization, our breasts are shaped to feed civilization, and our shoulders are wide to carry civilization. My lips are full so that you may feel the passion I have for you, my Sun kissed skin is my armor, and my tightly curled hair is my crown.


Though I know the beauty of my heritage and the royalty of my lineage, the slings and arrows of outrageous Euro-centric ideals can become overwhelming at times.What hurts more is to see my sisters suffering and losing the battle. What hurts most is being stereotyped and vilified by a society who is believing the hype. Women of African descent in America (and possibly the world) are suffering from post traumatic stress, only the trauma hasn't ended. I pray everyone sees our beauty one day. If you can't, keep it to yourself. Peace and blessings.