I have never had a competitive spirit. I like watching sports competitions, but I have never had the drive that professional athletes have, not even when I played sports. This is, perhaps, what made me a mediocre basketball player in high school. Nevertheless, I wasn't fixated on winning so much as improving my personal game. In reality, I wanted to be like my brother and have him be as proud of the way I played as I was of the way he played. I've always competed with myself. I set goals to beat my own GPA or test scores, not my classmates'. I tried to please and impress others, I admit, but not beat them. Even when I enter writing competitions it's to see how I've improved. If I don't win or place, I'm not there yet, work harder or differently.
I have had female friends go after men they knew I was interested in, when they weren't interested at all until they knew I was. Women have tried to sabotage projects I worked on in school by giving me wrong information. (Fortunately, I have always been one to research a matter myself), Co-workers have stabbed me in the back even when we weren't competing for a promotion, bonus, or raise. I have had male friends tell me their wives were threatened by me even when I advocated for them to the point of almost losing my friend. Women play mind games with each other too. They will be quick to point out your faults, which are sometimes fabricated, instead of your strengths. Here is a secret for you men, women dress to impress each other, not you. Even when they wear revealing clothing, it is to attract you, yes, but not so much because they want you so badly, rather it is to beat out other women.
I used to be a real proponent of sisterhood and supporting women until I found it wasn't usually reciprocated. For a long time I refused to have female friends other than ones I grew up with (and even a couple of those I kept an eye on) because I could no longer trust women. It was only a couple of years ago that I began making female friends again. But I've found that the game hasn't really changed much. Even some of my friends who I think are good women and probably genuinely like me tend to consciously or unconsciously compete with me. These are smart women with loving husbands, beautiful children, and great lives, some of them even make more money than I do. I used to think to myself, "why am I a threat to you? You have a better life than I do." I am now realizing that I must be pretty awesome to warrant such competitive efforts. Yet, I still see a competitiveness in small ways. Some withhold their support from you, but not others because in their minds you are competing for the same type of attention. Others find subtle ways to belittle you so as to rupture your self esteem. Still others have an uncontrollable need to prove you wrong, even on something as small as who starred in a movie.
I am happy when others do well, especially family and friends, especially in something I hope to do. It increases my hope that I too will one day succeed in attaining my dreams. I have always believed that if you begrudge someone else's happiness, you stifle your own. But I've seen friends, co-workers, sisters, even mothers and daughters competing with each other. It really hinders my ability to trust women. But the media tells us what beauty is, what success is, that we need to be better, stronger, richer, prettier, smarter, sweeter, thinner, taller and whatever else, than other women. Advertising compares us with each other and tells men who to be attracted to. I fear it will never stop. For the record, I am trying to be better than I was yesterday. I am competing with who I was last week, month, year, decade. I am rooting for you, supporting you, loving you. I am NOT a threat to your marriage, income, popularity, self esteem, friendships, or anything else. I'm not even in the game, so you can stop competing with me.
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