What is beauty? I once did an image search for beauty and all of the pictures were of people, and none of them looked like me. Does that mean I am not beautiful? If I had a dime for every time a friend told me "you have a pretty face, if you would just lose some weight, you'd have it going on," I wouldn't have to work anymore. Don't you love "compliments" like that. It's like giving someone a beautifully wrapped box of shit.
We are bombarded with images these days, so much so that people don't read anymore. They just look at the pictures. These images in magazines, television, movies and videos are setting the standard for beauty, and have been for a very long time. The problem is, the standard does not include a great majority of the world's population. People of African, Latino, Native and Asian decent are represented in lighter hues with more European features. In cultures around the world, for centuries, there has been the belief that lighter is better. So non Europeans have been bleaching their skin, dying and straightening their hair, and having surgeries to meet this standard of "beauty." The biggest joke here in the U.S. is how the media promotes thinness as beauty, with commercials for super sized meals and weight loss products in between. I promise you McDonalds and Bally's struck a deal with each other a long time ago. So here we are, unwitting pawns in the game called the "American Dream" not realizing we can never win.
I have noticed that even ones who claim to be of a "higher more evolved consciousness" fall prey to this propaganda. I hear them say that true beauty comes from within, but I see them ogle and applaud that same standard of beauty. I have been rejected by some men who claim they want a strong, intelligent, conscious sista, only to see them with thin, Euro centric dimwits. This contradiction is confusing. I remember when I was in college, two friends and I went to a club. I hated clubs. We were sitting at a table and two men came and asked if they could join us. They engaged us in conversation which was surprisingly intelligent and witty. My friends weren't interested in talking so I laughed and spoke with the gentlemen and began to have a nice time. Then a popular song came on and they asked my friends to dance and I was left sitting there holding purses. Like I said, I hated clubs. Years later, the TV producer I was working for gave me some insight on the male psyche. He said, "Most men like their women pretty and dumb. Pretty and smart women are intimidating to us, so you're going to have a hard time finding a man." I didn't know until now that he was psychic.
I, like many other women have struggled with body image all of my life. Janet Jackson even wrote a book* about her struggle. Yes, even Janet Jackson has had to deal with this issue. People always say one shouldn't define themselves by what others think of them, but that advice is much easier to agree with than to follow. I remember when I was a child, my brother used to tease me about my weight. Playing the dozens it was called. I think he only did it to get laughs from his friends, because he never did it when it was just the two of us. But from age 11 until today, I have never felt beautiful. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can kill the spirit. I have good days and bad days. Some days I feel fierce, other days I don't even want to leave the house and subject the world to my hideousness.
I know you're asking, "why won't you just lose the weight?" Well, in the last three years, I have lost around 80 pounds, with much more to go. It's a lot easier to put on than to take off. I finally stopped medicating myself with food (except of course for herbs and other actual healing foods). I replaced it with smoking at one point, then my mother got breast cancer and I stopped that. Shopping then became my drug. When I moved, I gave away tons of shoes and clothes that I never wore. I can't afford shopping therapy these days, so I write. It's healthier, however, not being read is a downer. But I digress. Most of the work I have done on myself was about becoming a better person inside, healing and nourishing my spirit. But the mind, body, spirit connection is strong and I know I have to increase my work on the mind and body.
What I would really like to know is, what is the worse thing that could happen to you if you allow yourself to be in love with someone who doesn't fit society's standard of beauty? How long will we allow ourselves to be pawns in this game? African women since creation have had wider hips, fuller breasts, plumper backsides, and ample thighs. In Africa today, a woman who is about to get married is taken into a hut for a period of time and fed only milk, and isn't allowed to move, except to relieve herself, until she fattens up. It is a sign of beauty and prosperity. And people wonder why I want to go back to Africa. Well, I'm going to try window shopping therapy today, avert your eyes world, here I come.
*"True You" by Janet Jackson
We are bombarded with images these days, so much so that people don't read anymore. They just look at the pictures. These images in magazines, television, movies and videos are setting the standard for beauty, and have been for a very long time. The problem is, the standard does not include a great majority of the world's population. People of African, Latino, Native and Asian decent are represented in lighter hues with more European features. In cultures around the world, for centuries, there has been the belief that lighter is better. So non Europeans have been bleaching their skin, dying and straightening their hair, and having surgeries to meet this standard of "beauty." The biggest joke here in the U.S. is how the media promotes thinness as beauty, with commercials for super sized meals and weight loss products in between. I promise you McDonalds and Bally's struck a deal with each other a long time ago. So here we are, unwitting pawns in the game called the "American Dream" not realizing we can never win.
I have noticed that even ones who claim to be of a "higher more evolved consciousness" fall prey to this propaganda. I hear them say that true beauty comes from within, but I see them ogle and applaud that same standard of beauty. I have been rejected by some men who claim they want a strong, intelligent, conscious sista, only to see them with thin, Euro centric dimwits. This contradiction is confusing. I remember when I was in college, two friends and I went to a club. I hated clubs. We were sitting at a table and two men came and asked if they could join us. They engaged us in conversation which was surprisingly intelligent and witty. My friends weren't interested in talking so I laughed and spoke with the gentlemen and began to have a nice time. Then a popular song came on and they asked my friends to dance and I was left sitting there holding purses. Like I said, I hated clubs. Years later, the TV producer I was working for gave me some insight on the male psyche. He said, "Most men like their women pretty and dumb. Pretty and smart women are intimidating to us, so you're going to have a hard time finding a man." I didn't know until now that he was psychic.
I, like many other women have struggled with body image all of my life. Janet Jackson even wrote a book* about her struggle. Yes, even Janet Jackson has had to deal with this issue. People always say one shouldn't define themselves by what others think of them, but that advice is much easier to agree with than to follow. I remember when I was a child, my brother used to tease me about my weight. Playing the dozens it was called. I think he only did it to get laughs from his friends, because he never did it when it was just the two of us. But from age 11 until today, I have never felt beautiful. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can kill the spirit. I have good days and bad days. Some days I feel fierce, other days I don't even want to leave the house and subject the world to my hideousness.
I know you're asking, "why won't you just lose the weight?" Well, in the last three years, I have lost around 80 pounds, with much more to go. It's a lot easier to put on than to take off. I finally stopped medicating myself with food (except of course for herbs and other actual healing foods). I replaced it with smoking at one point, then my mother got breast cancer and I stopped that. Shopping then became my drug. When I moved, I gave away tons of shoes and clothes that I never wore. I can't afford shopping therapy these days, so I write. It's healthier, however, not being read is a downer. But I digress. Most of the work I have done on myself was about becoming a better person inside, healing and nourishing my spirit. But the mind, body, spirit connection is strong and I know I have to increase my work on the mind and body.
What I would really like to know is, what is the worse thing that could happen to you if you allow yourself to be in love with someone who doesn't fit society's standard of beauty? How long will we allow ourselves to be pawns in this game? African women since creation have had wider hips, fuller breasts, plumper backsides, and ample thighs. In Africa today, a woman who is about to get married is taken into a hut for a period of time and fed only milk, and isn't allowed to move, except to relieve herself, until she fattens up. It is a sign of beauty and prosperity. And people wonder why I want to go back to Africa. Well, I'm going to try window shopping therapy today, avert your eyes world, here I come.
*"True You" by Janet Jackson
No comments:
Post a Comment