When I was a little girl, I remember my brother and I playing in a big box pushing each other around. (We were easily entertained). My brother then put the box over me and sat on it. I freaked out. This was the beginning of my claustrophobia. I knew even then that I didn't like being stuck in a box. Although I have my claustrophobia in check now, I'm still struggling to get out of boxes. People are not content with allowing others to be and evolve into who they were meant to be. It seems to be much easier for some to categorize, box, and label people in order to know how to deal with them accordingly. This hinders ones from truly being themselves and living freely. Even if a person lives his or her life the way he or she pleases, those who object or who cannot accept it either cause a disagreement, annoyance, or separation. So why do we feel the need to put people in boxes?
I was recently told by someone who has known me all of my life that my spirituality may be what turns my friends off and that I haven't been dating because I am too socially conscious. Now, this was ridiculous to me because it would seem to me that those qualities would be appealing to people, at least the people I would want to hang out with. But I know that what she was really saying was that it was a turn off for her. Yes, I have become more spiritual and socially conscious as I have gotten older, but those aren't the only facets to my personality. Yet, she has put me into these boxes as if I couldn't be more, as if she didn't know more. Perhaps the real issue is that she is unable to deal with those aspects of who I am and so they stand out to her. But she is not the only one who puts me in a box.
When I walk into a room, it's like filling out one of those "optional" surveys you see on job applications. Immediately people see African American and female. So now I'm put into the boxes of what that means to the observer. They see my dreadlocks, or my head wrapped, and now an entirely new box appears. Then they will ask a slew of questions to find out what other boxes they need to put me in: how old are you? what do you do? where did you go to school? where are you from? what's your religion? (when I tell them love is my religion they bring out the "coocoo" box). Once they're done surveying me, they think they know me. Then, they find out I'm rasta, vegan, and don't drink and they throw out all of the other boxes and bring out new ones. But they still don't know who I am, and they will never learn if they insist on deciding before they interact with me or communicate with me for any length of time
They say you only get one chance to make a first impression. Well, a first impression is not always the entire truth, and sometimes not the truth at all. Some of my closest friends are people whom I didn't care for when I first met them. I either gave them a second or third chance, or it was forced upon me, and when I got to know them, I realized I was wrong. Youth go through this all of the time. Adults assume they don't know about certain things because of their age. I have learned from them that wisdom doesn't come from age but from experience, observation, listening, and learning. Some youth have experienced and seen a lot. So I let them show me who they are. If only everyone would do the same for each other.
India Arie sang, "I am not my hair, I am not my skin, I am not your expectations no. I am not my hair, I am not my skin, I am a soul that lives within." Remember, humans are multi dimensional beings with many different experiences, moods, desires, and abilities. We are souls, and souls are very complex because it takes a lifetime to shape them. So I say stop being Fed Ex and throw away the boxes. Enough employers and government agencies want to categorize us, we don't need to do it to each other. If you only know one side of a person, try getting to know other sides before you decide who they are. Better yet, don't decide who they are, just accept them. Lastly, be your authentic self and refuse to get into the boxes people create for you. Love and light.
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