"Open your eyes, and look within"

This is one of those days I give thanks and praises to my Father the Mighty King that I do not have to work. You ever have one of those days where you wake up in a strange mood? I mean you're not sad or depressed, or even in a bad mood, but just not feeling like yourself? Well this is one of those days for me. I woke up earlier than I wanted to because of a dream that I certainly didn't want to have. Since then, I've spilled my breakfast three times (happens when you have no furniture), I burned the food I was trying cook to replace what I spilled, so my small house is smokey, which means I had to open a window to let out my warm air and let in some frosty air.

Yes, this is a day of washing my locks and self reflection. I don't write this blog because I think I know everything, quite the contrary. What I DON'T know could fill several libraries, and does! I find some people resent the little intelligence I've been blessed with, while others put way to much confidence in it. I do a lot of introspective exploration and I just want to share what I come up with. I would love feedback and your opinions, so feel free. One thing that bothers me is all of those people who think they know me so well. How can they know me when there is so much I don't know about myself? Plus, I am constantly growing, evolving, metamorphosizing....I am becoming a queen, remember?


So, today is for more self reflection, another journey into the deep to figure out what I still need to learn, what I still need to change. That's one of the things I've been struggling with since I made this trod away from loved ones to my throne. I am all about reinventing myself. It has to happen in order for me to be crowned. But what parts of me are worth keeping and which ones need to go? Sometimes I wonder if I'm changing some things up just for the sake of change. I have to keep telling myself, 'if you like it, and it works for you, it's you.' For instance, the clothing I wear has become a debate in my own head. Do I like this, is it me, or am I just trying to find something that is different than what I usually wear? You see, I am very aware that certain things become habit and pretty soon, you no longer know if you like or if you're just used to it.


Habits are a funny thing. Why is it that bad habits are much easier to keep than good habits? I can eat french fries with anything, seriously, anything, but why can't I commit to going to the gym on a regular basis? I think that bad habits usually make us feel  good and are easy, while good habits are often a little harder and though good for us, they don't always give us that instant gratification.  I have some habits I need to shake, some demons I need to expel, some thought patterns I need to change. That's why I go inward as often as possible, and I am often working things out as I type this blog!


Some people are afraid of their own company. They're afraid to ask themselves the questions that need answering the most. But it's like one of those game shows, we have to answer certain questions, complete certain tasks in order to move on to the next step. The prizes are peace, happiness, and enlightenment. I'm ready and willing to do the work, to find out what's giving me disturbing dreams, or why I have certain habits and how to get rid of them, how I can become a better me. I don't know everything, and I don't need to know everything, but I do need to know everything about myself, so that I can complete my journey to becoming a queen.