We are family

People say you can't choose your family, well I disagree to a certain extent. Family is who and what you make it. Love, honor, respect, and loyalty makes family. We are all brothers and sisters on this rock anyway. There is a big difference between relatives and family. Relatives share a bloodline, DNA, chromosomes. Family shares bonds, memories, heritage, joys, pains, meals, milestones, love. Yes, relatives can also be family and vice versa. I read once that family is a haven in a heartless world. I have found havens outside of my gene pool. It's all in who you gather to your heart.


There have been many people whom I have gathered to my heart, yet they chose not to stay. I would not say they are family because that is where the loyalty comes in. Family sticks by you through your ups and downs, they may judge you, let's not bs that issue, but they won't hold it against you, at least not for long. Family sees the divine in you even when you don't see it in yourself and they treat you accordingly. There have also been many who I have gathered to my heart who have chosen to stay and I give thanks for them.


There is my sister who is love, she gives freely of her heart, prays for others, and spreads joy. Her husband is my brother who shares wisdom, lives a life of integrity, has a warm mild demeanor, and is a great father to his beautiful daughter, my niece. She is just love and joy wrapped in a smile. I have another sister who lends an ear for my venting or sorrows, and gives encouragement. She feeds everyone and offers her home as a safe haven for many. I have a sister I've known since my youth who keeps in touch in her own way, never going too long without contact. She always invites me to spend time with her family (my family) and holds my mom as dear as her own. Then there is my brother whom I would never have thought would be so at one point. We had some differences that threatened to separate us forever, but my Father the Mighty King is also his Father and that kept us together long enough to build a bond of brotherly and sisterly love that can never be broken. I could go on and on, but these are just a few who touch my heart.


I have felt a feeling of family for others who didn't feel the same, but I know my Father the Mighty King intended for me to keep them close to my heart, so although they move farther away from me, I will stay close in spirit with them. Groundation sang, "wondering why they couldn't love them who loved them," ("Smile") and I often wonder that about some of the people I have gathered in my heart. Some share DNA with me, but I'll love them still. Desmond Tutu  said, "You don't choose your family.  They are God's gift to you, as you are to them." Now I agree with that, and I am thankful.

Reason for the season?

So, here it is "christmas" day and I'm left thinking two things, 1) everything about this holiday is based on lies, and 2) very few people are focused o what matters right now. Now many of you may have heard that December 25th is not the birthday of jesus, the Christ who is celebrated on this day. But people don't care, it's just as good as any day to celebrate. But why do we give each other gifts? And of course there is no santa claus but we perpetuate that lie to children for as long as we can. I get over joyed when a child tells me there's no such thing as santa claus, while other adults are mortified and saddened as if a piece of them had died. I don't get it.

Why do we lie to children and go so far out of our way as a society to keep the lie going like some never ending chain letter? Parents work their butts off, brave lines, crowds, and vicious parking lots to get their children the things they want, not need, want. Yet they think that a child would be more respectful and well behaved if they think some phantom fat man is watching them all year than to let them know that their parents love them enough to make sacrifices so that they can have the things they want. What's with the gifts anyway? People feel obligated to buy people gifts and children (and some adults) are ungrateful if they get something they didn't want, or didn't get something they did want. Isn't it supposed to be jesus' birthday? Oh right, that's the other lie.

I think christmas should be a time to give thanks for life and family (and family is who you make them, more on that in a coming blog). All year long we whine and complain about what's going wrong in our lives and what we don't have, all the while forgetting to be thankful to have life at all. Two people who are close to me were witnesses of strangers passing on. One held a young man of 24's hand as the life slipped out of his body for no apparent reason, the day before christmas. Another saw an elderly man lie lifeless on the ground after being senselessly gunned downed in front of his home. Many people didn't wake up to see today, let alone to be disappointed in a gift for someone else's birthday.

LIFE is the real gift, and to be thankful for it the "reason for the season".  People are saying 'happy birthday jesus,' but if this jesus is the son of God, he no more needs presents or birthday wishes as he needs turkeys, hams, or figgy pudding. I am sure he would be quite confused by the decorated pine trees, and the fat guy in the red suit stealing the show at his party. We should stop teaching children to be expectant and  greedy, with a sense of entitlement and bribing them to be good, and begin teaching them that this life is a gift and it's irreplaceable, and that helping others should be the gift they give in return. Merry Life, and Happy Gratitude. 

Pack Light

Are you a bag lady or man? What are you carrying around with you that is weighing you down? I'm not talking about what's in your purse or backpack or briefcase, I'm talking about what's in your head, your heart, your spirit. We all carry things from the past that should be left in the past. Anything that is making your journey more difficult should be left on the side of the road. All of that heavy baggage that we drag along with us through life is keeping us from propelling forward, yes propelling. When our spirits are light joy propels us to loftier places, the places where dreams reside.

I have carried my share of baggage, and I may still have a coin purse or two that I still need to ditch. So I understand holding on to the past. It's hard to let go. I also know that when we have all of these hurt feelings, anger, bitterness, regrets, we sometimes bring them to places where they don't belong, and risk getting kicked out or scolded. Relationships, debates (or reasonings as I call them), spiritual pursuits, or new experiences are just a few places where there is no baggage allowed. I wonder if life charged us $100 for each piece of "baggage" we brought into it would we be more diligent about how we pack our minds, hearts, and spirits.

The people we encounter in life are poor unsuspecting, usually innocent bystanders who without warning get our baggage plopped in their laps. Now they can't move forward either. It isn't fair to them, and quite frankly to you either. How can one be rational when every word or act is fueled by past hurts, anger, or regret? It is not fair to pre-judge a person or situation based on a past experience because they were not there and this situation is not that situation. That is not to say that we shouldn't be cautious, but we should allow a person to bear their own fruit or a situation to play out a bit before we start throwing our baggage at them.

We carry these bags as if there is something in them that will protect us. But these bags are mostly filled with fear. The fears of rejection, judgement, pain, loss and all of the emotions stuck to past experiences are hindering us, not helping. What if you put those bags down for a time and open yourself up to a new experience? What's the worst that could happen? You will always be cautious, but without the baggage you may be inclined to give a person or situation a chance to prove themselves to be different than before.

Life is too precious and wonderful to miss out on it because you have to lug all of that baggage everywhere. Sometimes bad things happen, even to good people. Sometimes good things happen to good people. If you don't want to risk having something bad happen to you, you also don't want to risk having something good happen to you. William Arthur Ward said it best in this poem:

To Risk

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.

To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.

To reach for another is to risk involvement.

To expose your ideas, your dreams,

before a crowd is to risk their loss.

To love is to risk not being loved in return.

To live is to risk dying.

To believe is to risk despair.

To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken, because the

greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The people who risk nothing, do nothing,

have nothing, are nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow,

but they cannot learn, feel, change,

grow, love, live.

Chained by their attitudes they are slaves;

they have forfeited their freedom.

Only a person who risks is free.

What happens to a dream deferred?

I've been thinking about dreams a lot lately, not the ones that occur during r.e.m. sleep, the ones we build up in our hearts, souls, and mind's eyes. I have some big dreams, as I'm sure many of you do. My question is this; can your dreams be too big? I mean, is the man of my dreams out of my reach? Should I aim lower? I would love to be a published author, children's books and poetry. Is that too lofty of a dream? I mean, I can publish my own book, but will anyone read it? My goal is not to make a lot of money, but to be read, to affect someone the way Maya Angelou, Ntozake Shange, Langston Hughes and so many others have affected me. Of course, I have 3 blogs and five followers between them so I'm not sure how many people would read an entire book of my work. At any rate, as a person whose job it is to nurture and help realize the dreams of youth, I really want to get a handle on this question.

Now, are all of our dreams possible only if we follow a particular path? Are we more likely to achieve them if we strive for them by a certain age and then the odds dwindle? What are the barriers that keep us from fulfilling our dreams and how, if at all, do we remove them? This is why I would like to have more followers who comment on my blogs so there can be discussion and so I can get some help sorting these things out. Ok, so let's start with the first question, must we follow a particular path. Well, I suppose for some professions like a doctor or lawyer one would need to follow the correct educational path. But then that brings in the third question, what if there are barriers to prevent you from taking that path, like money? There have been many who went back to school later in life and became doctors and lawyers, so the age question seems flexible.

Let's go back to barriers. There are so many barriers to us fulfilling our dreams, not the least of which is ourselves. We doubt ourselves, listen to others' negative talk, hormones take our minds away from our dreams and send us down another path. Working with youth I see where it starts. Youth in low income and high crime areas lack hope. They lack hope because their parents and their grandparents lack hope. They are stuck in cyclical poverty and don't see a way out. One child told me he wanted to be a security guard when he grew up. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just that fifth graders usually have much bigger dreams and ideas about what they want their lives to be like. Dreaming has always been looked upon as a child's activity. So poverty is a barrier. I would say also that the school systems in these areas are creating barriers for these children by not properly preparing them. How much encouragement is necessary for ones to meet their dreams? I've seen people do extraordinary things though everyone told them they couldn't. Conversely, I have seen great works come from those who credit the support and encouragement of parents, teachers, coaches and so forth for their successes.

Now, age. In his mid-50s Taikichiro Mori founded the business that made him, for a year or two, the richest man in the world. Al Jarreau didn't release his first album until he was 35. Clint Eastwood didn't direct his first film until he was 41. (He was 62 when he won the Best Director Oscar for "Unforgiven" and 74 when he won it for "Million Dollar Baby.") The human brain doesn't even stop developing until age 25 (the part that controls judgement takes the longest to develop, surprise surprise). So, I think it could be an advantage to pursue some of our dreams later in life.

So what does this all mean? What's the answer? I've been thinking about this for a week, but I didn't write about it because I didn't have an answer that satisfied me, until yesterday. Rev. Run (of Run DMC) tweeted this: "God gives us dreams several sizes too big so that we can grow into them." I love that because I am definitely still growing, and dreaming.

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“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time.”~Tolstoy

Someone I once knew used to say, "they'd better learn to be patient before they become a patient," meaning if they didn't learn how to be patient, their blood pressure would get too high, or they'd go crazy. Patience is not an easy thing to learn, but it is one of those lessons that once you learn it, has great benefits. Lately, I've been getting another round of these lessons and I'm fine tuning the art of patience. Yes, it is an art, and it doesn't look like what most people think it does.

For instance, patience isn't waiting in line at the grocery store tapping your foot, checking your watch, and sighing, while the checker chats up the customer in front of you. It isn't worrying and complaining that you haven't found a job yet. Patience is connected to faith. Yes, there's that word again. In order to truly be patient, I've learned, one must have faith that you've done all you can do in the situation, the Higher Power/universe/great spirit/collective energy is doing their part, and that everything that is happening is happening the way it is for a reason. It is the reason that we must focus on. The reason is the lesson, and once we learn the lesson, we can sit peacefully and wait.

Yesterday I spent a total of 2 hours waiting for buses in ccccold weather. (They say it was 57 and felt like 57, but this southern Cali girl felt 47 degrees). I had no control over the bus schedule, as infrequent as it seemed. I had no control over the weather. All I had control over was my reaction to the situation. As I sat on the bench shivering, I began to ponder the lessons. This was my Father the Mighty King giving me lessons in responsibility, in being grateful for what you have when you have it, in understanding others' situations, and in humility. How lazy and out of shape I had gotten driving across the street to the store in my old neighborhood. The laundromat was even across the street there. How many times did I avoid a person so they wouldn't ask me for a ride?  I look back and I see how and what I could have done better. I complained about that old car, now it's gone and I miss it.

Patience is more than a waiting game. It's also about being diligent in your efforts to change yourself, your situation, or the world. I think that's why so many people become complacent with life. It's not that they're lazy so much as they lack the patience to meticulously do one thing or take one step at a time. We are a society with a short attention span, a community of 30 minute meals, quick downloads, 27 minute sitcoms, and cross country red eyes. I just told someone the other day that the 400 mile drive from here to L.A. was nothing. A lot of people complain about it, and on the road, there are always those who have to get there at least one car length sooner. People used to travel this country by stagecoach and horses, and sometimes by foot! I'm not complaining about a 6 hour drive in a comfy car with music, and restaurants along the way

Sitting on the cold bus stop watching cars and people go by I said a prayer, took a deep breath and relaxed into the moment. I made a point to look at my surroundings and the people around me. I wanted to see people, feel the damp air, and live in that moment because my Father the Mighty King put me there, and for a reason. I listened to some positive music that was telling me that the struggle is temporary, and necessary. I  mentally made a list of what I had done to improve my situation, because I know if I do my 1/3, my Father the Mighty King will do the rest. So my lesson in patience has thus far revealed this: It's easier to wait on the Lord than to wait on the bus, but then again, waiting on the bus is waiting on the Lord.

Pearls of Wisdom

It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you, without a dope blog to step to. That was for my hip hop officianatos. I only know it thanks to my brother. Anyway, it has been a long time since I've posted because I am without a car now and I am walking more than I have in a long time. So, I've been exhausted, too exhausted to write. Don't worry, I'm getting in shape. Yes, I am without a car, and I thank my Father the Mighty King that I am in an area with really good public transportation. I still have some challenges to work out, but my Father the Mighty King never lets me down. I know this is His plan to whip me into shape physically and mentally, and to keep me humble.I've missed writing on here, I just couldn't keep my eyes open long enough to write something worth reading. But I feel energized right now, so I'm taking advantage of it.

The area where I work and about seven miles on the way to it, is surrounded by a lot of hills. Whenever I would pass them, I would think how lovely the scenery would be if the hills weren't covered in this awful brown grass. I couldn't understand it. It has rained at least 20 days out of the 78 days I've been here. How could those darn hills still be brown? Must be the refinery I thought. Man always ruins nature. Then today, while I was on the train I saw the most amazing thing, green grass sprouting up all over those hills everywhere, almost over night! What the what? Can you imagine the inspiration I got from that?

Things immediately became clear to me. The first thing is that my Father the Mighty King can turn any  ugly situation into a thing of beauty by breathing new life into what seemed dead. It a message from my Father the Mighty King that this is a time of renewal, not just for the grass, but for His daughter too. Sometimes for  new life to begin, all the things that do not promote growth and forward movement must go. That car had carried me as far as it would go. It's time to transfer.

I've spoken before about letting go, and that's because I realize that it is one of the hardest things to do. We get caught up in "traditions" or the illusions of what happiness is, and sometimes it's simply habit.  We become what we think is content, but is really complacent. Walking in the cold and rain and waiting endlessly on bus stops has made me realize that we can't get too comfortable if we want to continue to grow and progress, whether it be mentally, spiritually, physically, or even financially. Being uncomfortable inspires us, or should inspire us, to do something to change the situation. That's why I guess I get so fired up when there is injustice and no one stands up to do anything about it. I wonder if everyone is comfortable with how things are. Are you ok with child abuse? Does it not bother you that people are homeless or hungry? Well, I for one am not at all comfortable with any of that. But I digress.

It's like a pearl. When an irritant like a tiny stone or sand gets inside the mollusks shell, let's say an oyster, a lustrous substance, called nacre, is secreted around the object to protect the soft internal surface of the mollusk. As layer upon layer of nacre coats the irritant, a pearl is formed. Nature always gives the perfect example for life. When we are "irritated" by something, someone, or some situation, we seek to protect ourselves. A pearl, which is considered very rare and highly valued when it occurs naturally, is change. The mollusk was uncomfortable and did something to change that situation.

So, I will not complain about my current situation because I know it could be worse, and I know it is a necessary step to creating my pearl. My Father the Mighty King turned those ugly brown hills into beautiful green rolling hills, how much more will He do for His daughter whom He loves, and is preparing for the throne.

Stand up for your Rights

Sometimes I get angry at the injustice going on in the world, but other times I just get sad. I get sad because of the inaction that goes on despite the injustices. I can't even say that people only care if it effects them because many people don't even care then. Whatever happened to the days of Dr. Martin Luther King when people marched, protested, staged sit ins, were willing to get hosed and arrested for equal rights and justice?

 

Have we overcome? There's no reason, and I mean no reason there should be a homeless or hungry individual in America. Yet there are, and in numbers that could rival so-called developing countries. This country has the capability to help feed and house people in other countries, and we should, but we can't even take care of our own. Yes, I say we, because I have yet to give my very best effort. People in this country tend to be greedy and stingy. But we sit back and do nothing, even as we feed our children our helping of rice and beans so their bellies will stop growling. Where is your fight?

And what about our littlest victims? What of the children? Will no one stand up and speak for them? Facebook right now has people posting their favorite cartoon pictures as a "protest" against violence against children. And how will that stop violence against children? So many people just popped their favorite cartoons up and all they were talking about was how much they loved to watch them. Some people didn't even know why they put it up there. But when I created a petition aimed at getting stronger punishment for child abusers, only one person signed. One day I got an email for a petition to bring back the old Myspace. I immediately went to the site as soon as I got the email to see how many people had signed and there were over a million. My petition for children has four. None from Myspace members. Will you not fight for the children?

I hear people complain about security checks at the airport, well no one said anything when they were first implemented, where did you think relinquishing your rights to privacy and against illegal search and seizure would lead? Now, you may have to watch your wife or daughter get violated just to go on vacation.

I know some people don't believe changing a law, or a law at all will help. Their solution is to talk about how society must change in order for injustice to stop. Well, we are society and perhaps the change we need is from inaction to action. If you don't think my idea will work, that's fine, I'm not married to it, but give me an alternate solution. Let's not just sit and reason on it with no solution. Talk is cheap, you'd better get up and stand up for your rights. My Father the Mighty King told me, "Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph.”(H.I.M. Haile Selassie I). "He who stands for nothing will fall for anything." (Malcolm X)

The struggle is the thing

My Father the Mighty King has been putting me through the fire lately to see what lessons I've learned and to test my strength. A lot of people, and I used to be one of them not very long ago, would take a woe as me stance, get angry, beg for pity, or just plain give up. But I've learned that everything happens for a reason, even if we can't see it right away. Recently, I have seen this play out in many ways. Sometimes if we just sit back and wait, and trust that little voice inside of us (mine is my Father the Mighty King) everything will all make sense.

We've all been through trials and tribulations and may have even thought we wouldn't or couldn't get through them. On my journey to the throne, I have  learned that I have much more strength than I realized. There are times when I know I'm strong enough to handle a situation, but I just don't want to have to be strong. But, I am not in control of my life, my Father the Mighty King is and He knows what's best for me better than I do.

I'm reminded of one of my favorite quotes, "There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom" (Anais Nin) and I remember that this is what it takes to become a queen, or rose, or butterfly, whatever or whomever it is that one aspires to be. It all takes struggle. That's why I'm so fascinated with the butterfly. When you see a caterpillar, there's no way you can imagine that it will someday be a butterfly. George Carlin once said, "The caterpillar does all the work but the butterfly gets all the publicity." Everyone likes the beautiful, dainty, graceful butterfly, but they squeal and are grossed out by the caterpillar. But they are one in the same. 

I used to get down on myself for my mistakes and wrong choices asking myself how I could be so stupid. But now I realize that its all part of the struggle to get out of the cocoon. That's what shapes a butterfly's wings, the caterpillar rubbing and pushing against the cocoon struggling  to get out. I get it now,  if we learn our lessons in the process, we give shape to our wings. It's ok to talk about the struggle, sing about it, rap about it, write about it, as long as you don't complain about it because it is necessary. At some point in every one's life, the desire to be free will far outweigh the difficulty of the struggle. 

Mustard seed or mountain moving?

Wikipedia says "Faith is the confident belief or trust in a person, idea, or thing that is not based on proof." While the bible says, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."  (Hebrews 11:1-KJV) I find the difference in the two definitions fascinating because they are completely opposite. While Wikipedia says that faith is believing in something or someone without proof, the bible says faith is the proof, or evidence. So which is the correct definition?

I think the key here is the "what" to which each definition refers. That is to say, Wikipedia is referring to trusting a person, idea, or thing, whereas the bible as a whole is clearly referring to a higher power. It in fact states, "Do not put your trust in princes, in human beings, who cannot save." (psalm 146:3 NIV) So the definition of faith resides in that in which we choose to put our trust. So, who do you trust?

I know many who think that faith means blindly trusting when it comes to God. But I think it really depends on how well you are able to see. If faith is "the evidence of things not seen," then there must a reason to have faith. For example, have you ever prayed for something and gotten it? Maybe you wished for it instead, and the universe granted it to you. When we go to bed at night, generally, we have "faith" that we will wake up in the morning, do we not? Making plans of any sort is an act of faith in itself because we do not know if they will come to fruition or what obstacles we will incur.

Now, as to trusting a person, idea, or thing, how much evidence do you have in your life that this kind of faith is real, or beneficial? Perhaps most people have been able to have faith that their parents had their well being and best interest in mind when they were growing up, but we of course know that that is not true for all. The idea of equal rights and justice for all has yet to prove itself to exist, and that's not just my opinion, but a fact. Can you trust that the guy you're buying a car from is being truthful about the condition of the car? Do you trust that car will run well without having to have lots of major repairs? I guess it's really a coin toss, a 50/50 chance you take when it comes to having faith in a person, idea, or thing.

Faith, for me personally, gives me peace. I don't have faith that my Father, the Mighty King, will give me whatever I ask of HIM. I do, however, have faith that He will give me everything I need and what's best for me. There is comfort in that for me. When I am going through trials and tribulations, the only one who can console me is my Father, the Mighty King, and that's 100% of the time. I guess, in my opinion, if I'm nervous or ill at ease at all, that's not faith, but if I can rest easy and not worry, that is faith. I don't put my trust in horses and chariots or men, for they fail to comfort me. I can only feel comforted, at peace and rest easy, when I have faith in my Father the Mighty King. He has given me ample evidence, proof, and reason to do so. In what or whom to do you have faith ?

Play I some music

"One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain," "Music is a world within itself with a language we all understand," "Music is the Most High." What Bob Marley, Stevie Wonder, and Harrison Stafford expressed in these quotes from their songs is that music has an immeasurable power to stimulate, motivate, elevate, and generate positive vibrations within one's soul. I can't say enough about the power of music, at least in my life. I can recall what I was doing, what the fashions and slangs were, how I was feeling at any given time in my life, just from hearing a song. I often equate certain times in my life with the music I was listening to at that time. I have also experienced life changing personal transformations because of music.

When I first got to college, my roommate was a dark moody and brainy junior who wore all black and who loved Siouxsie and the Banshees. I was very intimidated by her. She asked me if I liked Siouxsie and the Banshees and I said yes. All of a sudden her face lit up and her mood was bright and she became my personal cultural attache, introducing me to everyone, giving me the lay of the land and survival tips. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I had never heard of the band, but I think she figured it out after a while. But having music in common was enough to break down walls and fuse a friendship.


Bob Marley's music changed my life forever. His lyrics, soul, and passion inspired me to seek what gave him such peace, faith and strength. That is how my Father the Mighty King found me. Bob's music always enlivens my spirit. I realized a few years ago, that when I am stressed I start singing "Three Little Birds" and when I'm really stressed, I unconsciously hum it. I found that out when people would start singing along as I hummed. I was listening to Bob Marley when I realized the truth about my destiny to be a queen.


Stevie Wonder's music reminds me of family, and Michael Jackson, well his music represented my childhood. This new part of my life is marked by, of course, Groundation. Not since Bob Marley has music had such an effect on my life, and that is saying a lot! Their music has renewed my spirit and strengthened my faith. I have had a rough year and Groundation not only got me through it, but above it. Give thanks Groundation.

Maya Angelou once said "Music was my refuge.  I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness." (Gather Together in my Name)  We've all run to music for comfort at some point in time in our lives, like after a break up or the loss of a love one. We use songs to express ourselves to loved ones when we can't seem to find the right words. Musicians are blessed that way. Gustav Mahler once said, "If a composer could say what he had to say in words he would not bother trying to say it in music." Great music sometimes doesn't even need lyrics, the notes themselves speak. That's why I love the piano so much, it tells a story all by itself.

Oliver Wendell Holmes said of music, "Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons.  You will find it is to the soul what a water bath is to the body." Friedrich Nietzsche said, "Without music, life would be a mistake." I don't know if would be a mistake, but it would certainly be less pleasant, and a lot tougher to navigate. But for me, Groundation hit the nail on the head, "Music will always rescue me." Give thanks to all the players of music.

Tradition or habit?

Customary practice or use. A particular practice, custom, or usage. A customary or characteristic method or manner. A long-established or inherited way of thinking or acting. Ok, so what's with the fragmented sentences, right? They're definitions from dictionary.com. Definitions of what, you ask? Well, the first two sentences are the definitions of  the word 'habit,' while the second two are definitions of the word 'tradition.' They're amazingly similar, don't you think? With the 'holidays' coming up, I've been hearing the word 'tradition' being thrown around like it's some holy sacrament. Frankly, these days 'tradition' seems more like 'habit' to me.

People are bustling around stressed out over buying turkeys and fixins, making travel plans, camping out in front of department stores to be first in line for 'black Friday.' It all seems quite unpleasant. The moans and looks of dread on peoples' faces as they talk about cooking Thanksgiving dinner or how much they can spend on Christmas gifts this year is really quite depressing. No one even knows what these holidays are about anymore. I asked a child the other day what Thanksgiving celebrated, she said 'the day columbus discovered America.' Yes, thank goodness good ol' chris columbus discovered America, the Native Americans would only be called natives if he hadn't. But I digress. I don't celebrate these holidays anymore, but since I have moved away from my family, they are the only time I can get off from work so that I can see them, so I've been sucked back in, sort of.

My family really wants me around during the holidays, but not enough to cook vegan food for me. But, I don't mind cooking for myself these days, as I have become quite good at it. I just would love to see my family relaxed, happy, and thankful to be together instead tired, stressed, and filled with internal drama over the events that have occurred in their lives since the last time we plastered on fake smiles and stuffed ourselves as if we were trying to fill some dark bottomless chasm of hopelessness. I, for one, have a lot of hope and a lot for which to be thankful, and I give thanks everyday. I wonder if the real dread of this holiday is that people tend to think of what they don't have to be thankful for instead of all of the things they do have.

We all, thankfully, have our health, at least enough of it to worry about other unimportant things, and we are blessed to be able to come together and share a meal. I'm not going to even get started on Christmas. It makes me ill just to see people get worked up over buying gifts for people, some of whom they don't even like. It's all pretense. We pretend it's tradition, but it's really just habit. We're just going through the motions of eating the same food, watching the same football games, and having the same conversations. That really isn't all that bad since we don't really seem to get together on any other occasions, but if people don't like it so much, why not change it?

You don't have to do what everyone else is doing. Why not fast that day? Maybe if you don't eat all day on a day like Thanksgiving, you'll appreciate cooking more. Volunteer to help someone less fortunate than you. Buy Christmas gifts for the homeless instead of your family. Is all of that too selfless for you? Ok, then go out for dinner, or have it catered. Do something that will allow you to enjoy the company of your loved ones, and appreciate that you have them to enjoy. If you're going to celebrate these holidays, create a new 'tradition' so that it is no longer just habit, and be thankful that you did.

The Sword in the Stone

Most people don't know this, but when I was a child, I was a big fan of the Legends of King Arthur. (Yes, even then I loved the idea of a righteous king).  There was one story about Arthur as a boy called "The Sword in the Stone." In the story, King Uther had died without leaving an heir to the throne. Merlyn the magician had the idea of placing a sword in a stone that only a righteous and just spirit could pull out. All the knights in the land tried but failed to pull it out. Then one day, young Arthur came upon the sword in the stone and pulled it out with ease, thus revealing himself as the rightful heir to the throne.

That story made me think of the righteous king who is on his way to finding me. I will know him because he will be the only one who could remove the sword from the stone. By that I mean that he will be of just spirit, kind, caring, patient, fair, and will show his love in many ways.  We as women tend to let any knight in the kingdom "pull the sword." That is to say we let them into our hearts give them our goodies, and trust that they are who they say they are, only to be disappointed and heartbroken.  Your "goodies" are your spirit, heart, mind, and body. They are a treat. Some women give their treats away like it's halloween, which means they must fear being tricked if they don't.  If you think that if you don't give your body to a man he will leave, let him leave. More than likely, he will leave once he gets what he wants anyway. But if he is willing to wait, you may be on the right track.

Let him show you what his love looks like. I'm not talking about giving you gifts. I mean how does he treat his mother, or sisters, or children? Is he attentive to you? Does he show interest in you and your life? Does he call to see how you are doing, what you are doing, or just to hear your voice? Is he proud to be with you and be seen with you and call you his love? Are you on the same path spiritually? Does he treat you with honor and respect in every area? Don't make excuses like, 'he would call more often but he's so busy,' or he's just not into public displays of affection, but he holds my hand in private.'  Rev. Run (of Run DMC) posted two things on twitter that are brilliant: 1."Ladies, you can tell if someone is passionate about you... the proof of passion is the pursuit," and 2.  "The things you see people take good care of is a clue to what they love."

You can't expect to get a righteous king, if you are not a righteous queen. Check your own behavior. Do you behave and treat others the same way you want your righteous king to? Do YOU have respect for YOURSELF? For that matter, do you LOVE yourself?  “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces." (Matthew 7:6-KJV) When you love yourself, you will not give yourself to the unworthy. It is not a pleasant way to learn this hard lesson, so please take my advice, make the knights pull the sword from the stone.

Who's in Control?

I've been thinking about control a lot lately. Well, I 've been thinking about it a lot more since last night as I realized that what I've been dealing with is someone's need for control.  We all know people who have to have things done their way, who need to be the planner, delegator, and overseer of all situations. I have recently encountered one such person. I realized last night that there must be something she feels she can not control in her life which makes her need to control other situations.

Now, I used to be a control freak, at work. I needed things done the way I envisioned them to satisfy the little perfectionist inside me. In my personal life, I was content to trust others to plan and control certain situations while I just went along for the ride. Then one day, I realized I couldn't be in two places at one time, so I had to trust those I had put in charge. What I found was that they were capable of getting things done without me hovering, and their ideas were quite good. That was it, I was on the delegate and trust ban wagon. But I have known people whose controlling behavior has bordered on obsessive. Putting each item in a particular place and having things just so, seemed comforting to them. What is it in their personal lives that they have no control over?

Then, on the opposite end of the spectrum, I see women being controlled by men, I see people in favor of letting government agencies herd them like cattle to be x-rayed and molested all in the name of national security. No one asked a single question when their civil liberties were taken away. Yet, these same people who applaud having their most intimate parts revealed to their fellow airline passengers complain the most about what information facebook has access to. Now that's funny, because there isn't much some people won't tell on facebook.

The truth is, the only thing we can really control is ourselves. We can't control what other people say or do, but we can control how we react to them, and if we will stay in that situation. Our lives don't really belong to us. They're not random, the things that we experience, but most of what we experience on a daily basis is out of our control. We can decide where we would like to go, but if we get there, get there on time, and what we will experience, is for the most part out of our control.  I, personally, relinquish control of my life to my Father, the Mighty King. Father, after all, knows best. He has put me on a path to the throne, so I must put my trust in HIM. Then, all of the fear, anxiety, disappointment, and whatever else comes with wanting control and not getting it, goes away. Control your tongue, control your thoughts, words, and actions, and you can control your destiny. Leave the other stuff to someone who knows better.

Friends, how many of us have them?

True friends are a precious gift because unlike your family, they choose you. I've always tried to honor my friendships. There are those who are/were closer to my heart than others and I would/would have done anything for them. Then there are those who aren't as close but still provide a certain richness to my life with each interaction that I treasure. Then, there are acquaintances. I admit I sometimes confuse acquaintances with friends. Either we have lost touch, or we never became that close in the first place.


I have found that we reach a certain age where making real lasting friendships becomes almost impossible. For me it was after college. But then a couple of years ago, I put myself in a position to meet people who had the same passions, and I believe I have made a few more  lasting friendships. Some people put up barriers that inhibit connecting with other people. Whether it's age difference, race, religion, political views, or fear of intimacy (mental, emotional, spiritual and physical), these are all barriers to making meaningful connections and growing in the process. I have had friendships end for reasons unknown to me. It hurts, but I have to accept that certain people come into my life to enrich it for a finite amount of time. That is why I cherish the time and treasures they brought to me.


Friendships should be symbiotic, that is, mutually beneficial. In biology, symbiosis occurs  between two dissimilar organisms. That makes me aware of the fact that we can become friends with people who are different from us, with whom we have little in common, who come from different backgrounds. I read a quote that said, “Much of the vitality in a friendship lies in the honouring of differences, not simply in the enjoyment of similarities.”

Yes, friendships are tricky because human beings are often unpredictable, fickle, and moody enigmas. But what are we to do, live solitary lives? That is not why we are here together on this planet. It can be quite lonely without human companionship. I have encouraged solitary time to reflect and refresh, but no man or woman is an island. Albert Einstein once said, "Only a life lived for others is worth living." When we open ourselves up to new experiences, celebrate differences, share passions and sorrows, joy and pain, with another, it can be a wonderfully fulfilling experience.

Sending my love to ya

I've been thinking about love lately. I love many people in many different ways for many different reasons. I even love people I've never met before. I try not to categorize love like the system (babylon) tries to get us to do. You know how they tell us that there is love you have for family, love you have for friends, love you have for a spouse or lover. Love is love. However you try to qualify it, it comes from the same place, the Most High. I usually try to leave room for those of you who don't believe in a higher power to relate to what I'm saying, but in this post I must inject my  truth. The only reason we are even capable of love, the only reason we even know what love feels like, is because the Most High, God, Buddha Allah, the Great Spirit, Jah, my Father the Mighty King, whatever you choose to call Him, loved us first. That's it, I'm not going to proselytize.

But I do want to focus on love, how and who we love. I am wondering, how many people are able to give unconditional love? It's not easy. Some people make it difficult for us to love them, but then I've realized that they are usually the people who need  love most. Often people who are difficult are lonely, sad, embittered, weary, lost, missing something in their lives. If you can't stand to be around them enough to show them love, then just pray for them. If you don't pray, wish them well, if you don't wish, think a good thought about them or for them. The best way to love someone is to desire good things for them.


I've loved, and still do, some people who could not find the courage to love me. They may have said they loved me (and some didn't) but their actions were quite the opposite.  "My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth." (1John 3:19-KJV). In other words, actions speak louder than words. For me, once I love someone, a part of me always will love them. I may no longer associate with them, but I pray for their happiness and well being, and often for their correction. I know a lot of people stay in abusive relationships (physical, verbal, and emotional) or relationships that are not going where they desire, simply because they love the individual. Who says you have to be with them in order to love them? Conversely, you don't have to stop loving them just because you are no longer with them. Before you can love anyone, you have to love yourself first, and getting out of that situation is showing yourself some love. When the bible says 'love your neighbor as yourself,' it is calling on you to love yourself, not to treat your neighbor as crappy as you treat yourself.

I also find myself loving people I've never met because of the love I feel they have shown me and the world. I love Bob Marley for the message he shared in his music. I love him for sharing his talent with the world and being a messenger and ambassador of love, peace, and oneness. I find myself loving Harrison Stafford for the same reasons.  I hope to find many more angels whom I can love just like I love them. I love my childhood friends on facebook because we seem to pick up where we left off. We recognize the bonds our youthful experiences created and we hold them close and keep them up. The same goes for my college and past work friends. I love my rasta brothers and sisters for the love and strength they give me. I love them even when they fail to give it because I know they would if they could. These relationships keep me on facebook (Jah knows I was leaving until my elementary school friend found me).

I don't always show my love, for that I ask forgiveness. People who love me don't always show me, for that I forgive them. People I haven't met don't know I love them, and that's ok. But if you didn't know, let me tell you that I love you. This is my love letter to YOU. My question, who do you love?

"Open your eyes, and look within"

This is one of those days I give thanks and praises to my Father the Mighty King that I do not have to work. You ever have one of those days where you wake up in a strange mood? I mean you're not sad or depressed, or even in a bad mood, but just not feeling like yourself? Well this is one of those days for me. I woke up earlier than I wanted to because of a dream that I certainly didn't want to have. Since then, I've spilled my breakfast three times (happens when you have no furniture), I burned the food I was trying cook to replace what I spilled, so my small house is smokey, which means I had to open a window to let out my warm air and let in some frosty air.

Yes, this is a day of washing my locks and self reflection. I don't write this blog because I think I know everything, quite the contrary. What I DON'T know could fill several libraries, and does! I find some people resent the little intelligence I've been blessed with, while others put way to much confidence in it. I do a lot of introspective exploration and I just want to share what I come up with. I would love feedback and your opinions, so feel free. One thing that bothers me is all of those people who think they know me so well. How can they know me when there is so much I don't know about myself? Plus, I am constantly growing, evolving, metamorphosizing....I am becoming a queen, remember?


So, today is for more self reflection, another journey into the deep to figure out what I still need to learn, what I still need to change. That's one of the things I've been struggling with since I made this trod away from loved ones to my throne. I am all about reinventing myself. It has to happen in order for me to be crowned. But what parts of me are worth keeping and which ones need to go? Sometimes I wonder if I'm changing some things up just for the sake of change. I have to keep telling myself, 'if you like it, and it works for you, it's you.' For instance, the clothing I wear has become a debate in my own head. Do I like this, is it me, or am I just trying to find something that is different than what I usually wear? You see, I am very aware that certain things become habit and pretty soon, you no longer know if you like or if you're just used to it.


Habits are a funny thing. Why is it that bad habits are much easier to keep than good habits? I can eat french fries with anything, seriously, anything, but why can't I commit to going to the gym on a regular basis? I think that bad habits usually make us feel  good and are easy, while good habits are often a little harder and though good for us, they don't always give us that instant gratification.  I have some habits I need to shake, some demons I need to expel, some thought patterns I need to change. That's why I go inward as often as possible, and I am often working things out as I type this blog!


Some people are afraid of their own company. They're afraid to ask themselves the questions that need answering the most. But it's like one of those game shows, we have to answer certain questions, complete certain tasks in order to move on to the next step. The prizes are peace, happiness, and enlightenment. I'm ready and willing to do the work, to find out what's giving me disturbing dreams, or why I have certain habits and how to get rid of them, how I can become a better me. I don't know everything, and I don't need to know everything, but I do need to know everything about myself, so that I can complete my journey to becoming a queen.

If you're happy, I'm happy

I've come to accept, on my journey to the throne, that we, all of us, are indeed responsible for other people's happiness. I know that many of you, us would much rather like to live under the idea that each person is responsible for his or her own happiness, but alas, it is not entirely true. From the beginning of time, man has needed a companion, someone to talk to, explore with, entertain, and make babies with. You know the story, God made Eve for Adam. The fact that we as humans cannot procreate alone is enough proof really that we have been put here on this earth for each other, and really cannot move forward without each other, so that makes us responsible for each other.

We need each other, not just to survive, but to be happy. I know it seems unfair at first to be held responsible for another's happiness, but isn't that the essence of any relationship? When you acknowledge a birthday, give a compliment or encouragement,  help someone move, make someone dinner, tell someone you love them, isn't all of that done in the name of bringing happiness into some one's life? Now, that's not to say that we don't ultimately have the final say on how things or people will affect us, but we also have to realize  that once we engage another person in any type of relationship, we are accepting a role in their lives. It's like a play. Once you get a part in the play, you are expected to learn your lines and your stage directions and show up to rehearsals and shows. The cast, director, stage crew, even the audience are all counting on you to do your part. So it is when we enter each others lives.

I know you're still not buying it. What if I told you that being responsible for some one else's happiness is a mutually beneficial act? Think about it, if you make me happy, would I not be more inclined to return the favor? It's not really as big a task as one might think, really.  Returning a call, allowing one to vent, giving a hug are all ways that put little bits of happiness into people's lives that over time build up to into full blown happiness. The bottom line is, if you have ever been, even just a tiny bit responsible for someone feeling sad, angry, hurt, belittled, rejected, or anything  negative, then you can certainly be responsible for some one else's happiness.

Be Thankful

Are you ever satisfied? Do you feel fortunate for all that you have, or do you believe you need to have more for that to be true? Lately, I've been so thankful for my modest life that I find myself singing and dancing. I live in a much smaller place, I make over $20k less than what I was making, I haven't made any real friends yet, it's much colder here than back home, and I can hardly find any vegan food. But, I don't share walls or a roof nestled here in this natural setting, I am able to fashion a program for youth from my own ideas and creativity-with no concern about numbers, I have become much more outgoing and assertive in my quest to meet new people, I am able to see actual seasons in this climate, and I am becoming a much more accomplished cook. I am so grateful for all of the changes, thank you Father, the Mighty King, Most High Jah.
I didn't used to get it. I was so trapped by misery that I couldn't see my way out to notice all the things I have for which to be grateful. Now that I am in this vibration, I am more aware of how much other people look and sound like I once did. I think it's because people are always seeking more; more money, more things, more status, more companionship, more love, more everything. They don't even see how much they already have. I don't have any children, and I would love to have at least one. Almost all of my friends have children. Some of them complain about not being able to have a life because of them, not having enough money because of their children's needs, some even wish they had never met the child's other parent, which of course would mean the child would never have been born. Children are a gift. They teach us and give us so much. I am thankful for all of the children, especially the ones who have entered my life in any way.
I hear people complain about work that needs to be done on their car or to their house, and I laugh because I remember how they worked their butts off, sacrificed, prayed, and and rejoiced to get that very car or house. It makes me think about what Bob Marley said, "Now you get what you want, do you want more?"
I don't think I'm better than anyone, not at all. I only speak on things I have done or been through myself. That phrase, "sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees" rang true for me a very short while ago, and I know it will take effort to keep that bell from ringing again.
Give thanks to the Creator, Higher Power, universe, whom or whatever you know as your truth, and if you don't believe in a higher power, give thanks to whomever helped you get or achieve all the things for which you most definitely have to be grateful, even if it's to your trainer for good health. We have so much in this country, so much that we waste more than other countries have. If you are able to read this blog, that means you have access to a computer and the Internet, so you are not doing too badly at all. For that, I give thanks.